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[STEMO]

Yes sir? Number eight all over, please. Yes sir. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz. Err.....what number comb are you using there? Yes sir. Bzzzzzzzzz. Stop! What number comb are you using? Yes sir. No fickin sir! What.......number......comb....are.....you.....using? Number four sir. I asked for number eight all over. Yes sir, short at side, longer on top. No....I asked for......oh, f*uck it, carry on. 

[Sir Tigger KC]

Think of the money you'll save as your haircut will last twice as long! 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Nothing wrong with a bowl over your head and somebody with a steady hand.

That is how my hair was cut as a kid.

[Sir Tigger KC]

My Dad did that to me once when I was a nipper. 

When my Mum came in she went absolutely nuts and straight away dragged me off to her hairdresser mate to sort out the mess. 

I'm sure he did it as a wind up!   

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

My Dad did that to me once when I was a nipper. 

When my Mum came in she went absolutely nuts and straight away dragged me off to her hairdresser mate to sort out the mess. 

I'm sure he did it as a wind up!   

Latter on I had to endure one of those new-fangled 'cuts as it combs' contraption.

[Sir Tigger KC]

My Dad did that to me once when I was a nipper. 

When my Mum came in she went absolutely nuts and straight away dragged me off to her hairdresser mate to sort out the mess. 

I'm sure he did it as a wind up!   

Latter on I had to endure one of those new-fangled 'cuts as it combs' contraption.

Ooo yes I remember those.  Ow!     

[STEMO]

Think of the money you'll save as your haircut will last twice as long! 

Only the sides. I got my number eight on top. 

[aaronjb]

Eight? Bloody long haired hippy.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Eight? Bloody long haired hippy.

I believe he still has all his hair but none of his teeth.

[STEMO]

Eight? Bloody long haired hippy.

I believe he still has all his hair but none of his teeth.

OOOOOOOOO.....Bite me 

[STEMO]

Eight? Bloody long haired hippy.

Not now, Aaron, thanks to the oily oik. 

[Mister Rog]

Some years ago I went to local Cypriot barber near my office. I'd always had much the same, sort of with a parting, very dull I just never thought about hair much. Mister Cypriot Barber suggested a change to 8 on the top and 4 at the sides. Great ! so much easier after a shower, no need for hair dryers etc. Never changed since, still what I get 

[STEMO]

Some years ago I went to local Cypriot barber near my office. I'd always had much the same, sort of with a parting, very dull I just never thought about hair much. Mister Cypriot Barber suggested a change to 8 on the top and 4 at the sides. Great ! so much easier after a shower, no need for hair dryers etc. Never changed since, still what I get 

It's all your fault then?

[STEMO]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

A practical way to remove all that coal dust.

[STEMO]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

A practical way to remove all that coal dust.

Yes, and I can fit my dog in there with me. Two for the price of one.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

A practical way to remove all that coal dust.

Yes, and I can fit my dog in there with me. Two for the price of one.

More difficult with a pit pony.

[STEMO]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

A practical way to remove all that coal dust.

Yes, and I can fit my dog in there with me. Two for the price of one.

More difficult with a pit pony.

We ate all the pit ponies, ages ago.

[Doctor Gollum]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

A practical way to remove all that coal dust.

Yes, and I can fit my dog in there with me. Two for the price of one.

More difficult with a pit pony.

We ate all the pit ponies, ages ago, when the coal ran out.

[STEMO]

And, for your information, we don't have showers in Barnsley, we have a tin bath hanging on a nail on the outside lavvy wall.

A practical way to remove all that coal dust.

Yes, and I can fit my dog in there with me. Two for the price of one.

More difficult with a pit pony.

We ate all the pit ponies, ages ago, when the coal ran out.

The coal didn't run out, it was just cheaper to import it. From Russia.

[Doctor Gollum]

Ironic given that the communists, sorry, Union leaders effectively caused production costs rocket with their ridiculous demands... I mean, why would you pay top money for a product that is only available three days a week

Joking aside, I actually feel sorry for all those decent working people who fell for the propaganda pedalled by those they entrusted their livelihoods to.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Well put. 
Contrary to popular myth, Thatcher wasn't the best weapon the Tories had in the 80,s. Scargill was.

[Rods2]

I've got an electric hair clipper and use a no 4 all over.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Same here, but number two. Apart from the top which decided to go number zero all by itself several years ago. 

[Mister Rog]

Well put. 
Contrary to popular myth, Thatcher wasn't the best weapon the Tories had in the 80,s. Scargill was.

True. But if I said that out loud in South Wales I'd get lynched.

[2boxerdogs]

Number 1 every 5 days for me , hair is nothing but a nuisance in my opinion.😎

[zirk]

No 0 for me, all over, takes about 45 seconds, once a week, same job on the Face every 3 days.

Biggest issue is making sure the Battery has enough Charge, nothing worse than going out with half a shaven head.

[STEMO]

I never realised you were such a bunch of skinheads. 

[Rods2]

I never realised you were such a bunch of skinheads. 

And I always wear steel toe capped boots.

[Sir Tigger KC]

I am now a Hipster! 

Number one round the back and sides and let the top grow until I can Brylcream it or have a 'man bun' and my beard is coming along nicely! 

I'll then be off to the tattooist to spend my gyro! 

[STEMO]

I never realised you were such a bunch of skinheads. 

And I always wear steel toe capped boots.

Oxblood Dr Martens.

[STEMO]

I am now a Hipster! 

Number one round the back and sides and let the top grow until I can Brylcream it or have a 'man bun' and my beard is coming along nicely! 

I'll then be off to the tattooist to spend my gyro! 

That's giro. Don't argue that point with a scouser. 

[biggriffin]

I never realised you were such a bunch of skinheads. 

And I always wear steel toe capped boots.

Oxblood Dr Martens.

Proper foot-ware and a nice crombie coat, crisp plain white shirt. Oi oi..

[STEMO]

I never realised you were such a bunch of skinheads. 

And I always wear steel toe capped boots.

Oxblood Dr Martens.

Proper foot-ware and a nice crombie coat, crisp plain white shirt. Oi oi..

Jeans with turnups and braces.

[biggriffin]

I never realised you were such a bunch of skinheads. 

And I always wear steel toe capped boots.

Oxblood Dr Martens.

Proper foot-ware and a nice crombie coat, crisp plain white shirt. Oi oi..

Jeans with turnups and braces.

That's me dressed ready to go out then. as long as wife doesn't see me.

[Rods2]

I am now a Lord Opti rich Hipster! 

Number one round the back and sides and let the top grow until I can Brylcream it or have a 'man bun' and my beard is coming along nicely! 

I'll then be off to the airfield to fly my autogyro! 

FTFY where I understood from the spelling of gyro what you were coyly signalling to us.

[Andy H]

Getting perilously close to being a doppelganger for Michael Eavis here (Suntan on top, no 1 on the sides, white beard).

[STEMO]

Good grief! I was under the impression that I was in conversation with a group of handsome, middle-aged men such as myself on here. It appears that I was very wide of the mark.
Decrepit old bastards. 

[Doctor Gollum]

Oi less of the old...

[STEMO]

Oi less of the old...

If the cap fits.......


use it to cover your bald patch. 

[Doctor Gollum]

Oi less of the old...

If the cap fits.......


use it to cover your bald patch. 

No shiny patch. Yet. 

[Mister Rog]

Some years ago I went to local Cypriot barber near my office. I'd always had much the same, sort of with a parting, very dull I just never thought about hair much. Mister Cypriot Barber suggested a change to 8 on the top and 4 at the sides. Great ! so much easier after a shower, no need for hair dryers etc. Never changed since, still what I get 

However . . . . . . occasionally tempted to go completely the other way. Long hair and maybe pony tail. There are lot of ageing hippies around here. Had long hair for most of my '20s. I think SWMBO quite likes the idea, but maybe not

[STEMO]

Some years ago I went to local Cypriot barber near my office. I'd always had much the same, sort of with a parting, very dull I just never thought about hair much. Mister Cypriot Barber suggested a change to 8 on the top and 4 at the sides. Great ! so much easier after a shower, no need for hair dryers etc. Never changed since, still what I get 

However . . . . . . occasionally tempted to go completely the other way. Long hair and maybe pony tail. There are lot of ageing hippies around here. Had long hair for most of my '20s. I think SWMBO quite likes the idea, but maybe not

You'll have to dye it then, unless you want to look like Methuselah.

[Sir Tigger KC]

Good grief! I was under the impression that I was in conversation with a group of handsome, young men such as Sir Tig on here. It appears that I was very wide of the mark.
Decrepit old bastards. 

FTFY Uncle STEMO! 

[STEMO]

Good grief! I was under the impression that I was in conversation with a group of handsome, young men such as Sir Tig on here. It appears that I was very wide of the mark.
Decrepit old bastards. 

FTFY Uncle STEMO! 

I'm gonna organise a photo shoot. For those that can't make it, the picture from your bus pass will do. 

[Andy H]

Anyone got any top tips for managing the hair that sprouts from ears and noses? (asking for a friend.....)

[Doctor Gollum]

A damn good plucking

According to my friend

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Or if your brave, use a smouldering Q tip to scorch them off. 

[aaronjb]

Some years ago I went to local Cypriot barber near my office. I'd always had much the same, sort of with a parting, very dull I just never thought about hair much. Mister Cypriot Barber suggested a change to 8 on the top and 4 at the sides. Great ! so much easier after a shower, no need for hair dryers etc. Never changed since, still what I get 

However . . . . . . occasionally tempted to go completely the other way. Long hair and maybe pony tail. There are lot of ageing hippies around here. Had long hair for most of my '20s. I think SWMBO quite likes the idea, but maybe not

You know what's hiding under every pony's tail, don't you?

Or if your brave, use a smouldering Q tip to scorch them off. 

I think the current Turkish Barber thing is to smear vaseline on them and then set light directly... hm, maybe that's where the kids in the other thread got the idea from.

[Mister Rog]

Anyone got any top tips for managing the hair that sprouts from ears and noses? (asking for a friend.....)

 . . . . or anywhere else for that matter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KEKnd4nKgc

[Mister Rog]

Some years ago I went to local Cypriot barber near my office. I'd always had much the same, sort of with a parting, very dull I just never thought about hair much. Mister Cypriot Barber suggested a change to 8 on the top and 4 at the sides. Great ! so much easier after a shower, no need for hair dryers etc. Never changed since, still what I get 

However . . . . . . occasionally tempted to go completely the other way. Long hair and maybe pony tail. There are lot of ageing hippies around here. Had long hair for most of my '20s. I think SWMBO quite likes the idea, but maybe not

You know what's hiding under every pony's tail, don't you?

Oh Ha bloody Ha   

[aaronjb]

Anyone got any top tips for managing the hair that sprouts from ears and noses? (asking for a friend.....)

 . . . . or anywhere else for that matter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KEKnd4nKgc

  "Mazeltov!"

[Doctor Gollum]

Not the first word that sprang to mind

[tunnie]

I've not used a high street barber for ages, I just book a meeting slot in my work calendar and pop down during office hours.

...and before anyone asks, it's Sky's on-site one, for company people only. 

Or if that's full, there is the Hair saloon, which also do mens hair. Again, Sky only. 

So translation never an issue 

It's actually run by one of the ex-secruity guards, who took the proposition to Sky that they should run a dedicated barbers. They funded it and setup him up with his own little place, in some rooms that were not longer used and had them converted. 

[Sir Tigger KC]

Do you have to have the 'Company Do' Tunnie? 

[tunnie]

All has to be like the boss, Jezza. 

[STEMO]

Do you have to have the 'Company Do' Tunnie? 

I was gonna ask if commoners could go there, but it's for sky workers only. 

[tunnie]

Do you have to have the 'Company Do' Tunnie? 

I was gonna ask if commoners could go there, but it's for sky workers only. 

Yup, no riff-raff allowed.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Kay Burley isn't allowed in then ? 

[biggriffin]

Kay Burley isn't allowed in then ? 

Not even for a Brazilian...

[STEMO]

Who's Kay Burly?

[STEMO]

Just googled her. Strange looking woman. 

[tunnie]

Kay Burley isn't allowed in then ? 

She has her owned dedicated one, as do all presenters. They have own make up rooms

[Sir Tigger KC]

Just googled her. Strange looking woman. 

Lord Opti would! 

[STEMO]

Just googled her. Strange looking woman. 

Lord Opti would! 

Let's face it, that's not much of a recommendation. 

[Andy B]

Just googled her.  ..... 

Likewise. Saw her on the Celeb Hunted.

 She's a Pie Eater ..... she's obviously been taking proper English lessons & ditched her Wiginese 

[STEMO]

Just googled her.  ..... 

Likewise. Saw her on the Celeb Hunted.

 She's a Pie Eater ..... she's obviously been taking proper English lessons & ditched her Wiginese 

Yeah but, as a pop song once went......'shame about the boat race'. 

[Andy B]

Just googled her.  ..... 

Likewise. Saw her on the Celeb Hunted.

 She's a Pie Eater ..... she's obviously been taking proper English lessons & ditched her Wiginese 

Yeah but, as a pop song once went......'shame about the boat race'. 

You must be looking at something else in a woman .....

[STEMO]

Ermmm......yes.....the picture that came up for me was very unflattering, she looks much better in that one. Sorry, Kay 

[BazaJT]

All this number stuff confuses me and I don't understand it so I use one of the English hairdressers[there are two within a couple of miles of me]that are still about.Oddly I generally use the one staffed solely by three young ladies as opposed to the one run by an old bloke

[ronnyd]

The young lady who cuts my ever receding locks is very nice. She also happens to be my grand daughter.