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[STEMO]

Forum has been offline all morning and I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

[zirk]

Its been fine here, been very lonely though, thought for the minute everyone but me got banned. 

[Mister Rog]

Was down overnight and early this AM, something about being unable to connect to database geekspeak.

Awwwwww  STEMO, you missed us 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

[Auto Addict]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Oi! less of the sad!

[STEMO]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

Nah......I was too busy having sex with a trio of gorgeous 19 year old girls..........honest I was.

[STEMO]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

Nah......I was too busy having sex with a trio of gorgeous 19 year old girls..........honest I was.

Hmmmm........nah. You'd be in hospital now, not posting on here. 

[Marks DTM Calib]

Apologies, the Smilies went on strike as we mistakenly let them join the TSSA union, this has been rectified as we now have some eastern Europeans standing in for them

[Mister Rog]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

Nah......I was too busy having sex with a trio of gorgeous 19 year old girls..........honest I was.

Nah. Maybe one 57 year old (if you're lucky). . . . . do you wear tri-focal glasses ?

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

Nah......I was too busy having sex with a trio of gorgeous 19 year old girls..........honest I was.

Nah. May :Pbe one 57 year old (if you're lucky). . . . . do you wear tri-focal glasses ?

Three tlmes 19 equals 57.

[Nick W]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

Nah......I was too busy having sex with a trio of gorgeous 19 year old girls..........honest I was.

Nah. Maybe one 57 year old (if you're lucky). . . . . do you wear tri-focal glasses ?

Does she wear glasses would be a more relevant question.

[Rods2]

What a bunch of sad bastards you all are.

Well..you can say that..but no doubt you tried a few times yourself 

Nah......I was too busy having sex with a trio of gorgeous 19 year old girls..........honest I was.

Daydreaming again, while trying to connect to OOF, then M'lud?

[Rods2]

Forum has been offline all morning and I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

Where you were trying connect to OOF over breakfast and were late taking the dog out, we are now awaiting for your help thread....

"How can you remove dog shite from a deep pile fireside rug?"

[Sir Tigger KC]

Forum has been offline all morning and I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

Where you were trying connect to OOF over breakfast and were late taking the dog out, we are now awaiting for your help thread....

"How can you remove dog shite from a deep piles fireside rug?"

Poor old Uncle STEMO has needed help with these for years!   

[Doctor Gollum]

Need a new hamster wheel...

Thanks for the efforts getting it all sorted. It is genuinely appreciated 

[TheBoy]

Sincere apologies from TB Towers about the 2 seperate outages yesterday.  Both outages were caused by both hypervisors losing site of their storage in fairly quick succession. Root cause why is as yet unknown, but a few days ago the hypervisors were going a bit mental trying to even out storage usage and latency - maybe this caused all the disks to go into meltdown.

Recovery times were extended, as a full storage and hypervisor restart takes several hours.


Automatic storage balancing currently disabled to see if we can get stability.

[zirk]

Sincere apologies from TB Towers about the 2 seperate outages yesterday.  Both outages were caused by both hypervisors losing site of their storage in fairly quick succession. Root cause why is as yet unknown, but a few days ago the hypervisors were going a bit mental trying to even out storage usage and latency - maybe this caused all the disks to go into meltdown.

Recovery times were extended, as a full storage and hypervisor restart takes several hours.


Automatic storage balancing currently disabled to see if we can get stability.

The Hyper Space Meltdown Unbalanced Stability thing sounds so much better than the TSSA Union and Eastern European Smiley Strike stuff that Mark came up with... 

Either way, glad its sorted and much appreciated for your efforts again. 

[STEMO]

Sincere apologies from TB Towers about the 2 seperate outages yesterday.  Both outages were caused by both hypervisors losing site of their storage in fairly quick succession. Root cause why is as yet unknown, but a few days ago the hypervisors were going a bit mental trying to even out storage usage and latency - maybe this caused all the disks to go into meltdown.

Recovery times were extended, as a full storage and hypervisor restart takes several hours.


Automatic storage balancing currently disabled to see if we can get stability.

https://youtu.be/Ac7G7xOG2Ag

[TheBoy]

Sincere apologies from TB Towers about the 2 seperate outages yesterday.  Both outages were caused by both hypervisors losing site of their storage in fairly quick succession. Root cause why is as yet unknown, but a few days ago the hypervisors were going a bit mental trying to even out storage usage and latency - maybe this caused all the disks to go into meltdown.

Recovery times were extended, as a full storage and hypervisor restart takes several hours.


Automatic storage balancing currently disabled to see if we can get stability.

https://youtu.be/Ac7G7xOG2Ag

Hypervisors = the clever hardware/software that allows multiple servers to run on a single physical server.  OOF is primarily made up of 5 (virtual) servers, not including all the infrastructure type stuff.  These 5 servers, along with several others, run across 2 hypervisors, which run on 2 HP Proliant physical servers.

Its called virtualisation/cloud, and its been all the rage for the past 5 years or so.

Downside is if a hypervisor starts to go wonky quite quickly, and doesn't have time to move its virtual machines to another, is a single failure can result in dozens of servers going offline at same time, which is what happened yesterday. Twice.  Although in the case yesterday, the 2 hypervisors that OOF is allowed to run on both died in realtively quick succession - so even if it did have time to move the virtual machines, it still would have died 20mins later anyway.


That better?

[Andy B]

....
That better?

Still no idea what you mean .......   

[aaronjb]

Imagine it like passengers in a car.  The car is carrying the Finance Director, his deputy, the CEO and a sales girl.

If the sales girl dies they can all carry on.  If the FD dies, the deputy FD can take over.

If the car crashes, bursts into flames and kills them all, OOF goes down. 

[Doctor Gollum]

....
That better?

Still no idea what you mean .......   

There are two hamsters on shift at any one time. Halfway through the night shift, the diabetic hamster forgot to take its insulin and fell over, and his only shift partner noticed ten minutes later, and in a moment of panic, fell down the stairs, landing on his head.

The alarm was only raised when the dayshift arrived and couldn't get in, and in the ensuing chaos, they realised that management help was needed, (an admin password was required to reset the system), but unfortunately the boss was in Chamonix, and was unable to get back until late afternoon...

That any better?

[Andy B]

....
That better?

Still no idea what you mean .......   

There are two hamsters on shift at any one time. Halfway through the night shift, the diabetic hamster forgot to take its insulin and fell over, and his only shift partner noticed ten minutes later, and in a moment of panic, fell down the stairs, landing on his head.

The alarm was only raised when the dayshift arrived and couldn't get in, and in the ensuing chaos, they realised that management help was needed, (an admin password was required to reset the system), but unfortunately the boss was in Chamonix, and was unable to get back until late afternoon...

That any better?

  much better! 

[TheBoy]

....
That better?

Still no idea what you mean .......   

There are two hamsters on shift at any one time. Halfway through the night shift, the diabetic hamster forgot to take its insulin and fell over, and his only shift partner noticed ten minutes later, and in a moment of panic, fell down the stairs, landing on his head.

The alarm was only raised when the dayshift arrived and couldn't get in, and in the ensuing chaos, they realised that management help was needed, (an admin password was required to reset the system), but unfortunately the boss was in Chamonix, and was unable to get back until late afternoon...

That any better?

aaronjb's anology was closer

[Doctor Gollum]

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

[TheBoy]

(an admin password was required to reset the system), but unfortunately the boss was in Chamonix, and was unable to get back until late afternoon...

Joking aside, just to put all your minds at rest, should such a scenario happen, the Admins know a man who has full access in remotely to sort out restarts etc.  This is one (there are serveral) reason we use HP servers, to benefit from the iLO Lights Out management (other vendors also have their own technologies).

Said man was texting me early yesterday to say it had gone TITSUP^*, so he's defo on the ball.

But it took until mid morning to get it back up, then it failed again early afternoon


^* A TheRegister term, for any of our technology readers

[TheBoy]

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

I was cursing him last month, having to sit through a (very, very) condensed training course provided by his company...   ...and because it was so condensed, had to spend my own time going through the material (6 x A4 sized ring bound books, over an inch thick each).

[Doctor Gollum]

Is that somewhere between OOPS and FUBAR?

[aaronjb]

I shall refrain from saying anything in case anyone from HQ is reading..

[Doctor Gollum]

I shall refrain from saying anything in case anyone from HQ is reading..

You needs some of TBs MTFU pills

[TheBoy]

Is that somewhere between OOPS and FUBAR?

I take no credit, as its a TheRegister term, but its Total Inability To Service Usual Packetrate.

[TheBoy]

I shall refrain from saying anything in case anyone from HQ is reading..

Worse than all that, though, it had to be in god forsaken (near) Ipswich.

After a week there, I had to get the between finger skin cut out.

[Doctor Gollum]

Is that somewhere between OOPS and FUBAR?

I take no credit, as its a TheRegister term, but its Total Inability To Service Usual Packetrate.

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

I was cursing him last month, having to sit through a (very, very) condensed training course provided by his company...   ...and because it was so condensed, had to spend my own time going through the material (6 x A4 sized ring bound books, over an inch thick each).

Apart from our in house fire safety videos, the acting in which makes Eldorado look good, most of our training is pretty good... got a three day telehandler course next month which will be fun

[Kevin Wood]

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

I was cursing him last month, having to sit through a (very, very) condensed training course provided by his company...   ...and because it was so condensed, had to spend my own time going through the material (6 x A4 sized ring bound books, over an inch thick each).

Wasn't eating into the apres-course drinking time, was it?

[TheBoy]

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

I was cursing him last month, having to sit through a (very, very) condensed training course provided by his company...   ...and because it was so condensed, had to spend my own time going through the material (6 x A4 sized ring bound books, over an inch thick each).

Wasn't eating into the apres-course drinking time, was it?

YES!

In fact, aprt from our team xmas meal, I dont think I had more than one drink in an evening

[Kevin Wood]

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

I was cursing him last month, having to sit through a (very, very) condensed training course provided by his company...   ...and because it was so condensed, had to spend my own time going through the material (6 x A4 sized ring bound books, over an inch thick each).

Wasn't eating into the apres-course drinking time, was it?

YES!

In fact, aprt from our team xmas meal, I dont think I had more than one drink in an evening

.. and thus were unable to sleep through the daytime parts of the course?

Pretty rough, that. I'd speak to your union. 

[Mr Gav]

Is that somewhere between OOPS and FUBAR?

I take no credit, as its a TheRegister term, but its Total Inability To Service Usual Packetrate.

Given his profession, I should think so too

 

I was cursing him last month, having to sit through a (very, very) condensed training course provided by his company...   ...and because it was so condensed, had to spend my own time going through the material (6 x A4 sized ring bound books, over an inch thick each).

Apart from our in house fire safety videos, the acting in which makes Eldorado look good, most of our training is pretty good... got a three day telehandler course next month which will be fun

CPCS with the 72 question answered to a dictaphone?

[Broomies Mate]

Three days to get a ticket for a forklift with a hard-on?  I got my ticket in under an hour! 

[Doctor Gollum]

Refresher is quick and dirty, but intial course is an external three day job

[Broomies Mate]

Refresher is quick and dirty, but intial course is an external three day job

Please tell me why?  Why would I need three days to learn how to drive a fork lift truck? 

There is no 'license'.

[Doctor Gollum]

We use one of theses...

http://agromepa.sk/web/jcb-telemaster-220/

[Broomies Mate]

We use one of theses...

http://agromepa.sk/web/jcb-telemaster-220/

So.............

Why does it take 3 days to learn how to drive it, safely?

Shit the bed!

[Doctor Gollum]

If the powers that be want me to spend three days doing just that, happy days

Sods law it will be the only three days that it snows

[Broomies Mate]

If the powers that be want me to spend three days doing just that, happy days

Sods law it will be the only three days that it snows

Ahhhh, so you are not paying for it.  Makes sense.  Bugger it, make it last a week.