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[Hannah Judes Dad]

Last month SWMBO's headlight had stopped working,no problem I thought.
After cursing at her car being French and skinning my hand extracting the bulb I went and got a new one, put it in and nothing happened - bugger.
Checked the fuses still nothing.Mmm what's going on removed new bulb filament was ok scratched head.
Looked at old bulb and that filament was ok as well.
After two hours around the electrical system it was the other end of the lead that had become disconnected from the main loom - Fu*%ing French Shite.
Refitted original bulb and all working went inside to tell SWMBO I had 'been to the scrappy' for some bits for her car as they were in a dangerous state'
I wasn't going to tell her that it had just come undone and needed reconnecting 

[Teebee]

This thread is epic, makes me feel good about confessing

Upgrading an Avenger from single to twin carbs, no torque wrench so just did the bolt one last turn, snapped off the portion of block that it bolted to. Still ran ok.

Helping a mate change his bonnet and wings on a Supermirafiori after a prang. Early start after a night on the beer, socket on the bonnet bolt that is stuck solid, hand slips and rips a gouge in my wrist that bled for ages. Take another look and i'm trying to undo the welded nut on top not the bolt that comes up from underneath.

Not mine but helping my neighbour do his first ever oil change on a MK1 Manta, easy job all it needs is the oil adding so I go in to make tea. Come back and he says "wow takes a lot of oil", I see two empty containers on the floor. He filled it up to the top of the filler cap, he then did his 2nd sump plug removal

Helping a mate who was an engine fitter by trade. MK2 Granada engine out and new one in done in record time, only thing left is the carb linkage and air filter. He decides it's now pub time can finish that in the morning, drops the bonnet onto the upturned air filter that still has all 4 bolts in. Made a real nice pattern on the bonnet!

[Shallow Al]

This thread should have sad background music playing!
Much like the "Our Tune" spot that Simon Bates used to do on his radio show, (for those old and sad enough, like me, who remember).

[Andy B]

....
Much like the "Our Tune" spot that Simon Bates used to do on his radio show, (for those old and sad enough, like me, who remember).

Apparently he's started doing it again on Smooth Radio. I've yet to hear it again 

[tidla]

This thread should have sad background music playing!
Much like the "Our Tune" spot that Simon Bates used to do on his radio show, (for those old and sad enough, like me, who remember).

i wonder if he looked forward to his bank statment coming thru the post in his much younger days

[mantaray]

Helping a friend swop engines from one car to another:

Take engine 1 out of car 1
Take engine 2 out of car 2
Put engine 1 in car car 2

all done, start it up car still smokes ?? oh s**t we have only put engine 2 back in car 2 !!!

many moons ago when a nipper, had to take head off my 1600 cortina MK2, after getting it back from the machine shop set about building it up and putting back on car, only to find I coud not get the tappits set corectly.
After many hours there was nothing for it but to take it into a garage to sort it out, it turned out i had put the valve stem seals on top off the valve spring.

[zirk]

A few years back decided to attack the leaking water pump on SWMBOs Cav 1.8 SRi, half way through I decided might as well change the Cam Belt while Im here, so off I went to the local VX Parts, took the belt with me to make sure I was getting the right one.

Walking out of Vx get a phone call from Her in doors, asking me "are you coming back soon, as need to pop to the shops and use your car, for some reason my car wont start".
 :-?

[albitz]

  .......Love that one Zirk, so typical.

[Psychoca]

When I was doing some general routine stuff on a company car, I was topping up the oil and also the washer bottle...  At the wrong moment, I was distracted, leading to a nice healthy squirt of fairy liquid being plunged into the Oil....

Of course I did the right thing with regards to the company...   Kept my mouth shut and hoped nothing would go wrong until the next oil change...

[zirk]

.......Love that one Zirk, so typical.

Obviously my fault Albs, should had mentioned what I was doing to Her Car, lost all my brownie points that day and for the rest of the week while the head had to come off.

Got lucky though, managed to bang the valves back into shape on my mates lathe, did a complete de choke on the head as well, must admit the Car ran a lot better afterwards.
 
 

[Hannah Judes Dad]

Last month SWMBO's headlight had stopped working,no problem I thought.
After cursing at her car being French and skinning my hand extracting the bulb I went and got a new one, put it in and nothing happened - bugger.
Checked the fuses still nothing.Mmm what's going on removed new bulb filament was ok scratched head.
Looked at old bulb and that filament was ok as well.
After two hours around the electrical system it was the other end of the lead that had become disconnected from the main loom - Fu*%ing French Shite.
Refitted original bulb and all working went inside to tell SWMBO I had 'been to the scrappy' for some bits for her car as they were in a dangerous state'
I wasn't going to tell her that it had just come undone and needed reconnecting 

  Just had a look at her car this evening I've put the bulb in the holder upside down,no wonder the beam pattern was off 

[unclelicklug]

Not car related (plenty that are) - must be 20 years ago in the old job, boss bought his lawn mower in - 'see it you can get it going Rick'...

Did the usual, spark plug and so on and then set to to see if it would start.

After several pulls on the starter cord...it broke and I punched one of my front teeth out on the follow through.... :-?

[omegod]

I started this and feel I need to update for 2 reasons:

1. It was a good laugh and some corkers were confessed to, new members can contribute if they wish to.

2. I electrocuted myself today while soldering the door loom on a Zafira outside, failing to notice a split power cable perilously close to a puddle  . Incredibly stupid idea, but hey, at least the central locking works on the rear doors now  

[biggriffin]

As its been resurrected time to confess

Fully ground up, restored Jensen FF interceptor, looked stunning in its fresh gloss paint work, £8k bill for the work in the early 90's. Customer due to collect his birthday present from the garage who brought it to us for exhaust and mot. I gets in car to put it on ramp,not paying attention, Jensen scraps down side of the ramp piller. Whoops. and sorry.

[tigers_gonads]

My lad mistaking the clicking of a torque wrench for the shearing of a oil cooler banjo bolt and NOT telling me about it until I had dumped a gallon of nice fresh oil all over the road 

That's his excuse anyway 
Personally, I think he used the piggin strong arm