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Topics - Varche

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1486
General Discussion Area / What are you having for Sunday lunch?
« on: 25 April 2010, 12:08:01 »
Light lunch of home grown baby broad beans, black pudding (made by neighbour) and our free range eggs poached. mmmm. Pork curry tonight from first principles.

1487
General Discussion Area / Iceland
« on: 20 April 2010, 11:23:57 »
Put 30 billion euro in the litter bin by the Icelandic Embassy at 10 p.m.tonight, and we'll turn off the volcano. Don't call the police!  ;D ;D ;D

1488
Are there going to be loads of scratched windscreens and ruined wiper blades when this ash comes down out of the sky? :D :D

1489
General Discussion Area / Can you see the volcanic ash?
« on: 15 April 2010, 07:45:26 »
GRR. Just about to set off to Malaga airport to collect my elderly parents off an early UK flight to discover the flight is cancelled not just postponed. Worse they are still at the airport without transport as they were "dropped off" by a relative who didn't check them in as I suggested.

Haven't seen them for a year. This will put them off flying for good!

Can you see the ash?   :( :( :(

1490
General Discussion Area / UK Citizens test
« on: 18 April 2010, 12:30:46 »
Can't remember whether this has been covered before on the forum. I just did it and only scored a miserable 58% so not much chance of me returning to the UK then!

http://www.ukcitizenshiptest.co.uk/

Maybe it should be compulsary to pass this  first attempt at the polling station before being allowed to cast your vote. ;D ;D ;D ;D

El Varche (ex citizen)

1491
General Discussion Area / Toyota simulator
« on: 15 April 2010, 07:47:59 »
This is excellent. Technology has really moved on.

www.toyotasimulator.com

1492
General Discussion Area / Derivative Paper, a laymans guide
« on: 08 April 2010, 11:19:07 »
An Easily Understandable Explanation of Derivative Markets


Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Leicester.

She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar.

To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.

Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in leicestershire by providing her customers' freedom from immediate payment demands.

Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS.

These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets.

Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics.

Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi.

Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts.

Since, Heidi cannot fulfil her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%.

The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions.  They had also invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds.

Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations. Her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion Sterling no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government.

The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar.

Now, do you understand?

1493
General Discussion Area / Dongle modem and USB/USB2 question
« on: 27 March 2010, 11:04:57 »
I have an (orange) usb2 dongle modem and it was installed with a 5 metre usb cable to "improve" the signal. Don't know whether that 5 m cable was usb or usb2.

I thought I could improve it with a 10 m USB cable. Bought one and it is labelled USB2. The dongle is USB2 but my ancient PC is USB.

I can't get it to work with the brand new cable. Could it be an issue with backward compatibility? Cable length too long?! faulty cable. Am clutching at straws really :(

Are the dongle modems designed to get best reception when horizontal?

1494
http://news.uk.msn.com/uk/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=152712497

Seems like the Britiash taxpayer will be paying for this!

It is about time that mobile phones, weapons, drugs etc were confiscated. We are far too liberal with prisoners.

1496
General Discussion Area / Bad Friday
« on: 19 March 2010, 20:01:12 »
Well woke up to no hot water. No worries. Will have a look at the gas boiler later. Might be batteries flat, filter blocked with Incoming crud or dust.

Never mind got to get harvesting. Half way through the day the tree shaker lunched its gearbox. Finished that olive tree off by hand i.e. with fibreglass poles.

Packed up at 5 and shot off to the nearest repair man for opening at 5.30p.m.  Closed for 3 days.  Why, Its is the local fiesta.

Can't get parts from anywhere else cos its the weekend. Looks like a bit of enforced R and R!

The good news is I can at least have a shower as I have just fixed the boiler.(crud in the filter).

1497
General Discussion Area / exterior web cams
« on: 06 March 2010, 12:42:40 »
Anybody have one of these?

Presumably they are specially designed to be weatherproof.

Do you just connect them up via a long USB cable? 

I am looking for one that would accomodate a wide angle and up to five miles or so not to keep an eye out for miscreants!

Any recommendations plus shop/ebay please?

1498
I don't know what Uk Telco customer service is like but here is our saga with Orange here in Spain.

Took out a contract for unlimited monthly access to the Internet via a dongle. It works OK but loses bandwidth at peak periods and in bad weather. Got this months bill for 249 euros. Somehow they have changed the charging to per minute from the fixed fee.

looked on the Internet for a customer service number. None except one for Orange mobile phone customers. No probs I will call in at one of their shops. Hands in air, yet another customer with this problem. Let me take a copy of your bill and we will try and sort it. Puts copy on pile of other similar bills and goes back to polishing nails.

Meanwhile company take money from bank account as they are allowed to do, despite us asking the bank not to pay any more than the standard monthly amount. What about getting our money back off Orange?    ........................mmm best to ask Orange for it.

Back to shop, Have you sorted it yet? No will let you know when it is sorted. What about our money? Don't worry. Hispanic shrug.

Some days later back home, still not sorted. Decide to write a letter to "Head Office Madrid Customer Service". No address for such a dept or indeed an office. Not unusual in Spain at all. Have since obtained a fax number but haven't got a fax!

Only recourse is the usually brilliant Shop complaints form. All shops have them and if you complain then the Police get involved. Most sort things before it gets to that stage.

1499
General Discussion Area / Arise Lord Varche (Non Dom)
« on: 02 March 2010, 14:57:56 »
http://news.uk.msn.com/uk/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=152370714

I have decided to follow suit. This paying tax is a mugs game. First I need someone to make me a Lord. Then I can donate to that party. Being poor , primarily due to the aftermath of the bankers stupidity, I won't be able to make very big donations in fact they will be very small. Any takers?

PS if anyone wants to rent a convenience address in Euroland  for "tax purposes" I am sure I could find one (for a small handling fee of course)!

1500
General Discussion Area / The day the Immigrants left programme
« on: 25 February 2010, 11:17:42 »
I am surprised that there isn't a thread on this BBC TV programme that was on last night. For those that didn't watch it the premise was quite simple. The BBC arranged with a number of employers who had a large percentage of immigrant labour on the books to make some vacancies available in the East of England for local unemployed people who complain that "immigrants" have taken all their jobs.

Doubtless the applicants were screened for good TV viewing. It wouldn't have done for them all to have excelled and been taken on after their two days BUT I was shocked by the attitude of the participants who all claimed they wanted work.

- many didn't even bother turning up for their first day.
- Some were late
- The asparagus picker couldn't(wouldn't) follow simple instructions
- The restaurant worker couldn't tie his tie or take customers orders and gave up part way through his shift but stayed and ate as a customer!

It wasn't all bad. The carpenter did a good job and stayed on for 2 weeks to finsih the job.

How attitudes to work have changed!


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