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1

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 17 April 2024, 14:27:37 »

I applied for a job in an ice cream parlour.. They turned me down when I said I can’t do Sundays


My doctor told me that I’m suffering from paranoia. Well, he didn’t actually say that, but I could tell that’s what he was thinking.


I had a pelican curry for lunch, it tasted nice, but the bill was enormous.


There was a woman selling batteries down the park. She sells C cells by the seesaw...

2

General Car Chat / Re: Remap questions

« on: 12 March 2024, 07:22:30 »

I can tell you the very first thing Main Dealer BMW diagnostic software does now (10 years ago it didn't) is check for a remap, it then lists everything that is now excluded from warranty (pretty much everything).

3

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 10 March 2024, 17:53:07 »

I joined a nudist colony a few weeks ago… first few days were the hardest.

The owner of Dulux has been found dead from hypothermia… police said he needed another coat.

4

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 05 March 2024, 19:29:00 »

It’s now been six months since I joined the gym and still I see no improvements. I’ll have to go there in person tomorrow to find out what the problem is.

5

General Car Chat / Re: Sadly leaving Omega world

« on: 05 March 2024, 07:24:39 »

No need to leave... many of us no longer have Omegas!!!!

6

General Car Chat / Re: Understanding DPF issues

« on: 17 February 2024, 17:25:18 »

Once the car is fully up to temperature the glow plugs should be fully out of the equation. So a bad one shouldn't affect the idle when the engine is hot.

If you have a blocked DPF it could be soot or ash. If it's soot then a regen will sort it. A few hours on the motorway is an effective regen, even if the car isn't actively trying to perform a regen.

If the DPF is full of ash (the residue from many soot regens) then the only solution is to replace it or wash it out. Washing them out is messy but 100% effective, I've done a few now. The DPF's are ceramic and to get the ash out you can only force it out at the engine end, i.e. pressure wash from the exhaust end. That's obviously with the DPF removed from the car!!!

I'd get your DPF sorted then see how the car runs.

7

General Discussion Area / Re: Mower oil.

« on: 18 October 2023, 16:43:29 »

I was looking at something similar for air compressors.

Basically 30W oil is 30W oil when cold and when hot, so it's thick when it's cold.

5W30 is like 5W oil when cold, but like 30W oil when hot.

If your mower engine runs nice and hot then it'll be seeing 30W oil when it's hot, i.e. running. So 5W30 will be fine.

In an air compressor the piston etc. doesn't get very hot so when it's running with 5W30 it's seeing 5W oil when it needs 30W oil - bad!

(With air compressor oil apparently there's more to it, you actually need special compressor oil too...)

8

General Car Chat / Re: Automatic Transmission Fluid - Which brand?

« on: 04 August 2023, 07:38:24 »

If you have ZF gearboxes then ZF is very, very specific about only using the correct ZF Lifeguard oil. Lifeguard6 for 6 speed boxes, Lifeguard8 for the 8 speed boxes, etc.

A transmission specialist I've spoken to only uses genuine oil.

With the cost of these gearboxes being in the thousands, even a rebuild £3k, I've always used the correct genuine oil. It does visually look and smell different to alternatives.

Having said that with an older high mile car, surely fresh Comma or Mannol oil that claims to be the right spec is better than the old dirty and worn out oil.

Note that whilst some manufacturers claim "sealed for life" ZF themselves state you should change the oil every 50k to 70k miles dependent on use.

9

General Car Chat / Re: If anyone has a Halfords trade card and needs some new axle stands...

« on: 12 April 2023, 12:44:41 »

That description is pretty misleading...the axle stands are 1.5 tonne each.

10

General Car Chat / Re: Current Omega Market / what to do with my project (Not a FS Thread)

« on: 10 February 2023, 08:54:45 »

You will be able to get it all fixed for a fraction of the cost of 99% of other people.

If you offload it broken it'll be scrapped or broken for parts (and I'm not sure there's even much of a market for Omega parts these days).

I think it makes a nice project, fix it up bit by bit. Definitely polish the paint that'll help it sell. Then sell it. Even if you don't get a great price someone will get a decent car.

11

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 09 January 2023, 08:30:26 »

So I was in the gym earlier working away and discovered a hole in my trainer big enough to wiggle my finger in. Anyway, she's complained and I've now been barred....

12

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 19 December 2022, 18:41:02 »

My car wouldn't start this morning.
I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine block.
He said: "Good day to you Sir! And might I remark how splendid you look today?"
I knew the problem straight away.






Bat flattery

13

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 22 November 2022, 08:34:36 »

Vegans: Why not buy a Tesla so you have two things to tell people about when you meet them.

14

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 21 November 2022, 08:36:33 »

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

15

General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes

« on: 15 November 2022, 20:25:02 »

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.










I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body....or the fact I knew where he lived