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[STEMO]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

[Sir Tigger KC]

I bet you were steaming! 

[ronnyd]

It,s an age thing.

[aaronjb]

I think it's time to check yourself into assisted living, you're clearly a danger to yourself and others at this point...

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

I think it's time to check yourself into Dignitas, you're clearly a danger to yourself and others at this point...

Bit strong.  ................probably right though.

[aaronjb]

He knows I'm only teasing.


.. Or am I.

[Gaffers]

I don't know which is worse; doing what you did, or admitting to it

[Kevin Wood]

Need to get yourself an induction hob. Ideal for the infirm.

Dignitas isn't a bad idea either, mind.

[Varche]

I think it's time to check yourself into assisted living, you're clearly a danger to yourself and others at this point...

Spot on. If it was an isolated incident then no problem. I am wondering if there is actually a wifey and if he has actually been taking his meds.

[STEMO]

I waited till it set and it came off in a nice frisbee shape. Really good at repelling stuff these ceramic hobs. 

[STEMO]

And I'm not ready for the old people's home just yet, could happen to anybody. 

[Lizzie Zoom]

And I'm not ready for the old people's home just yet, could happen to anybody. 

Welcome to my world STEMO!  The clock is ticking down, but I'm first to that nice cosy chair in the lounge, that's if it still exists when we finally get there!!

[Kevin Wood]

Cosy chair? That'll be an extra £500 a week, please!

[aaronjb]

Cosy chair? That'll be an extra £500 a week, please!

Fixed..

[Lizzie Zoom]

Cosy chair? That'll be an extra £500 a week, please!

Fixed..

Yep, that is the way it is all going unless you have a spare £1 million in the bank when we are 75

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

And I'm not ready for the old people's home just yet, could happen to anybody. 

Welcome to my world STEMO!  The clock is ticking down, but I'm first to that nice cosy chair by the sunny window, with a bit of potato stuck to my chin

Sounds idyllic. 

[Lizzie Zoom]

And I'm not ready for the old people's home just yet, could happen to anybody. 

Welcome to my world STEMO!  The clock is ticking down, but I'm first to that nice cosy chair by the sunny window, with a bit of potato stuck to my chin

Sounds idyllic. 

What, the sing song and holding hands sessions, along with mushy, easily eaten food and old folk social politics?  I can't wait!!!

[aaronjb]

Apparently those places are like one big swingers club.. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/older-people-stis-sexually-transmitted-infections-50-to-70-chief-medical-officer-report-dame-sally-a7463861.html

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

And I'm not ready for the old people's home just yet, could happen to anybody. 

Welcome to my world STEMO!  The clock is ticking down, but I'm first to that nice cosy chair in the lounge, that's if it still exists when we finally get there!!

It will almost certainly smell of 'leaked urine'

[Varche]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

I bet it is served on silver salvers at a table so long you need field glasses to see Mrs Opti at the other end.

[STEMO]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

I bet it is served on silver salvers at a table so long you need field glasses to see Mrs Opti at the other end.

He looks through the wrong end so she appears further away 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

And I'm not ready for the old people's home just yet, could happen to anybody. 

Yes it can.

But if it happens on a regular basis get it checked out (if you can 'remember' that it happens on a regular basis)

[Lizzie Zoom]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

At the level of middle class I am from, upper, it was breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper Opti.  Do you remember those days Opti?

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

At the level of middle class I am from, upper, it was breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper Opti.  Do you remember those days Opti?

I'm barely out of my teens, Lizzie.

[Lizzie Zoom]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

At the level of middle class I am from, upper, it was breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper Opti.  Do you remember those days Opti?

I'm barely out of my teens, Lizzie.

    I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

At the level of middle class I am from, upper, it was breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper Opti.  Do you remember those days Opti?

I'm barely out of my teens, Lizzie.

    I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

Ah.....a case of men running the world and making important decisions while the women are left to discuss the more mundane aspects of life in another room. Perhaps enjoying a little knitting.

[BazaJT]

Does kind of beg the question why you're putting an electric kettle on the hob in the first place? Not being one of the "refined" society it's always been breakfast,dinner,tea and supper for me Gravel sandwiches without the bread and first up best dressed

[STEMO]

Does kind of beg the question why you're putting an electric kettle on the hob in the first place? Not being one of the "refined" society it's always been breakfast,dinner,tea and supper for me Gravel sandwiches without the bread and first up best dressed

Ermm......let me see........accidentally? 

[TheBoy]

Would you rather have shat yourself?

[Kevin Wood]

Would you rather have shat yourself?

Did he say he hasn't?

[STEMO]

Would you rather have shat yourself?

Every time 

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

That warm familiar comforting feeling. 

[Lizzie Zoom]

Wifey was late home tonight after a governors meeting. I was tired but started our tea at about 8:15. Made the dinner and finished of by making two cups of tea. Sat down and ate..and talked...and ate a bit more..then........what's that smell?

At this point I could do an Opti and ask you all to guess. But you'd only say I'd shit meself again, so I won't.

I'd made the tea and put the electric kettle firmly on to the hob, on the ring I'd just turned off. The bottom of the kettle had turned into a black, plasticky goo and, when I lifted it up, it left strings of plastic like pizza cheese.

What a pillock.

In refined society we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

.......rather than breakfast, dinner, and tea.

At the level of middle class I am from, upper, it was breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper Opti.  Do you remember those days Opti?

I'm barely out of my teens, Lizzie.

    I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

Ah.....a case of men running the world and making important decisions while the women are left to discuss the more mundane aspects of life in another room. Perhaps enjoying a little knitting.

Or rather the stronger women planning how they were going to manipulate "their men" into making correct decisions!

[Sir Tigger KC]

I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

What Lord Opti got up to with his aristocratic chums in his youth is best left in those pre war the Drawing Rooms Lizzie! 

[Lizzie Zoom]

I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

What Lord Opti got up to with his aristocratic chums in his youth is best left in those pre war the Drawing Rooms Lizzie! 

That is where us ladies would be withdrawn to, so we would not welcome men there once they went to the library as we would discuss womanly subjects.  Mind you, goodness knows what Lord Opti would have got up to in those days Sir Tigger!!

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

What Lord Opti got up to with his aristocratic chums in his youth is best left in those pre war the Drawing Rooms Lizzie! 

That is where us ladies would be withdrawn to, so we would not welcome men there once they went to the library as we would discuss womanly subjects.  Mind you, goodness knows what Lord Opti would have got up to in those days Sir Tigger!!

[/highlight]


Much the same as today, Lizzie................a likeable rogue.

[Lizzie Zoom]

I bet you remember smoking cigars and drinking brandy in the library with the other men prior to WW2 Lord Opti

What Lord Opti got up to with his aristocratic chums in his youth is best left in those pre war the Drawing Rooms Lizzie! 

That is where us ladies would be withdrawn to, so we would not welcome men there once they went to the library as we would discuss womanly subjects.  Mind you, goodness knows what Lord Opti would have got up to in those days Sir Tigger!!

[/highlight]


Much the same as today, Lizzie................a likeable rogue.

I'm sure about that Lord Opti!

[STEMO]

D'yer mind, you two love birds, this thread is about me being senile.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

D'yer mind, you two love birds, this thread is about me being senile.

Yes. Sorry. Make an appointment to see the quack...... try not to forget.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Reminder for STMO  to make an appointment to see the doctor about his poor memory.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Would a 'reminder' every 30 minutes suffice?

Hmmm.....it's possible he could go wandering into town and get lost.

Best make it every 15 minutes.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

A lot of old people tend to 'wander'

[Viral_Jim]

A lot of old people tend to 'wander'

But given the social care funding crisis, and the timely inclement weather, should we really be discouraging this? Surely the socially responsible thing to do would be to let nature take its course... 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

A lot of old people tend to 'wander'

But given the social care funding crisis, and the timely inclement weather, should we really be discouraging this? Surely the socially responsible thing to do would be to let nature take its course... 

Good point, Jimmy..... a week from now he could be found dead next to a frozen whippet encased in a block of ice.

Think how much that would save the taxpayer.

[Viral_Jim]

Its the way he would have wanted to go!

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Its the way he would have wanted to go!

Yes. Totally selfless like all scousers.

[STEMO]

What were we talking about again?

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

So....he won't be needing his car then.

Shame to let it go to waste.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

What were we talking about again?

Your imminent demise.

[STEMO]

Just got back from a walk with my whippet westie. The wind is starting to get a bit...erm.....bracing. Was up at 5:20 this morning brushing the snow off wifey's car, so I could really do with my nap about now.
Sorry, Opti and Jimmy, but I am fit as a fiddle and will be annoying you for years yet. 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Just got back from a walk with my [s]whippet[/s] westie. The wind is starting to get a bit...erm.....bracing. Was up at 5:20 this morning brushing the snow off wifey's car, so I could really do with my nap about now.
Sorry, Opti and Jimmy, but I am fit as a fiddle and will be annoying you for years yet. 

The cracks are showing......unsure which breed of mutt you own is a sure sign 'the little grey cells' are doing a runner.

[ronnyd]

A lot of old people tend to 'wander'

Like you are now you mean.

[Rods2]

Where he is on his last legs, I bet every time STEMO has an accident he smiles thinking, well I ain't going like Elvis this time.