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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 102308 times)

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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #75 on: 14 May 2012, 13:51:19 »


Checking  out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own shopping bags in future because plastic bags weren't good for the environment//.....



 :) :) :) Splendid - that's another top ten-er. 8) :y
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #76 on: 14 May 2012, 13:52:13 »



I THINK YOU ARE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS
 

 


 ;D ;D ;D Splendid. :y
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #77 on: 14 May 2012, 13:53:34 »


This guy is 72years old and loves to fish.



Yep, that was a tickler. ;D ;D ;D :y
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Zippy2012

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #78 on: 14 May 2012, 15:48:55 »

My wife lay dying. I was by her bedside.she said in a tired voice.”There’s something I must confess.”

“Shhh. There’s nothing to confess. Everything’s all right.”

“No I must die in peace. I shagged your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!”

“I know,” i whispered “That’s why I poisoned you, you bitch, now close your oppsin eyes”
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Zippy2012

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #79 on: 14 May 2012, 15:49:37 »

Mary asked Paddy if he was stranded on a desert island with one person in the world, who would he like it to be.

“My Uncle Mick.” replies Paddy without a moments hesitation.

“Really? What’s so special about him?” asks Mary.

Paddy says,

“He’s got a boat.”
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Zippy2012

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #80 on: 14 May 2012, 15:51:05 »

A family take their mum to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her then sit
her in a chair by the window. She slowly starts to lean over to one
side. 2 attentive nurses straighten her up. She starts to tilt to the
other side The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all
morning. The family arrive and asks Are they treatin you alright? Its
pretty nice, mum replies, except the bastards won’t let you fart!
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Zippy2012

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #81 on: 14 May 2012, 15:52:45 »

Man in ice cream shop slaps his son around the head and says, what
flavour do you want fat head? The shop keeper is shocked and says, why
did you slap your son and call him fat head? Man replies there are 3
things in life a man wants. A big car which I have, a great big house,
which I have and a wife with a nice tight pussy. I had that too…until
fat head came along!!!
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jonnycool

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #82 on: 14 May 2012, 22:15:30 »

 ;D ;D ;D Some good ones there  :y
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Martian

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #83 on: 15 May 2012, 14:26:20 »

I'm backing Chelsea to win the Champions League.
After all, it wouldn't be the first time the Germans f*cked over the Yids.
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dbug

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HEADLINES FROM 2030?
« Reply #84 on: 16 May 2012, 21:37:38 »

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions .

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as the UK's third language.

Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.

Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a Burqa:  Sharia law must be enforced.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet is unemployed. UK Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.

Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

Britain's deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Jose Manuel Rodriguez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.

Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

After a ten year £75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labour Party: Scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human  rights. Victims to be held only partly responsible for crime.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.

Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.

Bradford won this years FA cup final beating the Hindu Hornets 4-1.

 :o :o ::)
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Del Boy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #85 on: 17 May 2012, 17:46:31 »

Earlier today a girl was kicked out of Disney Land. Apparently she sat on Pinocchio's face and kept telling him to lie.
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PhilRich

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #86 on: 18 May 2012, 23:17:21 »

Thank God for jokers everywhere! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
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OOMV6

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #87 on: 19 May 2012, 13:51:02 »

Let's offend everyone - let me know if you think I've missed anybody.

I've just come out of the store with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.  A poor homeless man sitting there said, 'I've not eaten for two days.'   I told him, 'I wish I had your f**king will power.'

Top Tip;   if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.  Wish me luck;  I appear in court next Monday.

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Arabs" were not the correct answers.

A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually '

I walked past a coloured kid sitting on the pavement as I headed to get some cash. As I came out of the Bank he  looked at me and said 'Any change' I said 'Nope!  You're still black'


Snow in the forecast!  The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong?? The boy says Me ma is dead Oh bejaysus the man says do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?? The boy replies No tanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment.

I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a
winner & I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.


I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself,   I'm having that.


Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland .   He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I?? The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back Ya canna kid me ya flash bastard.  You?re in that rather basket.


I had a Trivia competition wrapped up until the last question which I got wrong.    The question was, Where do women have the curliest hair?? The answer I should have given was Fiji
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Lampynoiseboy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #88 on: 19 May 2012, 17:13:35 »

Just seen my first scouse porn film, "debbie does f*ck all"
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Lampynoiseboy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #89 on: 19 May 2012, 17:15:20 »

My senile mate keeps knocking on his own front door, then going round the back to answer it.

He doesn't know what he's letting himself in for
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Trouble strikes in series of three's, but when working on the car, the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three
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