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Mr Skrunts

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- Joke
« on: 16 February 2009, 13:56:52 »

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It’s hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father’s the reason for your elongated penises ?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother?" the doctor asked. "You idiot, women don’t have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."


Would have had Skrunties Joke thread in the title - Dont blame me
« Last Edit: 16 February 2009, 13:58:57 by skruntie »
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #1 on: 16 February 2009, 14:03:48 »

New bossman        
        

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?” Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $300.00 a week. Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #2 on: 16 February 2009, 14:06:51 »

Smart thinking        
        

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some stupid person wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No shit?" replied the boy. "Who’d she play for?"
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r1

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #3 on: 16 February 2009, 16:08:40 »

 :y   :y :y
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Proz

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #4 on: 16 February 2009, 16:25:01 »

 :D :D :y
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Kieran

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #5 on: 16 February 2009, 16:27:37 »

 ;D ;D ;D
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #6 on: 17 February 2009, 02:04:56 »

Different Perspective        
        

Scenario.
A girl and boy have been having a relationship for about four months. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.

Her story:
Well Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately, so we go to this restaurant and he’s still a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it’s me or something so I ask him and he says no but you know I’m not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don’t know what the hell that means because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything so when we get back to his place I’m wondering if he’s going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I’m going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and I dunno I just don’t know what he thinks anymore, I mean, do you think he’s met someone else ???

His story:
Shit day at work. Great shag later.
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Sad

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #7 on: 17 February 2009, 09:14:48 »

 ;D :) ;D
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STMO123

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Re: - Joke
« Reply #8 on: 17 February 2009, 10:32:44 »

Quote
Smart thinking        
        

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some stupid person wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No shit?" replied the boy. "Who’d she play for?"

Very good  :y
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