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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 155345 times)

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Tonka.

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #135 on: 06 June 2012, 10:18:48 »

 ;D ;D ;D :y :y :y
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #136 on: 06 June 2012, 16:14:00 »


As I sat down in the pub//.....



 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Very good indeed. 8) :y
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Lampynoiseboy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #137 on: 06 June 2012, 19:42:20 »


As I sat down in the pub//.....



 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Very good indeed. 8) :y

I'm gonna try that at the weekend, I have a 5110 somewhere......should shut the gayphone owners up!!!
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #138 on: 09 June 2012, 16:01:28 »

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies - like an arrow. Fruit flies - like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #139 on: 09 June 2012, 16:08:05 »

It'll happen to us all.......


A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should
meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof
Zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses
and nice breasts.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is
agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof Zum Lowen restaurant because
the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is
agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof Zum Lowen restaurant because
they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke-free.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is
agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof Zum Lowen restaurant because
it is wheel-chair accessible and they even have an lift.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is
agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof Zum Lowen restaurant because
they have never been there before.
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #140 on: 09 June 2012, 16:23:56 »

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he... has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Paddy
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #141 on: 09 June 2012, 16:31:25 »

Old Timers Bar

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Spain.

They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timer's Bar - all
drinks 1.00 €

They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on
in and let me pour one for you!

What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a
martini.. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis....shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 1.00 € each, please.'

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment.

Then look at each other...they can't believe their good luck.

They pay the 4.00 €, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again
saying, 'That's 4.00 €, please..' They pay the 1.00 €, but their
curiosity is more than they can stand.

They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent 2.00 €.

Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good
as these for 1.00 € each?'

'I'm a retired tailor from Sydney,' the bartender said, 'and I always
wanted to own a bar.? Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and
decided to open this place.

Every drink costs ten cents - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'

Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and
asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'

The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all retired pommies from the caravan park
waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Lampynoiseboy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #142 on: 09 June 2012, 18:31:55 »

Linoleum Blownapart

Actual LOL  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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jonnycool

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #143 on: 09 June 2012, 20:24:40 »

Some great jokes there  :y :y
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #144 on: 10 June 2012, 20:56:04 »

Old Timers Bar//....




 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D One for the top ten. :y :y


Those other three weren't too bad either. :y
« Last Edit: 10 June 2012, 20:59:51 by Dummkopf Den »
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scimmy_man

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #145 on: 10 June 2012, 21:18:41 »

The wifes sister knocked me out today.

what sort of sick mind  puts chloroform on used knickers?
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Omegatoy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #146 on: 11 June 2012, 21:33:27 »

 ;DHOW DID I LIVE ALL THESE YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING THIS?
I'll bet you never knew this !!!
In the original native culture of Thailand , when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following ceremony:   
They stood naked in a large circle, facing inward.  A naked girl stood behind each of the men.  A beautiful, naked girl did a sexy dance in the center of the circle.
As soon as all the men became aroused and developed erections, the girls behind them reached through between their legs, pulled their erect penises downward as much as they could, and then released them.
The men's penises would then spring back up and go "WHAP!" against their bellies.
This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . .
  . . And that's why the current capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok .

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #147 on: 14 June 2012, 11:08:10 »

Six Golden Rules

Six Golden Rules For F***ing...

These rules are so true.

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing dont eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.

So remember:




FASTING is good for your health, and it may cleanse your Dirty Mind.
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Johnny English

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #148 on: 15 June 2012, 17:56:56 »

EURO 2012 for free.


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Lampynoiseboy

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #149 on: 17 June 2012, 16:42:40 »

I've just fitted a strobe in the bedroom

Makes the wife look like she's moving during sex
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Trouble strikes in series of three's, but when working on the car, the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three
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