When it's a CDX with leather....... On my continuing search for a new ride i have met the shadier end of the car dealers. I know all car dealers aren't scum but boy have some really wasted my time. So today I got the heads up from somebody who knew somebody who knew somebodies dog who talked to the cat who knew a.........oh you get the picture. Well I wasn't interested but then suddenly I thought well I am going that way I'll take a look. Well I pulled up at a house which looked like it had spent time in Beirut during the troubles. Man answers door in clothes which are covered in filler dust and old oil. The alarm bells are now screaming in my ears and I know i should walk away but no I go and have a look. First impressions are "well what shade of green should it be?" it's clearly more than one shade. If I could of been bothered i would of counted em but I lost the will to live past 4. So I say to him. "you done some body repairs" he says "no I haven't touched it" hmmm I can see the green over spray on his clothes. So I open the drivers door (don't ask me why I did that I'm still disturbed by the fact I even turned up to see it) and it's stuck to the rubber with yep you guessed it over spray. So now I'm getting irritated that I'm wasting time I could of allocated to more importing things like doing nothing. So it's time to make the guy squirm and how many lies he can tell me between now and the time I tell him to poke it. I question the smell of solvent exiting the now open door which if I'm frightened to let go of in case it falls off. His reply was mustard "Just been valeted" "Holly sh*t I reply did they have the neck to charge you" the interior looks like the inside of a south American prison. I can't help myself now so I open the bonnet "Has it been cleaned under here" I ask "oh yes it's spotless.....for a car of this age" he quickly adds. I lift the bonnet and a look of total shock comes my face. I am staring at the aftermath of the BP gulf oil spill. In fact I'm sure that I saw a dead oil covered cormorant down by the battery which looks to small to power a torch let alone a V6. There's botched wiring, pipes not connected and rounded nuts all over the show. I ask him when the last cambelt change was "two weeks ago" comes the reply. Yep on the cambelt cover written (badly) in tippex is the date and mileage from two weeks previous. According to mileometer the car has covered exactly zero miles since the belt was done. Hmmm I'd say nothing has been moved under that bonnet in months. I pull the dipstick. Crude oil drips slowly off the stick on to the engine and is instantly absorbed by strange organic dirty blotchy oil life form which covers it. "I'll just start her up for you" "NO" i yell she'll blow the crap out of the south of England" To late I hear a click and a lazy starter motor starts to trundle over. I step back say a quiet prayer. Nothing happens, well actually something does but I'm not killed or worse covered in dripping organic life form engine gunge. The engine starts to turn over. It's wobberling on it's mounts as it gasps for air. Trying to fill it's lungs. The lurching gets faster. Building up a head of steam the poor old thing does it's best. There's a splutter, it catches then dies instantly. Before I can say don't bother the filler covered yeti is wrenching the key (in a very loose barrel) once more and stamping on the throttle trying to get some petrol to squirt from the non existent accelerator jets (remember them kids?) the car wobbles on it's worn springs. The shocks unable even to cope with the engines movement. A splutter and a plume of exhaust gases exits into the engine bay then suddenly just as the ever ready silver battery is losing the will to live BRRRRMRATTLECOUGHCOUGHBANG.....BANG!!!!!!!!!
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Topic: When's a Elite not a Elite???? (Read 5276 times)