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Author Topic: Speaking of bog roll . . .  (Read 1377 times)

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Field Marshal Dr. Opti

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Speaking of bog roll . . .
« on: 04 May 2018, 13:56:55 »

...........this is what you need as an employer if your workers are spending too much time taking a 'comfort break' :)

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #1 on: 04 May 2018, 14:14:43 »

Have you ordered a box for "downstairs" at Opti manor?

As an aside what were you searching for when you found that.?
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #2 on: 04 May 2018, 14:23:25 »

Have you ordered a box for "downstairs" at Opti manor?

As an aside what were you searching for when you found that.?

Indeed I have, Mr Varche. :)

 Too late now but this excellent product could have saved British Leyland back in the day. :)
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #3 on: 04 May 2018, 15:41:01 »

Have you ordered a box for "downstairs" at Opti manor?

As an aside what were you searching for when you found that.?

Indeed I have, Mr Varche. :)

 Too late now but this excellent product could have saved British Leyland back in the day. :)

I'm sure that you are on hand with the soothing baby lotion after the maid has been in the downstairs kazi?   :)
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #4 on: 06 May 2018, 07:12:54 »


Nah, Izal paper in boxes is best. You know the stuff that's all shiny so it doesn't actually clean it just spreads it around a bit    :o

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #5 on: 06 May 2018, 08:01:10 »

And had such sharp edges it'd cut your arse to ribbons too ;D
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Field Marshal Dr. Opti

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #6 on: 06 May 2018, 12:08:20 »


Nah, Izal paper in boxes is best. You know the stuff that's all shiny so it doesn't actually clean it just spreads it around a bit    :o

There should be a warning on the box......"this product will not work with runny stools".


....consult the Bristol stool chart before use. :)
« Last Edit: 06 May 2018, 12:11:17 by Field Marshal Dr. Opti »
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #7 on: 06 May 2018, 12:36:44 »

To resuse, place in washing machine on a hot wash and full spin..... ::)
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #8 on: 06 May 2018, 13:27:32 »

My Nan used to keep that Izal stuff in her downstairs loo, but ordinary toilet tissue in the upstairs bathroom.  :)

I always used to head upstairs to do my business, but often got firmly told to use the downstairs loo as " that's good enough for a little squirt like you! "   ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #9 on: 06 May 2018, 14:39:29 »

My Nan used to keep that Izal stuff in her downstairs loo, but ordinary toilet tissue in the upstairs bathroom.  :)

I always used to head upstairs to do my business, but often got firmly told to use the downstairs loo as " that's good enough for a little squirt like you! "   ;D
You should have informed your Nan that it was the little squirts that were causing the problems with the downstairs toilet paper.  ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #10 on: 06 May 2018, 14:54:24 »

My Nan used to keep that Izal stuff in her downstairs loo, but ordinary toilet tissue in the upstairs bathroom.  :)

I always used to head upstairs to do my business, but often got firmly told to use the downstairs loo as " that's good enough for a little squirt like you! "   ;D
You should have informed your Nan that it was the little squirts that were causing the problems with the downstairs toilet paper.  ;D


 Strips of the Daily Mirror on a nail was a luxury when I was a nipper. :)

I seem to recall wiping my arse on Christine Keeler. ;)
« Last Edit: 06 May 2018, 15:04:30 by Field Marshal Dr. Opti »
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #11 on: 06 May 2018, 17:32:14 »

My Nan used to keep that Izal stuff in her downstairs loo, but ordinary toilet tissue in the upstairs bathroom.  :)

I always used to head upstairs to do my business, but often got firmly told to use the downstairs loo as " that's good enough for a little squirt like you! "   ;D
You should have informed your Nan that it was the little squirts that were causing the problems with the downstairs toilet paper.  ;D

I'd have got a clip round the ear for being cheeky!  ::)  :)
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #12 on: 06 May 2018, 22:44:32 »



So . . . . moving on

Why is todays "quality" bog roll so thin and have such small sheets. I used to travel to the the USA quite often, and I used at least twice as much arse wipe over there as here. I use Travelodge hotels quite a bit, if they think they are saving money by have such crap bog paper, they're wrong as I use at least twice as much. At least 4 or even 6 sheets to the fold  8) and yes, this matters. It is of mega importance    ::)




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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #13 on: 06 May 2018, 23:12:47 »



So . . . . moving on

Why is todays "quality" bog roll so thin and have such small sheets. I used to travel to the the USA quite often, and I used at least twice as much arse wipe over there as here. I use Travelodge hotels quite a bit, if they think they are saving money by have such crap bog paper, they're wrong as I use at least twice as much. At least 4 or even 6 sheets to the fold  8) and yes, this matters. It is of mega importance    ::)

4 to 6 sheets! Are you a large chap Rog?  ???  ::)  :-\  :)
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #14 on: 06 May 2018, 23:25:34 »

I don't know what he does and I'm not asking, but my son uses almost a whole bog roll at each "sitting" - I'm thinking of imposing a bog roll surcharge!  ::)

Ron.
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #15 on: 07 May 2018, 00:01:06 »

I don't know what he does and I'm not asking, but my son uses almost a whole bog roll at each "sitting" - I'm thinking of imposing a bog roll surcharge!  ::)

Ron.

Sounds like you need to swap the Andrex for a box of tracing paper Ron!  ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #16 on: 07 May 2018, 04:08:16 »



So . . . . moving on

Why is todays "quality" bog roll so thin and have such small sheets. I used to travel to the the USA quite often, and I used at least twice as much arse wipe over there as here. I use Travelodge hotels quite a bit, if they think they are saving money by have such crap bog paper, they're wrong as I use at least twice as much. At least 4 or even 6 sheets to the fold  8) and yes, this matters. It is of mega importance    ::)

4 to 6 sheets! Are you a large chap Rog?  ???  ::)  :-\  :)

Largish-ish yes, but not 4-6 of decent quality. My point is that sometimes in hotels they buy such cheap really thin paper with incredibly small sheets.


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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #17 on: 07 May 2018, 06:45:44 »



Sounds like you need to swap the Andrex for a box of tracing paper Ron!  ;D
[/quote]

I did suggest a wire brush and Dettol!  ;D

Ron.
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #18 on: 07 May 2018, 10:37:34 »



So . . . . moving on

Why is todays "quality" bog roll so thin and have such small sheets. I used to travel to the the USA quite often, and I used at least twice as much arse wipe over there as here. I use Travelodge hotels quite a bit, if they think they are saving money by have such crap bog paper, they're wrong as I use at least twice as much. At least 4 or even 6 sheets to the fold  8) and yes, this matters. It is of mega importance    ::)

4 to 6 sheets! Are you a large chap Rog?  ???  ::)  :-\  :)

Largish-ish yes, but not 4-6 of decent quality. My point is that sometimes in hotels they buy such cheap really thin paper with incredibly small sheets.

You're right Rog, in that it's probably a false economy.  There's nothing worse than the tissue disintegrating as you wipe!  ::)

You should write in.  On their cheap bog roll of course!  :y
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #19 on: 07 May 2018, 10:57:35 »

but my son uses almost a whole bog roll at each "sitting"
In my (fairly extensive ;D) experience of "cleaning up", you instinctively know after about 3 wipes if you're making progress, and if you should just give up and get the pressure washer out.

The only exception is the aftermath of a nice lamb naga, where you have to revert to the blotting method, rather than an abrasive wipe on quilted velvet, due to the delicate nature of the operation.
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #20 on: 07 May 2018, 21:38:26 »



So . . . . moving on

Why is todays "quality" bog roll so thin and have such small sheets. I used to travel to the the USA quite often, and I used at least twice as much arse wipe over there as here. I use Travelodge hotels quite a bit, if they think they are saving money by have such crap bog paper, they're wrong as I use at least twice as much. At least 4 or even 6 sheets to the fold  8) and yes, this matters. It is of mega importance    ::)

4 to 6 sheets! Are you a large chap Rog?  ???  ::)  :-\  :)

Largish-ish yes, but not 4-6 of decent quality. My point is that sometimes in hotels they buy such cheap really thin paper with incredibly small sheets.

You're right Rog, in that it's probably a false economy.  There's nothing worse than the tissue disintegrating as you wipe!  ::)

You should write in.  On their cheap bog roll of course!  :y

Yes there is, the paper is so thin that you are actually using your bare fingers!  :o    Hands up nail biters  ::)



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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #21 on: 08 May 2018, 07:38:08 »

Must be a big bog roll cos it's still unrolling :D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #22 on: 12 May 2018, 17:52:51 »

Thank god we dont have Zamo roll any more  that was a ass ripper ;D ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #23 on: 13 May 2018, 02:25:52 »

Go and visit Ukraine to find out what the term 'shit hole' really means. ::) ::) ::)  In a  village house like the MILs it is in the outside room.  A hole in the concrete to joint the rest in the smelly pit below. In the summer you have plenty of company from the flies buzzing around, whilst perfecting your aim trough the hole in the concrete slab so you don't leave a 'signature' behind on the concrete rim. If you have a loose bowel then you add your 'graffiti' all over the concrete to join the others, the swarm of flies will thank you. :o :o :o

And this is pure luxury compared to the free public toilets, the paid ones aren't so bad as they give you two sheets, to clean up your small/large, wet/dry discharge afterwards, you need more, live with the clinkers until your evening shower. :o :o :o

To say it is enlightening and character forming how other countries live and unpleasant sums it up. :o :o :o It is obviously a mainland European way of life as french public toilets with their hole and raised foot placers aren't much better. :o :o :o
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #24 on: 13 May 2018, 06:12:30 »



To say it is enlightening and character forming how other countries live and unpleasant sums it up. :o :o :o It is obviously a mainland European way of life as french public toilets with their hole and raised foot placers aren't much better. :o :o :o

Back in the early 80s I was staying in a moderately expensive hotel in central Paris, and that was the "toilet", and in the corner of the bedroom    ??? I was alone, but I'm sure it would have been very romantic if I'd been with the Mrs

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #25 on: 13 May 2018, 07:40:42 »



To say it is enlightening and character forming how other countries live and unpleasant sums it up. :o :o :o It is obviously a mainland European way of life as french public toilets with their hole and raised foot placers aren't much better. :o :o :o

Back in the early 80s I was staying in a moderately expensive hotel in central Paris, and that was the "toilet", and in the corner of the bedroom    ??? I was alone, but I'm sure it would have been very romantic if I'd been with the Mrs
But surely, if your aged or infirm, these things would be very difficult to use?
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #26 on: 13 May 2018, 16:04:50 »



To say it is enlightening and character forming how other countries live and unpleasant sums it up. :o :o :o It is obviously a mainland European way of life as french public toilets with their hole and raised foot placers aren't much better. :o :o :o

Back in the early 80s I was staying in a moderately expensive hotel in central Paris, and that was the "toilet", and in the corner of the bedroom    ??? I was alone, but I'm sure it would have been very romantic if I'd been with the Mrs
But surely, if your aged or infirm, these things would be very difficult to use?
Feet apart and lean on your frame... You'll be fine  :-*
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #27 on: 13 May 2018, 16:13:03 »

When you,re incontinent you really don,t give s sh*t.  :P
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #28 on: 13 May 2018, 18:58:08 »

Apparently you do,it's just that by the time you find out it's too late :D :D ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #29 on: 13 May 2018, 20:38:11 »

Apparently you do,it's just that by the time you find out it's too late :D :D ;D
;D ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #30 on: 14 May 2018, 18:13:38 »



To say it is enlightening and character forming how other countries live and unpleasant sums it up. :o :o :o It is obviously a mainland European way of life as french public toilets with their hole and raised foot placers aren't much better. :o :o :o

Back in the early 80s I was staying in a moderately expensive hotel in central Paris, and that was the "toilet", and in the corner of the bedroom    ??? I was alone, but I'm sure it would have been very romantic if I'd been with the Mrs
And being Parisian, no doubt you emptied your contents onto a ledge on the porcelain, rather than in the water. Stupid bloody idea.
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #31 on: 14 May 2018, 18:27:19 »

I blame the Germans for that little design gem...
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #32 on: 14 May 2018, 18:30:04 »



To say it is enlightening and character forming how other countries live and unpleasant sums it up. :o :o :o It is obviously a mainland European way of life as french public toilets with their hole and raised foot placers aren't much better. :o :o :o

Back in the early 80s I was staying in a moderately expensive hotel in central Paris, and that was the "toilet", and in the corner of the bedroom    ??? I was alone, but I'm sure it would have been very romantic if I'd been with the Mrs
And being Parisian, no doubt you emptied your contents onto a ledge on the porcelain, rather than in the water. Stupid bloody idea.
Mine just runs off the ledge leaving a brown stain on it.  ;D
« Last Edit: 14 May 2018, 18:33:17 by STEMO »
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #33 on: 14 May 2018, 18:30:36 »

Nice  ;D
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #34 on: 14 May 2018, 18:41:58 »

I've just admired what I put in the potty ::)

I nearly passed out, there was an awful lot of blood  :-\
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #35 on: 14 May 2018, 19:29:38 »

I've just admired what I put in the potty ::)

I nearly passed out, there was an awful lot of blood  :-\
'Piles' of it?
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #36 on: 14 May 2018, 19:45:19 »

I've just admired what I put in the potty ::)

I nearly passed out, there was an awful lot of blood  :-\
'Piles' of it?
Yup, I think Tim* didn't like my Lamb Naga.


*Tim. I name my pile after Mr Henman, the ex tennis player. Both are useless, pointless pains in the arse, serving no benefit to anyone.
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #37 on: 14 May 2018, 19:47:48 »

Some tea just came out...
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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #38 on: 14 May 2018, 19:49:58 »

I've just admired what I put in the potty ::)

I nearly passed out, there was an awful lot of blood  :-\
'Piles' of it?
Yup, I think Tim* didn't like my Lamb Naga.


*Tim. I name my pile after Mr Henman, the ex tennis player. Both are useless, pointless pains in the arse, serving no benefit to anyone.
Lay off the hot curries for a while and shove some ointment up your Jacksie morning and night. Anusol, Prep H, whatever. If you're a good boy for a week or so, it actually works.
If it sounds like too much trouble, get Gixer to put his finger up your arse every time you go over. His finger is probably a bit bigger than what he normally uses, but I'm sure you'll get used to it.  ;D
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ronnyd

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #39 on: 14 May 2018, 20:24:42 »

Doc said to me years ago that for all the good Anusol and PrepH was you might as well stick it up yer arse ;D. Go to your Docs and ask him for a script for Ultraproct M. Ointment is good but suppositories are better. :y
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Mister Rog

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #40 on: 14 May 2018, 22:26:04 »

I've just admired what I put in the potty ::)

I nearly passed out, there was an awful lot of blood  :-\

Fresh bright red blood, that possibly spray the bowl - Haemorrhoids

Dark red or black - go see the doctor - ASAP, not so easy or good

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Kevin Wood

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #41 on: 14 May 2018, 23:29:50 »

I blame the Germans for that little design gem...

"Dump and admire"  :D
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TheBoy

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #42 on: 15 May 2018, 19:29:58 »

Doc said to me years ago that for all the good Anusol and PrepH was you might as well stick it up yer arse ;D. Go to your Docs and ask him for a script for Ultraproct M. Ointment is good but suppositories are better. :y
The ol' torpedoes like Germanoids generally make Tim go back home on the rare occasions he wants to see the outside world.

Just don't sneeze or cough for the first hour, else they fly out at an amazing rate. Apparently ::)
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And Lizzie Zoom says I'm a heartless bastid...and she's absolutely correct!

ronnyd

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Re: Speaking of bog roll . . .
« Reply #43 on: 16 May 2018, 00:07:48 »

Doc said to me years ago that for all the good Anusol and PrepH was you might as well stick it up yer arse ;D. Go to your Docs and ask him for a script for Ultraproct M. Ointment is good but suppositories are better. :y
The ol' torpedoes like Germanoids generally make Tim go back home on the rare occasions he wants to see the outside world.

Just don't sneeze or cough for the first hour, else they fly out at an amazing rate. Apparently ::)
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Yeah, you think that your crap has turned white. :D
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