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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 133005 times)

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Mister Rog

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #915 on: 30 July 2018, 23:24:28 »



My wife was rummaging through her wardrobe the other day, trying stuff on as they do.

She turned and said "look at this, it still fits me, even after 25 years!"












But it's a scarf . . . . . !!!!!



 
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Sir Tigger QC

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #916 on: 11 September 2018, 16:45:21 »

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Migv6

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #918 on: 11 September 2018, 22:23:53 »

A turkey is standing at the side of the road trying cross. A chicken walks past and says "don't do it mate, you will never hear the end of it".
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deviator

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #920 on: 18 September 2018, 15:25:07 »

A flat chested young woman goes out looking for a new bra one day.

She tries shop after shop trying to find a size 28A yet she can't get one anywhere.

Finally, in desperation, she tries her fortunes in a little unmentionables shop run by an woman who's hard of hearing.

"Have you got anything in size 28A?" asks the young woman.

"What was that, dear?" says the old woman.

The young woman repeats herself again.

Still the old woman can't hear her, so the young woman lifts up her T-shirt baring her breasts and says, "Have you got anything for these?"

The old woman peers at the woman's boobs and says, "No, dear. Have you tried Clearasil?"
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deviator

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #921 on: 20 September 2018, 12:56:21 »

Whoever has stolen my Office CD, I'm going to kill you, you have my Word.
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tigers_gonads

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #922 on: 28 September 2018, 11:54:35 »

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be a quiet one in Essex.

As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the unusual shaped coffin was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.".......   ;D
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tigers_gonads

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #923 on: 28 September 2018, 12:10:27 »

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Please feel free to give it back in the same spirit.

Entwood

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #924 on: 02 October 2018, 23:09:49 »

A wife asks her software engineer husband - "Hey, could you go to the shop for me and get a litre of milk? And if they have eggs, get six."

The husband returns with six litres of milk. - "Why on earth did you buy six liters of milk??" asks the bewildered wife.

"They had eggs."

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #925 on: 03 October 2018, 15:53:28 »

 ;D ;D
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Migv6

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #926 on: 11 October 2018, 13:25:47 »

Someone is tipping a wheelbarrow full of topsoil on my allotment every night. The plot thickens. 
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