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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 172679 times)

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smithpa7

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #210 on: 24 July 2012, 21:07:44 »

Women, do they never stop?

I bought SWMBO a vibrator last month...She hasn't stopped moaning since :D :D
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Richie London

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #211 on: 25 July 2012, 18:37:57 »

As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other.
She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed." So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #212 on: 26 July 2012, 18:30:41 »


Renault and Ford have joined forces//...



 ;D ;D ;D ;D Splendid. ;D ;D
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #213 on: 26 July 2012, 18:31:59 »


Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al//.....



 ;D ;D ;D ;D Very good P. ;D ;D
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Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #214 on: 26 July 2012, 18:33:05 »

Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.


 ;D ;D ;D ;D A wee bit of class there J. ;D ;D
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Richie London

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #215 on: 27 July 2012, 09:44:51 »

I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in.

I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?"

"Yes honey."

"What is it?"

"It's the date of our anniversary."

Bitch.
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Radar

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #216 on: 27 July 2012, 14:01:50 »

Gary Barlow has been chosen to light the olympic flame at the opening ceremony today.

He was asked by the International Olympic Committee to relight my fire :D
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #217 on: 27 July 2012, 15:04:37 »

Q. What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

A .Mask a pony
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Dishevelled Den

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #218 on: 27 July 2012, 17:37:12 »

Q. What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

A .Mask a pony


 ;D ;D ;D That was quite sweet. ;D ;D
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tigers_gonads

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #219 on: 28 July 2012, 08:28:29 »

I was at the Baths today and decided to have a sneaky pish in the deep end.The life guard must have noticed.
The t**t blew his whistle so oppsing loud,i nearly fell in.
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Please note, 95% of my posts are piss take or banter and should always be taken as so.

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tigers_gonads

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #220 on: 28 July 2012, 08:29:47 »

Rio Ferdinand has stoked up the furore by endorsing a tweet calling Ashley Cole a 'Choc Ice' - brown on the outside, white on the inside - for supporting John Terry.

I think Rio is forgetting his own mum is white. Does that make her a '99'?.
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Please note, 95% of my posts are piss take or banter and should always be taken as so.

Please feel free to give it back in the same spirit.

Richie London

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #221 on: 31 July 2012, 13:17:41 »

I've got an amazing anti-theft device on my car.
A Volvo badge
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #222 on: 31 July 2012, 15:52:50 »

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.

"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued,
"and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #223 on: 31 July 2012, 15:55:27 »

THE BROTHEL



The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County , Nevada , and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you, sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs...After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, surely a record in the history of brothels in Nevada , which date back to the early 1800's. But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' Billings , Montana .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Billings ..'
'I know,' the man said. 'I regret to tell you, but your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #224 on: 31 July 2012, 15:57:59 »

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function . The Interviewer took the opportunity to schmooze the good Doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked the Interviewer.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

The Interviewer thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

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My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?
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