Omega Owners Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Search the maintenance guides for answers to 99.999% of Omega questions

Pages: 1 ... 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 [64]   Go Down

Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 172059 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

78bex

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • 0
  • Posts: 924
    • 2.2 CD AUTO / FAZER 600
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #945 on: 19 August 2019, 00:34:31 »

A very forgetful fella calls the cops to report a dead man on his property
The cop says, "How do you know he`s dead" ;" Well I don`t  know if he`s actually dead, I just assumed he was dead.........He`s been lying out there now for about a month or could be longer I forget.
The cop say`s , "where do you live, we`ll send someone over" ; "well I used to live in the next street & I can clearly remember my old address......... let me call you back.
The cop say`s , " why do you need to call us back ; "well it`s gonna take a bit of time to drag this sucker over to the next street  :)
« Last Edit: 19 August 2019, 00:42:31 by 78bex »
Logged

Raeturbo

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • South Wales
  • Posts: 1238
    • Mv6 3.2 Mitsi Evo2
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #946 on: 19 August 2019, 22:57:44 »

Lady walks into a butchers and says, ‘you’ve got a pigs head in the window’. Butcher replies, that’s   Not a pigs head, it’s a mirror.
Logged
Laying a rubber road.

Varche

  • Omega Queen
  • ********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • middle of Andalucia
  • Posts: 11905
  • Emeritus Omega owner, found it
    • Golf Estate and 4x4 bus
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #947 on: 20 August 2019, 09:09:07 »

Best joke from the fringe...

I keep shouting Cauliflower , Broccoli . I think I have florets
Logged
My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

Andy B

  • Get A Life!!
  • **********
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Bury Lancs
  • Posts: 36861
    • R320 TDM850 SmartRoadster
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #948 on: 20 August 2019, 10:18:38 »

Best joke from the fringe...

I keep shouting Cauliflower , Broccoli . I think I have florets

There are some easily offended people out there .....  :-X
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718
Logged

Doctor Gollum

  • Omega Queen
  • ********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • In a colds and darks puddleses
  • Posts: 14668
  • If you can't eat them, join them...
    • Feetses.
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #949 on: 20 August 2019, 10:48:30 »

Best joke from the fringe...

I keep shouting Cauliflower , Broccoli . I think I have florets

There are some easily offended people out there .....  :-X
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718
https://images.app.goo.gl/xP3jLAuAyxXhTmos5
Logged
Onanists always think outside the box.

Raeturbo

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • South Wales
  • Posts: 1238
    • Mv6 3.2 Mitsi Evo2
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #950 on: 02 September 2019, 14:30:10 »

A group of HELL'S ANGELS, NORTH Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
??
BUDDY, their leader, a old navy guy in his 70???s, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says
??
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?
??
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!
??
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," Buddy also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked,
??
"Well, before you jump, Babe . . . why don't you give ol' Buddy here your best last kiss?"
??
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
??
After they breathlessly finished, Buddy gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
??
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
??
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
??
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
 
 
Logged
Laying a rubber road.

Migv6 le Frog Fan

  • Omega Lord
  • *******
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Webs End.
  • Posts: 6718
  • Nicole's Papa
    • 3.2 Elite & Welsh Hatch
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #951 on: 06 September 2019, 19:48:07 »

I said "Alexa, what do women want ?"  The bloody thing hasn't shut up for the last 7 hours.
Logged
Plastic Welsh hatchbacks are awesome.

dave the builder

  • Omega Baron
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Derbyshire
  • Posts: 2976
    • omega b2 2.6 cdxi
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #952 on: 06 September 2019, 19:57:01 »

I said "Alexa, what do women want ?"  The bloody thing hasn't shut up for the last 7 hours.
just submerse her in water for a couple of hours  :y
or unplug the Amazon device  ::)
Logged

Varche

  • Omega Queen
  • ********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • middle of Andalucia
  • Posts: 11905
  • Emeritus Omega owner, found it
    • Golf Estate and 4x4 bus
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #953 on: 08 September 2019, 14:02:14 »

Will my Continental Quilt work after Brexit?
Logged
My doctor has diagnosed me as paranoid. I wonder who else he has told?

The Pikey Pensioner

  • Administrator
  • *********
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • North Birmingham
  • Posts: 13247
  • Merc to annoy TB
    • MB C-class Estate
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #954 on: 01 October 2019, 08:18:57 »

Dianne Abbot was visiting Ireland and was asked what she thought of County Down.

She said she preferred it when Carol Vorderman was on it.
Logged
Merc lover

deviator

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Chesterfield
  • Posts: 999
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #955 on: 04 October 2019, 12:49:04 »

My wife is so ungrateful, I give her an orgasm every morning, she just spits it out.

What is most sensitive part of the male body during masterbation?
The ears.

I told my wife I had a thing for Beyonce, she said, 'What ever floats your boat', I said, 'No, thats buoyancy'

After Brexit we will only be able to import large blocks of cheese, it's a plan to make Britain grate again.

My mate and his wife have gotten into S&M. She sleeps, he masterbates.
Logged
FCR and cam lock off kit available. Deposit maybe required. Contact me.

Raeturbo

  • Omega Knight
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • South Wales
  • Posts: 1238
    • Mv6 3.2 Mitsi Evo2
    • View Profile
Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #956 on: 04 October 2019, 16:00:38 »

Guy in court for murder, judge says, what have you got to say for yourself? Why did you kill that man with sandpaper? Defendant says, I didn’t mean to kill him, I just wanted to rough him up a bit.
« Last Edit: 04 October 2019, 16:08:45 by Raeturbo »
Logged
Laying a rubber road.
Pages: 1 ... 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 [64]   Go Up
 

Page created in 0.196 seconds with 23 queries.