7996
General Discussion Area / Re: Talk about huge stress
« on: 23 March 2010, 21:18:27 »
Nasty shock for you all. I'm sure we all wish him a speedy recovery. 
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7997
General Discussion Area / Re: Happy Birthday to Me
« on: 22 March 2010, 16:02:20 »
Many Happy returns Daz, is that you on the downhill slope now? [smiley=beer.gif] [smiley=beer.gif] [smiley=beer.gif] [smiley=beer.gif] [smiley=beer.gif] [smiley=beer.gif]
7998
General Discussion Area / Re: Something sexy for the misses
« on: 22 March 2010, 22:34:41 »
Did it hurt? 
7999
General Discussion Area / Re: Tool Description
« on: 21 March 2010, 18:25:57 »Quote
40mm oval nails, they come in handy if you want to nail down central heating pipes when fixing down loose floorboards. and give the wife a shower if she stands under the light in the kitchen
Were you watching? Also, 2" screws for screwing gas pipes to the wall, prior to the explosion, (I made the explosion up!)
8-) 8-) 8-)
8000
General Discussion Area / Tool Description
« on: 21 March 2010, 16:55:27 »
I'm sure that many of us will recognise these tools.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project
which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
'Oh sh--!'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity..
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper..
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect..
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you
grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the
top of your lungs. It is also invariably the next tool that you
will need.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project
which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
'Oh sh--!'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity..
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper..
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect..
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you
grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the
top of your lungs. It is also invariably the next tool that you
will need.
8001
General Discussion Area / Re: 2.5TD Exhaust...
« on: 21 March 2010, 11:42:09 »Quote
not first come first served on here then
Try again, it is still avlbl.
8003
General Discussion Area / Brains Trust
« on: 20 March 2010, 10:12:08 »
http://tv.muxlim.com/video/oQK13UM3YzI/hold-your-plums-wasy-question-about-left-hand-drive/
An old one but good for a laugh
An old one but good for a laugh
8004
General Discussion Area / Re: Private plates.
« on: 19 March 2010, 17:32:37 »Quote
QuoteQuoteI enquired of the DVLA a number of years back if I could buy P155OFF and they told me they would not be issuing it
Spoilsports
Yeah right. I bet it has been realised since, and probably for 250/500k at that if not more.
Interestingly DVLA didn't release PEN1S although Bury council in the day released PEN15
Didn't Fiona Richmond have that back in the day?
8005
General Discussion Area / Re: kent police
« on: 19 March 2010, 11:55:22 »
As our local Neighbourhood Watch co-ordinator, I recently phoned the local Police to report suspicious characters in our Close. Afterwards I was called and asked follow up questions, including something to the effect "What would you describe your ethnic background as?" WTF!!! I told him it was none of his business, but purrleeease, where the H**l are we going with all this PC nonsense?
8006
General Discussion Area / Holiday time
« on: 22 February 2010, 11:20:52 »
Hi guys, Hello from sunny Udaipur in Rajasthan. Just thought I would piss you all off. Have spent the day lying on the sunlounger in 30 degrees, with cold drinks, watching the wild life across the infinity pool. If you ever come here, stay in this hotel. Oberoi Udaivillas, cant afford more than 4 nights, but it is the best Hotel I've ever stayed in in 40 years of travelling the world.
Enjoy the cold weather. Heh Heh Heh. 8-) 8-) 8-)
Have spent the day lying on the sunlounger in 30 degrees, with cold drinks, watching the wild life across the infinity pool. If you ever come here, stay in this hotel. Oberoi Udaivillas, cant afford more than 4 nights, but it is the best Hotel I've ever stayed in in 40 years of travelling the world.Enjoy the cold weather. Heh Heh Heh.
8-) 8-) 8-)
8007
General Discussion Area / Re: Liverpool joke
« on: 14 February 2010, 22:35:03 »
My scouse mate says he is very offended!
8008
General Discussion Area / Re: Womens Body Parts - Elbows (NWS)
« on: 16 February 2010, 09:33:29 »
Fancy staying up till midnight and looking at ................Elbows???
There's probably a name for it.
There's probably a name for it.
8009
General Discussion Area / Re: The love story of Ralph and Edna.
« on: 16 February 2010, 16:59:40 »
I love it.
8010
General Discussion Area / Re: LITTLE RALPHY
« on: 16 February 2010, 09:46:54 »
Very very good 8-)
8-)