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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 285495 times)

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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1035 on: 14 January 2021, 20:17:07 »

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1036 on: 15 January 2021, 23:41:44 »

A Woman Sends a Text to Her Husband
“Honey, don't forget to buy BREAD when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you.”
Husband: Who is Valerie?
Wife: Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw my text.
Husband: But I’m with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?
Wife: What??! Where are you?
Husband: Near the bakery.
Wife: Wait, I’m coming right now!
After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:
Wife: I’m at the bakery, where are you?
Husband: I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery , buy the bread !
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1037 on: 16 January 2021, 00:00:45 »

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no "after life" at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear
me?
"Is that you, Frank?
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed.   
"That's wonderful! What's it like?
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the
warm sun andthen have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper,it's back to the golf course again. Then
it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.
"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."
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Raeturbo

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1038 on: 17 January 2021, 22:59:21 »

Just heard a Dr. on TV saying that during this period of isolation while staying at home we should focus on inner peace.

To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives.

I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how rather fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!
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Migv6 le Frog Fan

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1039 on: 18 January 2021, 06:49:43 »

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris ?


No-one knows. Its never been tried.  :D
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Nick W

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1040 on: 18 January 2021, 10:18:58 »

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris ?


No-one knows. Its never been tried.  :D


Oi ::)


And it's a repeat in this thread
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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1041 on: 24 January 2021, 08:46:36 »

Biden 'What's the White House WiFi password?'

Trump 'F*CK OFF ASSHOLE - all upper case'.
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Entwood

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1042 on: 01 February 2021, 10:53:24 »

Lifted from elsewhere .. but thought it amusing ....

The Haircut


A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and
get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been
studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

You're going to love the Dad's reply:

“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?” 
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Sir Tigger QC

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1043 on: 12 February 2021, 17:07:21 »

Two wives went out for a girls night out and got very drunk.
On the way home they needed a pee so nipped into the cemetery, but realised they didn't have anything to wipe with. One whipped off her knickers and used those and the other grabbed a wreath from a grave and used that.
Next day one of the husbands phones the other and said "No more nights out for those two, Sharon came back with no knickers on!"
The other replied "Agreed and that's nothing, Tracy came back with a card in her crack which said From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you!"
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dave the builder

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1044 on: 14 February 2021, 10:42:56 »

Breaking news !
French variant of Coronavirus eradicated after surrendering to the vaccine almost immediately  :)
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dave the builder

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1045 on: 14 February 2021, 22:40:00 »

Just joined a specialist dating site for fellow pyromaniacs
got offered a match straight away  :)
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BazaJT

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1046 on: 14 March 2021, 21:37:53 »

Got arrested for downloading all of wikipedia.I told them I could explain everything.
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Sir Tigger QC

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1047 on: 16 March 2021, 20:46:05 »

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

'I vish to buy sex wit you.'

'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'

'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'

'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'

She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'

'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'
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STEMO

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1048 on: 17 March 2021, 16:29:20 »

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

'I vish to buy sex wit you.'

'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'

'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'

'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'

She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'

'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'

 ;D ;D
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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1049 on: 26 March 2021, 08:37:26 »

If America changed to Kg from pounds, it would lead to mass confusion.
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