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[al brown]

You can always trust people who like big butts..... they cannot lie

[MR MISTER]

You can always trust people who like big butts..... they cannot lie

That took me a while.

[hercules]

a priest and a hindu are making toast when the priest says look at that there is an image of jesus in the margarine,the hindu looks and says I cant believe its not Buddha 

[Varche]

 

[Varche]

HOW TO PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyse the situation:

a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting
Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing c. If they have
messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in
Planning e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in
Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security g. If they have broken the
bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking
for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic
Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management

Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way
that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Government

[tidla]

Popped into the local pub for a pint. Good to see the bar staff doing their bit for charity this Movember i thought.

Then again the lasses look like that every month.

[AndyRoid]

Talk is that the government are thinking of lowering the age of consent to 15.

Poor f***ers won't even be able to smoke a cigarette afterwards.

[SteveAvfc.]

Dyslexics mourners have gather in South Africa outside Nissan Maindeelers 

[MR MISTER]

Dyslexics mourners have gather in South Africa outside Nissan Maindeelers 

Quite ironic that.

[SteveAvfc.]

Dyslexics mourners have gather in South Africa outside Nissan Maindeelers 

Quite ironic that.

Took a while Stemo before anyone noticed 

[Varche]

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in.

What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar?

[AndyRoid]

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started f***ing her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."
 
He said, "I'm not."

[Sir Tigger KC]

Santa's having a quiet day in the Grotto, when a young girl walks in.

"Ho ho ho! Hello little girl, now how old are you?"

"Oh I'm only 18 Santa" said the girl.

"Well come here, sit on Santa's face and show me what a naughty girl you are!!"

[Varche]

A banker,a daily mail reader and a Romanian find a packet of 12 doughnuts,the banker takes 11 and says to the Daily Mail reader,"He's after your doughnut"

[Varche]

An Arsenal fan, Liverpool fan, Man Utd fan and a Swansea fan all go to the pub for a drink together.

The Arsenal fan buys a round of drinks for all four of them, then the Liverpool fan buys a round. The Man Utd fan buys the next round, and finally it's the Swansea fan's round, but he comes back with only 3 drinks and puts them in front of the Arsenal and Liverpool fans, and himself.

The Man Utd fan asks, "Where's my drink?", to which the Swansea fan replies, "It's the 4th round, and you're not in it!"