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[Mr Skrunts]

Wondered how long the OOF had been going and found out it was 15 years ago in a few months time.

Also saw we have had 15505 join since the start.

Sadly a few members have passed away, one of them was willyboy whom I actually met with when I bought a set of wheels & tyres from him. (Smashing guy)

Long reign OOF 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I was in my early twenties when I signed up.

[Sir Tigger KC]

I was in my early twenties when I signed up.

I like the way you measure your life in dog years M'lud. 

[Mr Skrunts]

A week today I will have been here 13 years, is that a good thing or a bad one. 

[STEMO]

A week today I will have been here 13 years, is that a good thing or a bad one. 

24000 posts, that's 48000 tits we've had to look at.

[Rangie]

Think it was 2010 I first found the site after purchasing the 2.6, certainly gone very quickly.

[Mr Skrunts]

A week today I will have been here 13 years, is that a good thing or a bad one. 

24000 posts, that's 48000 tits we've had to look at.

Not once have I ever posted a bare one though.

[Sir Tigger KC]

A week today I will have been here 13 years, is that a good thing or a bad one. 

24000 posts, that's 48000 tits we've had to look at.

Not once have I ever posted a bare one though.

Spoilsport! 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

A week today I will have been here 13 years, is that a good thing or a bad one. 

24000 posts, that's 48000 tits we've had to look at.

Not once have I ever posted a bare one though.

A bare what?......

A bare girlie
A bare member
The bare member of  a member.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

I believe it was 2007 when I signed up the first time. Posted around 25000 posts 9mostly of shite) and was the member who had spent most time online.
Then I spat my dummy, for reasons long forgotten and took about a year off, before starting again.
On a dark desert highway. Cool wind in my hair............

[STEMO]

I believe it was 2007 when I signed up the first time. Posted around 25000 posts 9mostly of shite) and was the member who had spent most time online.
Then I spat my dummy, for reasons long forgotten and took about a year off, before starting again.
On a dark desert highway. Cool wind in my hair............

Just the once? Amateur 

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Ive lost count of the number of times you spat yours. 

Hokey Cokey Stemo. 

[Mr Skrunts]

Most Online Today: 207.
Most Online Ever: 1114 (20 January 2020, 19:08:44)

Wonder what you were all talking about

[Nick W]

I believe it was 2007 when I signed up the first time. Posted around 25000 posts 9mostly of shite) and was the member who had spent most time online.
Then I spat my dummy, for reasons long forgotten and took about a year off, before starting again.
On a dark desert highway. Cool wind in my hair............

At least you're not leering at the girl in a flatbed Ford. Although she's actually slowing down to laugh at him....

[Nick W]

Most Online Today: 207.
Most Online Ever: 1114 (20 January 2020, 19:08:44)

Wonder what you were all talking about

Trade club oil, and how it cures the world's ills

[GastronomicKleptomaniac]

Christ I've been here a long time.

[STEMO]

Most Online Today: 207.
Most Online Ever: 1114 (20 January 2020, 19:08:44)

Wonder what you were all talking about

Nosey bots, 1100, members, 14.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

I believe it was 2007 when I signed up the first time. Posted around 25000 posts 9mostly of shite) and was the member who had spent most time online.
Then I spat my dummy, for reasons long forgotten and took about a year off, before starting again.
On a dark desert highway. Cool wind in my hair............

At least you're not leering at the girl in a flatbed Ford. Although she's actually slowing down to laugh at him....

Because she,s a Witchy woman. 

[TheBoy]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

[Nick W]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

I don't recognise either of those Eagles songs?


Please advise

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

Would you like me to take the reins, TB.

I'd make an excellent administrator/moderator.

[TheBoy]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

Would you like me to take the reins, TB.

I'd make an excellent administrator/moderator.

Where's Loo-knee when you need him

[STEMO]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

Would you like me to take the reins, TB.

I'd make an excellent administrator/moderator.

If Darth Loo Knee can have a go.........

[STEMO]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

Would you like me to take the reins, TB.

I'd make an excellent administrator/moderator.

Where's Loo-knee when you need him

Beat me by 27 seconds.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

I well remember the night he was allowed to take the reins for a few hours. It was pandemonium - but hilarious. 
Must be almost 10 years ago ! 

[Mr Skrunts]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

Would you like me to take the reins, TB.

I'd make an excellent administrator/moderator.

Where's Loo-knee when you need him

I have wondered that for a while , but guessing not a good idea to ask.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Last I heard he had become a cage fighter. 

[Doctor Gollum]

Oh shit. Looks like I've been here longer than anyone.

Bugger.

Would you like me to take the reins, TB.

I'd make an excellent administrator/moderator.

Where's Loo-knee when you need him

Batflu has nothing on those few days of utter carnage

[TheBoy]

I well remember the night he was allowed to take the reins for a few hours. It was pandemonium - but hilarious. 
Must be almost 10 years ago ! 

And he banned me . Must have been one of only about half a dozen bannings I've received in the 15yrs.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

He banned me too for a few hours. 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

He banned me too for a few hours. 

I've never been banned from OOF because I am without blame.

Jag Info forum banned me though. Bunch of old women on the Jag forums who only have one response " take it to your local Jaguar dealer"

[TheBoy]

Jag Info forum banned me though. Bunch of old women on the Jag forums who only have one response " take it to your local Jaguar dealer"

I found that one to be more helpful that the others, which were far more interested is discussing how many hours it took them to do the weekly polish.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Jag Info forum banned me though. Bunch of old women on the Jag forums who only have one response " take it to your local Jaguar dealer"

I found that one to be more helpful that the others, which were far more interested is discussing how many hours it took them to do the weekly polish.

I drop into the less popular Jagchat from time to time. This is less PC and less up it's own arse so suits me better.

[TheBoy]

Jag Info forum banned me though. Bunch of old women on the Jag forums who only have one response " take it to your local Jaguar dealer"

I found that one to be more helpful that the others, which were far more interested is discussing how many hours it took them to do the weekly polish.

I drop into the less popular Jagchat from time to time. This is less PC and less up it's own arse so suits me better.

You want to get in other people's arse's?

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Jag Info forum banned me though. Bunch of old women on the Jag forums who only have one response " take it to your local Jaguar dealer"

I found that one to be more helpful that the others, which were far more interested is discussing how many hours it took them to do the weekly polish.

I drop into the less popular Jagchat from time to time. This is less PC and less up it's own arse so suits me better.

You want to get in other people's arse's?

Female arses only......and my arse is for 'exit only'

[TheBoy]

and my arse is for 'exit only'

My personal pile, Tim*, has been making his presence known of late, meaning the torpedos have to go up the jacksie.  Due to my arse's "exit only" policy, this usually ends up as a cartoon style ordeal. And when I do finally manage it, it fires it straight back out.


*Named after Tim Henman, as he too was a useless, unwanted pain in the arse.

[Kevin Wood]

[TheBoy]

Those who have suffered the indignity of a bad flare up of Farmers will know exactly what its like shoving the slippery torpedo tablets up there.

For those that haven't, they are like torpedo shaped bars of soap, that won't go in dry, and if you wet them or do it in the shower - to wash under your fingernails afterwards - they go so slippery you can't hold them, and the slip off in any direction other than my exquisitely tight ring...


Enjoy your breakfast.

[YZ250]

Those who have suffered the indignity of a bad flare up of Farmers will know exactly what its like shoving the slippery torpedo tablets up there.
.....

Chap I used to work with got his wife to do it for him. Have you asked Mrs TB for assistance, and pointed out that it's in the marriage vows, in sickness and health and all that.   

[Andy B]

Those who have suffered the indignity of a bad flare up of Farmers will know exactly what its like shoving the slippery torpedo tablets up there.

For those that haven't, they are like torpedo shaped bars of soap, that won't go in dry, and if you wet them or do it in the shower - to wash under your fingernails afterwards - they go so slippery you can't hold them, and the slip off in any direction other than my exquisitely tight ring...


Enjoy your breakfast.

Thank you for that Jamie! 
Fortunately I'd already eaten 

[dave the builder]

No wonder Jamie has problems with "Tim"  if he's sticking torpedo size items up his exhaust port 

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

He needs to embrace it and learn to enjoy it. 

[TheBoy]

Well, I did partake in a chicken madras last night, and its fair to say, judging by the amount of blood, Tim ain't happy this morning.

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

I have one, but all it does is get extremely itchy at the most inopportune moments. 
Maybe you need to assemble a Stanley knife, a soldering iron, and a mirror and perform a bit of DIY surgery.
How hard can it be ? 

[STEMO]

Well, I did partake in a chicken madras last night, and its fair to say, judging by the amount of blood, Tim ain't happy this morning.

You can get them 'seen to' once and for all in hospital. Our kid had a particularly bad reaction to a bottle of egg flip, all that was left at the end of the night of heavy drinking. Found himself shitting and spewing at the same time in the middle of the night. Apart from the obvious, i.e. the bathroom looking like a slaughterhouse, he also brought forth a most impressive bunch of grapes. After the operation I went and picked him up. In those days we didn't own a car, and the sight of him trying to sit sideways and the 'oohs and ahhhs' when the bus went over a bump was quite funny....for me. 

[Rangie]

My best mate had a problem with his when he was abroad on holiday so he was not allowed to fly back as scheduled allegedly, when he returned to work two weeks late we asked why he couldn't fly, he said that in simple terms the change in air pressure could cause his arse to explode ! Whether this was true or not I have no idea but it had us in stitches.

[STEMO]

I have one, but all it does is get extremely itchy at the most inopportune moments. 
Maybe you need to assemble a Stanley knife, a soldering iron, and a mirror and perform a bit of DIY surgery.
How hard can it be ? 

The four phases of mine are normal, swelled up, pop, itchy. 
I was glad when they put the anusol out on the shelves instead of only behind the counter in Asda. Then I discovered the bazaar that is amazon.

[TheBoy]

cause his arse to explode

My post madras potty visit this morning was like a volcanic eruption, spewing shit and blood all over the porcelain.

Cleaning that up will keep her busy for ages

[STEMO]

cause his arse to explode

My post madras potty visit this morning was like a volcanic eruption, spewing shit and blood all over the porcelain.

Cleaning that up will keep her busy for ages

You are a most uncouth human being 

[TheBoy]

anusol

I bleieve that is one of the torpedo brands available, so you know what I mean when I said they were slippery ficcers when wet

[Doctor Gollum]

Stop clenching and take it like a man

[TheBoy]

cause his arse to explode

My post madras potty visit this morning was like a volcanic eruption, spewing shit and blood all over the porcelain.

Cleaning that up will keep her busy for ages

You are a most uncouth human being 

I'm having visions of her having to just her thumbnail to scrap it off.

Lord Opti would be so proud of me.

[STEMO]

anusol

I bleieve that is one of the torpedo brands available, so you know what I mean when I said they were slippery ficcers when wet

Ointment with the looooong tube for me. Apparently it can be addictive. 

[STEMO]

Talking of equality, where are all the women telling us about their anal squatters? 

[Doctor Gollum]

Having a flounce after yesterday.

[tigers_gonads]

I well remember the night he was allowed to take the reins for a few hours. It was pandemonium - but hilarious. 
Must be almost 10 years ago ! 

Remember it well 
Out of interest, did his crock's ever make it back to stoke ?   

[TheBoy]

Out of interest, did his crock's ever make it back to stoke ?   

No idea, but they went to more places than he ever will

[ronnyd]

I have one, but all it does is get extremely itchy at the most inopportune moments. 
Maybe you need to assemble a Stanley knife, a soldering iron, and a mirror and perform a bit of DIY surgery.
How hard can it be ? 

The four phases of mine are normal, swelled up, pop, itchy. 
I was glad when they put the anusol out on the shelves instead of only behind the counter in Asda. Then I discovered the bazaar that is amazon.

My old GP, now retired sadly  , told me that the "over the counter" stuff was quite ineffective. He prescribed Ultraproct bombs and ointment. Worked far better for me. 

[tigers_gonads]

Out of interest, did his crock's ever make it back to stoke ?   

No idea, but they went to more places than he ever will

 

[STEMO]

I have one, but all it does is get extremely itchy at the most inopportune moments. 
Maybe you need to assemble a Stanley knife, a soldering iron, and a mirror and perform a bit of DIY surgery.
How hard can it be ? 

The four phases of mine are normal, swelled up, pop, itchy. 
I was glad when they put the anusol out on the shelves instead of only behind the counter in Asda. Then I discovered the bazaar that is amazon.

My old GP, now retired sadly  , told me that the "over the counter" stuff was quite ineffective. He prescribed Ultraproct bombs and ointment. Worked far better for me. 

If I wanted something from my GP I'd have to explain to the receptionist why I needed to speak to him. I could either go the sensitive route "I need something for my haemorrhoids", or the full on "Massive bunch of grapes hanging out my rectum". 

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

Stop clenching and take it like a man

Frankie says RELAX. 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

cause his arse to explode

My post madras potty visit this morning was like a volcanic eruption, spewing shit and blood all over the porcelain.

Cleaning that up will keep her busy for ages

If she loves you she'll be happy to do it....

[ronnyd]

I have one, but all it does is get extremely itchy at the most inopportune moments. 
Maybe you need to assemble a Stanley knife, a soldering iron, and a mirror and perform a bit of DIY surgery.
How hard can it be ? 

The four phases of mine are normal, swelled up, pop, itchy. 
I was glad when they put the anusol out on the shelves instead of only behind the counter in Asda. Then I discovered the bazaar that is amazon.

My old GP, now retired sadly  , told me that the "over the counter" stuff was quite ineffective. He prescribed Ultraproct bombs and ointment. Worked far better for me. 

If I wanted something from my GP I'd have to explain to the receptionist why I needed to speak to him. I could either go the sensitive route "I need something for my haemorrhoids", or the full on "Massive bunch of grapes hanging out my rectum". 

Just say it,... Arse.