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[wakeyomega]

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.
Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I Only have
18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"
Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please?
Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.

"Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny. .
. . but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."

[Nickbat]

Bunny Story...
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do
you have any widdle wabbits?" The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets
down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fluffy bwack wabbit, or
one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"  The little girl
blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and whispers ... " I don't weally fink my pet Pyfon gives a
phuk"

[Nickbat]

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."


"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."  Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."


"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Grandpa. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge."

[iggy21uk]

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This ! natu ral selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Latest news: Yesterday a Omega herd of buffalo seen leaving a place near Wales !!!!!!  

[Baron Von Spongebob]

 A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender,
 buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me
 the bill."
 
 So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for
 £57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
 
 The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out
 into the street.
 
 The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again
 says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself
 one, and give me the bill."
 
 The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he
 can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so
 he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for
 the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill
 for £67.00.
 
 The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
 
 The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the
 living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
 
 The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says,
 "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill.
 In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"
 
 The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you
 drink."

[Golfbuddy]

And the winner is .............

Spongebob by technical knockout.  

[Baron Von Spongebob]

A man walked into a bar. The barman said, "You've got a steering wheel sticking out of your fly." "I know," said the man, "it's driving me nuts."

You will be pleased to know thats my last one..

[Guppy]

old boy of 90 goes to docs for a sperm count, doc gives him a jar & says come back tomorrow, old boy takes it home & tries his hardest, first his left hand then his right hand, then both hands still no luck asks wife to help, she tries left hand then right hand still no joy then she tries both hands then she tries with her mouth teeth & teeth out & nothing. Next they try Mavis the next door neighbour & she tries left hand, right hand, she tries with her mouth teeth in & out. Old boy goes back to docs next day & doc says how did you get on. He tells doc the story & gives her the jar & she says what happened old boy says....
























we couldn't get the lid off