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[STEMO]

If he wants to warm his bottom in the new beemer, he'd better be prepared to cough up 

https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/cars/article-11674535/Dacias-free-hot-water-bottle-offer-dig-BMWs-15-month-heated-seats.html

[Doctor Gollum]

Well that's taken long enough to come up with

[Raeturbo]

Wow the temperature of your arse needs to be controlled by the Jerrys now then?🔥

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

It does have heated but not cooled seats...I think. ......F*uck £15 a month.



I'm driving there today to see why they haven't got their finger out and built it yet.

Being assembled in Mexico where they sleep all day long when not running for the US southern border.

[Doctor Gollum]

Perhaps they've all left

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Perhaps they've all left

Tumbleweed blowing through the factory as I type.

[YZ250]

It does have heated but not cooled seats...I think. ......F*uck £15 a month.

I'm driving there today to see why they haven't got their finger out and built it yet.

Ask them for a refund, and mean it, for failing to fulfil a contract, and see if that speeds them up.    Tell them the mere mortals on a works car scheme are getting their car like yours much quicker than your delivery date. Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern.    And, tell them to stick their lane discipline function up their arse as it sees shiny tarmac repairs on the road as a white line and steers to correct your position ……. when their is nothing wrong with your road positioning.   
Keep the heated seats though, and the pre-heat timers that allows you to set timers to defrost the vehicle before you need to use it, from your bmw phone app. 
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained. Just wondering, will DFS start charging me a monthly subscription for using the electric recliners on my furniture. 

[STEMO]

It does have heated but not cooled seats...I think. ......F*uck £15 a month.

I'm driving there today to see why they haven't got their finger out and built it yet.

Ask them for a refund, and mean it, for failing to fulfil a contract, and see if that speeds them up.    Tell them the mere mortals on a works car scheme are getting their car like yours much quicker than your delivery date. Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern.    And, tell them to stick their lane discipline function up their arse as it sees shiny tarmac repairs on the road as a white line and steers to correct your position ……. when their is nothing wrong with your road positioning.   
Keep the heated seats though, and the pre-heat timers that allows you to set timers to defrost the vehicle before you need to use it, from your bmw phone app. 
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained. Just wondering, will DFS start charging me a monthly subscription for using the electric recliners on my furniture.

They already did   

A £50 monthly payment to DFS is £30 for your sofa, £10 for the loan company and £10 for being a knob 

[YZ250]

It does have heated but not cooled seats...I think. ......F*uck £15 a month.

I'm driving there today to see why they haven't got their finger out and built it yet.

Ask them for a refund, and mean it, for failing to fulfil a contract, and see if that speeds them up.    Tell them the mere mortals on a works car scheme are getting their car like yours much quicker than your delivery date. Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern.    And, tell them to stick their lane discipline function up their arse as it sees shiny tarmac repairs on the road as a white line and steers to correct your position ……. when their is nothing wrong with your road positioning.   
Keep the heated seats though, and the pre-heat timers that allows you to set timers to defrost the vehicle before you need to use it, from your bmw phone app. 
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained. Just wondering, will DFS start charging me a monthly subscription for using the electric recliners on my furniture.

They already did   

I was very lucky with my timing, DFS had a sale on at the time.   

[STEMO]

I give oak furniture land £87 a month, so I'm paying £17.40 for being a knob 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Well...best I can get is a build slot somewhere in the May - July region... Delivery a few months later.

He did say there may possibly be one or two cancelled orders due the the APR rising considerably on PCP deals since customers left their deposit. Not a problem for me even if it hits 20%.

He reckons about 12 orders for the latest 2023 G42 M240i, of which only one has been delivered. I'm number 3 or 4 with a deposit left in May 2022.

[STEMO]

Well...best I can get is a build slot somewhere in the May - July region... Delivery a few months later.

He did say there may possibly be one or two cancelled orders due the the APR rising considerably on PCP deals since customers left their deposit. Not a problem for me even if it hits 20%.

He reckons about 12 orders for the latest 2023 G42 M240i, of which only one has been delivered. I'm number 3 or 4 with a deposit left in May 2022.

Look on the bright side. If delivery had been within a couple of weeks, you'd now bei driving around in a giant bell end 

[STEMO]

Your registration plate is ready, sir

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

It's a humble 2 series. Not even a proper 'M' car.....oh the shame.

I'll probably need to wear a paper bag when driving it.

Following the mighty Signum anything else is less.

 

[STEMO]

I was talking about the colour you originally ordered.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I was talking about the colour you originally ordered.

Bender purple you mean?

[STEMO]

I was talking about the colour you originally ordered.

Bender purple you mean?

No, bellend purple.

[VXL V6]

It does have heated but not cooled seats...I think. ......F*uck £15 a month.

If it's like my 10 year old 5 Series, you need to have the Comfort Seats with the cooling option...... Fortunately someone else forked out for it on my car when it was built and its too old for the current subscription bull.

The article is a bit misleading to be fair, How many manufacturers do you know who will upgrade your Sat Nav Maps for free after 12 months / 3 years or whatever warranty you have these days?
 

[VXL V6]

Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern. 

Have adaptive and high beam assist on mine (but it's an older car with a previous generation High Beam Assist). To be honest I never use it, it dips too late for my liking which obviously pisses off any normal oncoming driver. The best adaptive headlights i've used are on our V70.

.....
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained.

Yep, Bimmercode app and a bluetooth OBDII will do that with the minimum of fuss, easy to re-apply after car has been in for a service and BMW decide to deactivate anything. If you want to get into BMW coding then an Enet cable and ISTA is the way to go with a cheap used laptop.

Ultimately, whatever the manufacturers configure on their cars, the aftermarket coders will soon catch up and from what i've seen, the vast majority of modern vehicles have next to no security on most of their modules.

[YZ250]

Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern. 

Have adaptive and high beam assist on mine (but it's an older car with a previous generation High Beam Assist). To be honest I never use it, it dips too late for my liking which obviously pisses off any normal oncoming driver. The best adaptive headlights i've used are on our V70.

.....
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained.

Yep, Bimmercode app and a bluetooth OBDII will do that with the minimum of fuss, easy to re-apply after car has been in for a service and BMW decide to deactivate anything. If you want to get into BMW coding then an Enet cable and ISTA is the way to go with a cheap used laptop.

Ultimately, whatever the manufacturers configure on their cars, the aftermarket coders will soon catch up and from what i've seen, the vast majority of modern vehicles have next to no security on most of their modules.

I did a few mods with Carly and my mobile.    Some of the mods had already been turned into shortcuts so you just had to tick a box to activate but others required adapting the ‘Long Coding’ to activate. I quite enjoyed the long coding but if I was tampering with that I’d always make a note or take a photo of the original code just in case something went wrong. I think long coding was required to activate adaptive brake lights, where the brake lights flicker on and off in quick succession when you are braking hard from speed, to let the car behind know that you’re hard on the anchors. Trouble is, a lot of people aren’t aware of adaptive brake lights, and aren’t aware of what they signify.   

[STEMO]

Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern. 

Have adaptive and high beam assist on mine (but it's an older car with a previous generation High Beam Assist). To be honest I never use it, it dips too late for my liking which obviously pisses off any normal oncoming driver. The best adaptive headlights i've used are on our V70.

.....
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained.

Yep, Bimmercode app and a bluetooth OBDII will do that with the minimum of fuss, easy to re-apply after car has been in for a service and BMW decide to deactivate anything. If you want to get into BMW coding then an Enet cable and ISTA is the way to go with a cheap used laptop.

Ultimately, whatever the manufacturers configure on their cars, the aftermarket coders will soon catch up and from what i've seen, the vast majority of modern vehicles have next to no security on most of their modules.

I did a few mods with Carly and my mobile.    Some of the mods had already been turned into shortcuts so you just had to tick a box to activate but others required adapting the ‘Long Coding’ to activate. I quite enjoyed the long coding but if I was tampering with that I’d always make a note or take a photo of the original code just in case something went wrong. I think long coding was required to activate adaptive brake lights, where the brake lights flicker on and off in quick succession when you are braking hard from speed, to let the car behind know that you’re hard on the anchors. Trouble is, a lot of people aren’t aware of adaptive brake lights, and aren’t aware of what they signify. 

Some cars in the seventies had adaptive brake lights. Or a loose wire, or something 

[Doctor Gollum]

I thought adaptive brake lights were standard on ESP equipped cars

[VXL V6]

Oh, and tell them that they can stick their auto full beam up their arse as it dips the lights when they reflect off of a road sign, with no other car within miles. Although adaptive headlights are good because they move the beam pattern. 

Have adaptive and high beam assist on mine (but it's an older car with a previous generation High Beam Assist). To be honest I never use it, it dips too late for my liking which obviously pisses off any normal oncoming driver. The best adaptive headlights i've used are on our V70.

.....
When you eventually get it, if bmw are tight enough to piss people off, turn off the wi-fi and re-code the chargeable items to activate. An Indie has access to the same software that bmw use, so service history can be maintained.

Yep, Bimmercode app and a bluetooth OBDII will do that with the minimum of fuss, easy to re-apply after car has been in for a service and BMW decide to deactivate anything. If you want to get into BMW coding then an Enet cable and ISTA is the way to go with a cheap used laptop.

Ultimately, whatever the manufacturers configure on their cars, the aftermarket coders will soon catch up and from what i've seen, the vast majority of modern vehicles have next to no security on most of their modules.

I did a few mods with Carly and my mobile.    Some of the mods had already been turned into shortcuts so you just had to tick a box to activate but others required adapting the ‘Long Coding’ to activate. I quite enjoyed the long coding but if I was tampering with that I’d always make a note or take a photo of the original code just in case something went wrong. I think long coding was required to activate adaptive brake lights, where the brake lights flicker on and off in quick succession when you are braking hard from speed, to let the car behind know that you’re hard on the anchors. Trouble is, a lot of people aren’t aware of adaptive brake lights, and aren’t aware of what they signify. 

I coded the tail lights to be on with the front DRL's (ECE code) as it's always seemed a stupid idea not to have them on to me, coded the headunit / iDrive to turn off after the ignition was turned off and the drivers door was opened (why would you want it to stay on until you lock the car???) and also set the indicators appear in the HUD.

[YZ250]

I thought adaptive brake lights were standard on ESP equipped cars

They may well be now. 

[Doctor Gollum]

The Alabama Mumsybus certainly has them, and I have a feeling that The Barge had them too. Works better in principle with LEDs so that may be the deciding factor