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Topics - scimmy_man

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General Discussion Area / ok so I won the £165 million
« on: 04 October 2019, 17:16:47 »
I wish.

apart from a bespoke omega  ::)

what else are you buying?
this is high on the list, always liked the original but practicalities mean where could you use it?

General Discussion Area / form an orderly queue
« on: 07 May 2019, 20:33:26 »
The Brexit Party is now advertising for General Election candidates. Apply now:

General Discussion Area / Freedom
« on: 15 July 2014, 09:50:51 »
The Queen was visiting Scotland and Alex Salmond called by.

HM:  How nice to see you Mr Salmond.

AS:  Nice to see you Maíam. Now, what are we going to call Scotland when we win Independence? How about calling it a Kingdom, and then Iíll be a King?

HM:  No, we donít like that.

AS: Alright, so how about calling it a Principality, and then Iíll be a Prince?

HM: .... (thinks).... No Mr Salmond, I think we should call it a Country.

General Discussion Area / Rolling tax exemption!
« on: 19 March 2014, 19:07:00 »

Reading the budget 2014 Treasury document page 76 para 2.152 the govt will introduce rolling 40 year tax exemption from 1 April 2014 this the news we have been waiting for..

General Discussion Area / Halloween
« on: 31 October 2013, 20:39:50 »
Apparently the Jehovah's don't do Halloween.

Ironic they don't appreciate a 'festival' which involves turning up on people's doorstep uninvited..

General Discussion Area / Elf and safety
« on: 06 December 2012, 09:21:37 »
All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last years well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

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