SAS soldier goes to the palace to receive his MBE from the Queen. As he waits for the ceremony, he is told that the Queen may talk to him as she pins the medal on, or she may not. It depends on the Queen and it’s nothing personal.
He is standing first in a row of people, and is deeply disappointed when the Queen pins on his medal, says nothing and moves down the line.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees in the middle of the line, a yokel, dressed in a straw hat, an old coat held closed with rope, battered trousers, and wellies. The Queen speaks to nobody until she comes to the yokel. She leans forward and says something to him.
The SAS man is enraged at this, and wants to know what the Queen has said to the yokel. Why was he so special ? So with his specialized training, after the Queen moves off down the line, he scrags the yokel, drags him behind a curtain, rips off his hat and coat, puts them on, and waits at the far end of the line.
Finally the Queen comes up to him, leans forward and says “Heven’t eih told you to piss orf once already ?”.