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[Doctor Gollum]

I insist that even my hearse is powered by petrol.

One of the local undertakers still has a Montego hearse that would be ideal for you

Don't think my wife would be willing to spend enough money to see me in the back of a Montego.

More likely to be a cardboard coffin and a large hole in the back garden.

Job done....thirty quid.

I'll be past caring.

Just have her prop you up in the loft...

[Sir Tigger KC]

I insist that even my hearse is powered by petrol.

One of the local undertakers still has a Montego hearse that would be ideal for you

Don't think my wife would be willing to spend enough money to see me in the back of a Montego.

More likely to be a cardboard coffin and a large hole in the back garden.

Job done....thirty quid.

I'll be past caring.

Sounds like Mrs Opti has plans for you M'Lud. 

One false move!   

[BazaJT]

£166.9p for E10 and £179.9p for diesel round here today.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I insist that even my hearse is powered by petrol.

One of the local undertakers still has a Montego hearse that would be ideal for you

Don't think my wife would be willing to spend enough money to see me in the back of a Montego.

More likely to be a cardboard coffin and a large hole in the back garden.

Job done....thirty quid.

I'll be past caring.

Sounds like Mrs Opti has plans for you M'Lud. 

One false move!   

There is something of the bunny boiler about her......

She would fit well into a 'Killer women' documentary on Channel 5.

[Sir Tigger KC]

I insist that even my hearse is powered by petrol.

One of the local undertakers still has a Montego hearse that would be ideal for you

Don't think my wife would be willing to spend enough money to see me in the back of a Montego.

More likely to be a cardboard coffin and a large hole in the back garden.

Job done....thirty quid.

I'll be past caring.

Sounds like Mrs Opti has plans for you M'Lud. 

One false move!   

There is something of the bunny boiler about her......

She would fit well into a 'Killer women' documentary on Channel 5.

Such women are usually very passionate so you're a lucky man! 

Watch your back though. 

She might have been practicing so far with the flying laptops! 

[Nick W]

Such women are usually very passionate so you're a lucky man! 

Watch your back though. 

She might have been practicing so far with the flying laptops! 

Might?




Ring ring:


What service please?


Ambulance. It's my husband, he dropped his laptop at the top of the stairs, slipped on it and went down them headfirst


Sometime later the coroner rules it as accidental death, and:


So Mrs Opti, how would you like the funeral to go?


Oh just stuff the old git in a cardboard box and slip it into the crematorium at the cheapest time. I'll be in the Caribbean celebrating grieving.

[Sir Tigger KC]

A quick glance at his sister in law's boobs and he's a dead man! 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I insist that even my hearse is powered by petrol.

One of the local undertakers still has a Montego hearse that would be ideal for you

Don't think my wife would be willing to spend enough money to see me in the back of a Montego.

More likely to be a cardboard coffin and a large hole in the back garden.

Job done....thirty quid.

I'll be past caring.

Sounds like Mrs Opti has plans for you M'Lud. 

One false move!   

There is something of the bunny boiler about her......

She would fit well into a 'Killer women' documentary on Channel 5.

Such women are usually very passionate so you're a lucky man! 

Watch your back though. 

She might have been practicing so far with the flying laptops! 

She is.....but I always make sure her hands are tied rather than mine. 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

A quick glance at his sister in law's boobs and he's a dead man! 

Ripe, firm, warm, and womanly.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Such women are usually very passionate so you're a lucky man! 

Watch your back though. 

She might have been practicing so far with the flying laptops! 

Might?




Ring ring:


What service please?


Ambulance. It's my husband, he dropped his laptop at the top of the stairs, slipped on it and went down them headfirst


Sometime later the coroner rules it as accidental death, and:


So Mrs Opti, how would you like the funeral to go?


Oh just stuff the old git in a cardboard box and slip it into the crematorium at the cheapest time. I'll be in the Caribbean celebrating grieving.

Sounds spot on.

[Sir Tigger KC]

A quick glance at his sister in law's boobs and he's a dead man! 

Ripe, firm, warm, and womanly.

How do you know this? 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

A quick glance at his sister in law's boobs and he's a dead man! 

Ripe, firm, warm, and womanly.

How do you know this? 

The question you should be asking is how do you know they are warm to the touch?

As for the 'firm bit'.......when a woman likes going  braless it is easy to tell.

I presume you have women in Darzett.

[Sir Tigger KC]

A quick glance at his sister in law's boobs and he's a dead man! 

Ripe, firm, warm, and womanly.

How do you know this? 

The question you should be asking is how do you know they are warm to the touch?

As for the 'firm bit'.......when a woman likes going  braless it is easy to tell.

I presume you have women in Darzett.

I assumed that she was alive and kicking when you copped a feel!