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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 477482 times)

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Doctor Gollum

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1110 on: 30 October 2022, 01:20:56 »

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Migv6 le Frog Fan

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1111 on: 08 November 2022, 21:16:51 »

Boy George is currently in the Australian jungle as a contestant on Im a celebrity.
It was reported this morning that he has been bitten by an aggressive reptile.
They should have found a calmer chameleon, but apparently they come and go,

I,ll get my coat.  :D
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ronnyd

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1112 on: 09 November 2022, 18:09:29 »

Thought that when you said aggressive reptile that you meant Matt Hancock.
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1113 on: 15 November 2022, 20:25:02 »

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.










I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body....or the fact I knew where he lived
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1114 on: 21 November 2022, 08:36:33 »

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1115 on: 22 November 2022, 08:34:36 »


Vegans: Why not buy a Tesla so you have two things to tell people about when you meet them.
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1116 on: 19 December 2022, 18:41:02 »

My car wouldn't start this morning.
I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine block.
He said: "Good day to you Sir! And might I remark how splendid you look today?"
I knew the problem straight away.






Bat flattery
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Sir Tigger KC

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1117 on: 04 January 2023, 18:33:30 »

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " Our patrol helicopter clocked you at 80 mph. sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
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Raeturbo

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1118 on: 04 January 2023, 19:41:56 »

🤣🤣🤣
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JasonH

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1119 on: 09 January 2023, 08:30:26 »

So I was in the gym earlier working away and discovered a hole in my trainer big enough to wiggle my finger in. Anyway, she's complained and I've now been barred....
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Jimbob

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1120 on: 09 January 2023, 13:05:10 »

So I was in the gym earlier working away and discovered a hole in my trainer big enough to wiggle my finger in. Anyway, she's complained and I've now been barred....

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

ronnyd

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1121 on: 10 January 2023, 20:41:34 »

So I was in the gym earlier working away and discovered a hole in my trainer big enough to wiggle my finger in. Anyway, she's complained and I've now been barred....
Nothing worse than getting moisture from a hole in your trainer.  :-[
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Sir Tigger KC

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1122 on: 11 January 2023, 23:30:51 »

I was having a crap in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said "Can I see your ticket please?"

"Not right now, I'm having a crap" I replied.

He said, "I don't believe you! Can you pass it under the door?"

"No problem" I said sliding it under "The yellow bits are sweetcorn!"

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dave the builder

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1123 on: 04 February 2023, 11:26:34 »

A Somali arrives in England as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani". The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!". The person says "I no English, I flom Hong Kong". The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful England!" That person says "I am from Iran, I am not English". He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a English citizen?". She says, "No, I am from Romania!"So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the English?"The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says "Probably at work".


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Raeturbo

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #1124 on: 04 February 2023, 16:01:22 »

Unfortunately that sounds so fkg true🤬
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