About a month before he died, my grandfather smothered his back with lard. After that he went downhill really fast.
Studies show that women who are overweight live longer than the men who point it out to them.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
It has been reported that Google is planning to pull out of Israel due to problems with the net and Yahoo.
A dad is washing his car with his son. The son says: ‘Dad, can’t you use a sponge?’
I was going to write a song about a pub crawl, but I couldn't get past the first few bars ......
One day, in Bible land, long after the great flood waters had died down, God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old mucker, I want you to
make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want, after all - you're the boss... " But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other". "20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK oh Supreme One, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?" "Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers. "Fish?", queries Noah.... God replies; "Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Koi carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Koi Carp!" Noah looks to the skies. "OK... God my old mate, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?" .... Yep...".... "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"........ "Correctamundo"......... "And you want it full of Carp?"........... "Check" .......... "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly getting increasingly worried about either the sanity of God or his own hearing....... "Dunno", says God..................... "I just fancied a Multi-Story Carp Ark".
It's Ok ... I'll fetch me coat .......