Not jokes as such but spoof dialogues pinched from another forum re Brexit. One for each camp in the interests of balance.
Here is first one
Remainers (left holding the Brexit baby after the Leavers… left) “WTF?”
Leavers “We voted Brexit, now You Remainers need to implement it”
Remainers “But it’s not possible!”
Leavers “The People Have Spoken. Therefore it is possible. You just have to think positively.”
Remainers “And do what exactly?”
Leavers “Come up with a Plan that will leave us all better off outside the EU than in it”
Remainers “But it’s not possible!”
Leavers “Quit with the negative vibes. The People Have Spoken.”
Remainers “But even you don’t know how!”
Leavers “That’s your problem, we’ve done our bit and voted, we’re going to sit here and eat popcorn and watch as you do it.”
Remainers “Shouldn’t you do it?”
Leavers “It’s not up to us to work out the detail, it’s up to you experts.”
Remainers “I thought you’d had enough of experts”
Leavers “Remain experts.”
Remainers “There are no Leave experts”
Leavers “Then you’ll have to do it then. Oh, and by the way, no dragging your feet or complaining about it, because if you do a deal we don’t want, we’ll eat you alive.”
Remainers “But you don’t know what you want!”
Leavers “We want massive economic growth, no migration, free trade with the EU and every other country, on our terms, the revival of British industry, re-open the coal mines, tea and vicars on every village green, some bunting, and maybe restoration of the empire.”
Remainers “You’re delusional.”
Leavers “We’re a delusional majority. DEMOCRACY! So do the thing that isn’t possible, very quickly, and give all Leavers what they want, even though they don’t know what they want, and ignore the 16 million other voters who disagree. They’re tight trouser latte-sipping hipsters who whine all the time, who cares.”
And then
UK Negotiation Team: Good Morning Angie, Francois, and the rest of you, glad you excluded those nasty EU presidents from the negotiations. We give you notice Under article 50, that we no longer wish to be part of the EU.
EU Team: Good Morning Mdme May, and I suppose you are here to negotiate access to free trade, and no freedom of movement.
UK Negotiation Team: No, we don't want anything, we have free trade deals lined up with the USA, Canada, China, and most of the rest of the world, which will be signed tomorrow.
Eu Team: We will not let you go, you have to wait 2 years
UK team. No we don't, as we speak Parliament is repealing The European community act.
Eu Team: Oh, so you don't want anything?
UK Team Not at the moment thanks, however is there anything you want?
Eu Team, Um well Germany, France & Spain would like to sell you some BMWs Wine Cheese and tomatoes
UK team Not a problem as long as you pay the tariffs.
Eu team That would cause us lots of problems and you know we have elections this year, if our people start losing their jobs, we will lose ours.
UK team Sorry about that, but we have sorted out all our exports to non EU countries, so it will be a nice little earner for us.
Eu team silence, ....more silence, what about your Financial services, and your Universities, and you Top notch research facilities, and your Superior Intelligence services?
UK team You want access? OK perhaps we'll give you that if you fund their development
Eu team, that seems reasonable, all agreed, OK we will do that, does that come with free trade?
UK team, You have a deal, Merci, Gracias Danke, just sign here.