Omega Owners Forum

Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Terbs on 18 April 2013, 16:02:28

Title: Wife on offer...
Post by: Terbs on 18 April 2013, 16:02:28
Wife for sale....44 years experience, good cook, technical disaster. Buyer collects :y

We are decorating, and as we are semi open plan, the dining room, lounge and staircase come as one. I finished emulsioning the lounge a couple of hours ago, and am now on ladder work up the staircase. Wifey shouts up, "Can I put the furniture back"......"Yes, but mind the walls."
Fifteen minutes later, voice bellows up the stairs..."TONY....the new electric fire isn't working"
Blast.....starts down the ladder >:(.....then as an afterthought...."Have you plugged it in"
"Errrr....no"

Not a lot else to be said really !!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: ozzycat on 18 April 2013, 16:05:01
i know the feeling  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ouch
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: doz on 18 April 2013, 16:05:58
My wife comes in and says "the electric fence has stopped working and the horse got out you need to fix it" Me "have you turned the switch on?" "Oh that would help" says wife.
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Field Marshal Dr. Opti on 18 April 2013, 16:06:47
Women, bless them. We love them but they should never be given any complicated tasks. :-* :-*
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: cam2502 on 18 April 2013, 16:12:05
I was watching the remake of King Kong couple of weeks back.... In she strolls, glances at the telly and says..." oh is that Hong Kong ?"
I give up
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: omega3000 on 18 April 2013, 16:17:53
(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc41/milleblack/women-are-stupid_zps500f6052.jpg)

 ;D ;D :-X
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Field Marshal Dr. Opti on 18 April 2013, 16:26:38
Sense of direction neuron is too large, Mr EMD. :)
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Terbs on 18 April 2013, 16:57:36
Sense of direction neuron is too large, Mr EMD. :)

I second that :y
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: cleggy on 18 April 2013, 17:04:05
Tony, put Chris in with your mum for a couple on nights ::) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 18 April 2013, 17:51:59
we live near a shopping centre and they are building right across the road from iot now as we drive past the other day wifey says thats going to be the new park and ride to the shopping centre :o :o

but dear why would they build a park and ride right oppersite the shopping centre :)

becuase its closer :D

but dear i thought the whole obeject of a park and ride is to reduce the traffic and stop the congestion around here ;)

yes i know that ffs you talk to me like i am bloody stupid >:(

couple of mins later oh yes is a bit close :-*

yes dear they would only need to build a bridge across the road and they would not have to buy any coaches ::)

Doggy did not say a word :-X well he wouldnt hes a dog ffs do you think we are both stupid :D :y
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: SIR Philbutt on 18 April 2013, 19:06:41
Tooo tooo many to tell you all about with swmbo and three girls women in this house had many a good laugh at them

but for example last night -

youngest (21) applying for a job and needs to know how tall she is
Swmbo stands her against the door, puts finger where top of head is
then tries to hold tape measure where finger is and extend tape to floor
struggles and struggles while daughter is stood watching - eventually gets her to read the tape 71 inches
Goes to enter onto computer - muuuuuum ! it has to be in meter's
so the do it all again  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I have told them that in future if they are doing anything more complicated than folding a piece of paper to let me know so I can get the camera out. Make a fortune on YBF and YouTube

may I add that not all of the female gender are the same especially if they like miggy's  ;)
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: bigegg on 18 April 2013, 19:15:59

may I add that not all of the female gender are the same especially if they like miggy's  ;)

coward  ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: dazzerM on 18 April 2013, 19:19:06
I would offer mine up but with scrap values being where they are not worth it  ;D ;D ;D

I hope she never reads that, I am such a coward  :D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: SIR Philbutt on 18 April 2013, 19:22:09

may I add that not all of the female gender are the same especially if they like miggy's  ;)

coward  ;D

no i'm wise  ;)
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Terbs on 18 April 2013, 19:28:43
What are you all....men or mice ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Chris's favourite statement when out driving is...."Oh, I could have got out then".  Cautious does not come into it ;D
Got so bad, when the kid's lived here, we would go out for a ride with Chris driving, get to a certain junction, and if the road was clear Chris would proceed.........then one of the kid's would pipe up......"Blimey mum, you took a chance there. There was a car at Penn Pond"  (about a mile away) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 18 April 2013, 19:41:00
wifey used to be like that until i kept saying its like driving miss daisey, now she scares the shite out of me :o :o if stemo was sitting in the passanger seat it would be brown even up the back rest...now i know why there is grab handles above the doors ;)
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Terbs on 18 April 2013, 19:46:59
wifey used to be like that until i kept saying its like driving miss daisey, now she scares the shite out of me :o :o if stemo was sitting in the passanger seat it would be brown even up the back rest...now i know why there is grab handles above the doors ;)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: ozzycat on 19 April 2013, 00:38:09
i know the feeling  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ouch
just got back from casualty to remove lap top from my a**e  :D :D :D
[ must remember to keep coments to my self or when shes gone to bed]  :o :o :o :o :o :o
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Terbs on 20 April 2013, 07:49:30
i know the feeling  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ouch
just got back from casualty to remove lap top from my a**e  :D :D :D
[ must remember to keep coments to my self or when shes gone to bed]  :o :o :o :o :o :o

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Must admit, Have come close to wearing one of my monitors as a necklace ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: ahodgie on 20 April 2013, 08:58:59
The wife got stuck at the exit barrier leaving a multi story car park car just wouldn't pull away after lots of trying a que behind her the attendant came over and said take the handbrake off pet she never forgets now  ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: omega3000 on 20 April 2013, 11:57:19
While driving my 3.0 auto my ex said how come you never change gears with the gear stick like everyone else does , trying to explain an auto from a manual  ... she still never got it  :-X ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: Lizzie_Zoom on 20 April 2013, 12:18:18
While driving my 3.0 auto my ex said how come you never change gears with the gear stick like everyone else does , trying to explain an auto from a manual  ... she still never got it  :-X ::) ::) ::)

You mean you don't?! :o :o :o :o :o :o

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;) ;)
Title: Re: Wife on offer...
Post by: redelitev6 on 20 April 2013, 12:33:39
 :o Wife once said to me " you know we live in Tyne and Wear , where does the Tyne become the Wear ? " err it's two seperate rivers i said, only to be told i was a smart a**e !!! ???