Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Mr Skrunts on 19 June 2008, 06:43:14
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During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
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There is a man in the park peeing in a fountain and a cop comes up to him and says, "Sir you need to zip that up. You aren't supposed to pee in a public fountain like that"
So the cop is leaving and the man zips up his pants but is laughing hysterically. finally the cop says "What are you laughing at?" and the man says "I zipped it up but I didnt stop!"
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;D ;D ;D
Skruntie - You need help!
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Ok, can you send me the number of your phyciatrist please. ;D ;D ;D
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Ok, can you send me the number of your phyciatrist please. ;D ;D ;D
0898 69 69 69
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Arre you sure thas not the number for your sex therapist. ;D ;D ;D
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Arre you sure thas not the number for your sex therapist. ;D ;D ;D
That one word or 2?
sorry gave you the wrong number, try 118 118 they will listen all day
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You been up all night then Scruntie??
;D ;D ;D :y :y :y
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Arre you sure thas not the number for your sex therapist. ;D ;D ;D
If he keeps making Ljay fix the car he might need one.......... ;D
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Arre you sure thas not the number for your sex therapist. ;D ;D ;D
If he keeps making Ljay fix the car he might need one.......... ;D
No making invovled, she has shown a desire to start mechanicing :y
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To: All Staff
Subject: Copier
Please, please please please please - I am begging - keep any and all paper clips away from the copier!
We have had two service calls in the last few days removing paper clips, staples and a binder clip from the innards of the copier.
PLEASE be really really really really careful around the copier. Especially the document handler, which seems to suck clits like a vacuum cleaner.
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Lol! ;D ;D ;D
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Yeah, he needs help!! ;D ;D ;D ;D