Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Field Marshal Dr. Opti on 29 February 2020, 12:43:05
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
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You've had bigger things up your arse than the little plastic stick they send, I'll wager. ;D ;D
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You've had bigger things up your arse than the little plastic stick they send, I'll wager. ;D ;D
I'll have you know my arse has an 'EXIT ONLY' sign strapped to it. :)
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The new kit that they send out now is a lot better then the old one, which was done over three different motions over three days. Gross. 8)
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I had one of these a few months ago. Aiming it into that little bottle takes a lot of practice but I more or less got there in the end.
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I had one of these a few months ago. Aiming it into that little bottle takes a lot of practice but I more or less got there in the end.
Sounds messy.... ;D
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Have a lamb naga and a few beers the night before! :y
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You've had bigger things up your arse than the little plastic stick they send, I'll wager. ;D ;D
And he attended private school, but one doesn't talk about fagging,with Bowels minor :D
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We have just had ours here. Result clear.
My younger brother just had his and they have now found he has colon and spread to liver cancer. Starts treatment next week.
Worth doing for the small faff. Easier if you have a bidet. I know several people who didn’t do it as they “ couldn’t face doing it”
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Sorry about your brother Varche, that's terrible news. :(
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Sorry to hear about your brother Varche. I have mine who has just started a new treatment for lung cancer. As for the poo test, it's not a pleasant thing but is very easy to do and putting it off is just burying your head in the sand.
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
Nowt wrong with a DRE (Digital Rectal Examination), it's the bits that follow if alls not right that scare me.
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o Couldn't you ask to see a male doctor?
Prostate cancer shows in a number of ways. You can google for symptoms. A simple blood test shows up increased PSA which is an indicator. I believe they need to take a biopsy (sample of your prostate to prove it is cancerous. A good older friend has just beaten it so , as usual, early detection helps.
The thing with my brother is a real shock to the system. This sort of thing is "life" . We are juggling stuff to get back to UK ASAP as my dad is going downhill too, no doubt not helped by the news.
We had a good friend here in Spain, only 50, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer inoperable, just before Christmas. died on Boxing day and buried just two days later. No waiting like the UK.
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
Cant you just send them a pair of your heavily soiled smalls?
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
Cant you just send them a pair of your heavily soiled smalls?
I think you may be confusing me with an old man who lives happily with his whippet in Barnsley. :)
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
I had a Chinese doctor plunge a gloved finger up my arsehole a few years ago. An experience I did not appreciate.
Actually, I assume he was doctor. He came from nowhere and disappeared just as quickly. Perhaps he just walked in off the street.
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
.
I had a blood test, ask for PSA test, they only let me have it as father has been diagnosed with prostate, Dr said not a problem, but you do realise if it comes back positive, you will need a fingering, not a problem, don't die of embarrassment, you can also get false positive with blood test, all came back fine, so I didn't get a fingering :o
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The disappointment must have been almost overwhelming :D
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I've given a few girls a good fingering but I don't think I was checking for prostrate problems. :)
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
Cant you just send them a pair of your heavily soiled smalls?
I suspect that Lord Opti's days of wearing pairs of 'Budgie Smugglers' are long gone! ;D
A practical pair of M&S Y-Fronts are probably more appropriate these days. :)
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
I had a Chinese doctor plunge a gloved finger up my arsehole a few years ago. An experience I did not appreciate.
Actually, I assume he was doctor. He came from nowhere and disappeared just as quickly. Perhaps he just walked in off the street.
Think yourself lucky that his name wasn't Harold. :o
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I had a doctor do the finger thing once. I say a finger. Could have been a pedal bin for all I know. I have no sense of perspective down there.
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I got a damn good fingering recently off a very attractive Polish female GP, A very difficult experience mentally :o ;D !!!!
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I've had it done twice and it's nowt. The second doctor who did it was a very young chap and I think he was more nervous than me. Problem is, I'm not sure he even knew what he was supposed to be feeling for.
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I got a damn good fingering recently off a very attractive Polish female GP, A very difficult experience mentally :o ;D !!!!
I know. I went for a scan for an inguinal hernia and I nearly died when a young girl invited me in. I think I even blurted out "Will you be doing it?".She gelled me up and matter-of-factly told me to hold the old man to one side while she did the scan.
Afterwards she handed me a piece of paper towel to wipe myself as if she'd just wanked me off. ;D
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
.
I had a blood test, ask for PSA test, they only let me have it as father has been diagnosed with prostate, Dr said not a problem, but you do realise if it comes back positive, you will need a fingering, not a problem, don't die of embarrassment, you can also get false positive with blood test, all came back fine, so I didn't get a fingering :o
I pay for an annual health screen, its a good opportunity for the Doc to tell me I'm overweight, drink too much and (usually grudgingly) that I have better liver function and blood pressure than average for my age. I'm yet to have 'the finger' but I do get the old cough please, rub and squeeze of the wedding veg. Not sure if I have PSA on the blood tests but I'll ask next time :y
I fear that as 40 looms on the horizon, so does the finger.... :o
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
.
I had a blood test, ask for PSA test, they only let me have it as father has been diagnosed with prostate, Dr said not a problem, but you do realise if it comes back positive, you will need a fingering, not a problem, don't die of embarrassment, you can also get false positive with blood test, all came back fine, so I didn't get a fingering :o
I pay for an annual health screen, its a good opportunity for the Doc to tell me I'm overweight, drink too much and (usually grudgingly) that I have better liver function and blood pressure than average for my age. I'm yet to have 'the finger' but I do get the old cough please, rub and squeeze of the wedding veg. Not sure if I have PSA on the blood tests but I'll ask next time :y
I fear that as 40 looms on the horizon, so does the finger.... :o
You're far too young for a PSA test.
Anyway, you've got enough to worry about with climate change ;D
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You're far too young for a PSA test.
Anyway, you've got enough to worry about with climate change ;D
I know, what with that, being a snowflake remoaner and crippling EV range anxiety its a wonder I haven't blown a gasket. 8)
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You don't have to worry about the finger Jimmy, as apparently we'll all be dead in 10 years anyway! :)
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Which is nice...
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Which is nice...
Exactly what the climate needs yet nobody's admitting, in fact. :y
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
Cant you just send them a pair of your heavily soiled smalls?
I suspect that Lord Opti's days of wearing pairs of 'Budgie Smugglers' are long gone! ;D
A practical pair of M&S Y-Fronts are probably more appropriate these days. :)
Actually I'm quite bohemian are rarely wear 'under garments'.
I just let my balls swing free. :)
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I got a damn good fingering recently off a very attractive Polish female GP, A very difficult experience mentally :o ;D !!!!
I know. I went for a scan for an inguinal hernia and I nearly died when a young girl invited me in. I think I even blurted out "Will you be doing it?".She gelled me up and matter-of-factly told me to hold the old man to one side while she did the scan.
Afterwards she handed me a piece of paper towel to wipe myself as if she'd just wanked me off. ;D
Reminds me of the singing detective.......although I think he creamed himself without any feminine assistance. :)
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
Cant you just send them a pair of your heavily soiled smalls?
I suspect that Lord Opti's days of wearing pairs of 'Budgie Smugglers' are long gone! ;D
A practical pair of M&S Y-Fronts are probably more appropriate these days. :)
Actually I'm quite bohemian are rarely wear 'under garments'.
I just let my balls swing free. :)
Is it true that as you get older they tend to swing lower and lower? ??? :-\
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The NHS are very kindly going to send out a bowel cancer test kit.
It's not every day I am given the opportunity to scrape some shit into a plastic bottle and send it through the Royal Mail.
Isn't getting older great? :) Who would want to be young ever again? :)
Cant you just send them a pair of your heavily soiled smalls?
I suspect that Lord Opti's days of wearing pairs of 'Budgie Smugglers' are long gone! ;D
A practical pair of M&S Y-Fronts are probably more appropriate these days. :)
Actually I'm quite bohemian are rarely wear 'under garments'.
I just let my balls swing free. :)
Is it true that as you get older they tend to swing lower and lower? ??? :-\
I'll have a word with STMO and get back to you. :)
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I imagine his balls hang so low they polish his shoes. :)
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
.
I had a blood test, ask for PSA test, they only let me have it as father has been diagnosed with prostate, Dr said not a problem, but you do realise if it comes back positive, you will need a fingering, not a problem, don't die of embarrassment, you can also get false positive with blood test, all came back fine, so I didn't get a fingering :o
There's a saying that all men die with prostate cancer, but not necessarily because of it.
Even within the medical field there is quite some controversy about testing. If any cancer whatsoever is found or even indicated, then that can jump start a sequence of events leading to treatment. However there is a possibility that the patient would die of old age or something else before the prostate cancer was a big problem. Also the various diagnostics and treatments themselves can be very unpleasant have actual risks.
Some years ago PSA testing (blood test) was all the rage, now the medical profession is more cautious due to the risk of overdiagnosis.
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This is exactly what happened to my maternal grandfather, diagnosed with it at the age of 91, doctor said to leave it as it was tiny and at its earliest strange.
He died of something unrelated at the age of 94. Not bad for someone who had a hard physical job (farmer) and until the age of 40 used to light his new cigarette with the stub of his old one :o
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Indeed, really sorry to hear that Varche, hope the treatment goes well for him!
I'm still at the age where the Doc is overwhelming interested in my balls. Not sure when the ar$ehole phase kicks in but I'm happy to wait.
Is prostate cancer still diagnosed with a finger in the rusty sheriff's badge or have the found a more humane way to do it these days?
.
I had a blood test, ask for PSA test, they only let me have it as father has been diagnosed with prostate, Dr said not a problem, but you do realise if it comes back positive, you will need a fingering, not a problem, don't die of embarrassment, you can also get false positive with blood test, all came back fine, so I didn't get a fingering :o
That's because they are so wildly inaccurate.
My old company had a free scheme, and everyone came back positive. I mean, every single one. So I had loads of colleagues cluttering up the NHS system for a quick fingering.
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The blood test is inaccurate, the fingering is guesswork, the biopsy may or may not hit any cancerous area, that's why the take multiple samples. All in all, a very unsatisfactory method of diagnosis.
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My reaction to having a prostate exam, did not go down well with my doctor.
I may have stated that until that point I never really understood why any one wanted any thing up thier backside.
I may have used what I now know to be homophobic terms. For which I apologise. I'm older and less of a idiot.