Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Mr Skrunts on 03 September 2008, 17:16:06
Title: Joke Time - It;s Raining - NWS (Boobies)
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 03 September 2008, 17:16:06
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and unable to stop in time, the limo hit the cow.
Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.
'Is it alright?' asked Victoria .
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. 'No ma'am, it's dead.'
'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!'
So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later he came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.
'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Victoria exclaimed.
'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me.'
'Just what the hell did you say to them?'
'I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow.'
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: Ian_D on 03 September 2008, 17:17:10
LMFAO!!! Thats Fab! :y ;D
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 03 September 2008, 17:18:37
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said .....
"OK, I give up. Where's the f*ckin' ship?"
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 03 September 2008, 17:20:38
A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Victoria Beckham. That evening, the man brought Victoria to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again..
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Victoria and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Victoria batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. . . . . He said, 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 03 September 2008, 17:21:09
A man enters the confessional and says 'Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been one month since my last confession, I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the past month.
The priest tells the sinner, You are forgiven, go and say four Hail Mary's.
The next man enters the confessional, Bess me father for I have sinned, I have had sex with Fanny Green four times a week for the last month.
This time the priest asks, who is this Fanny Green? A new woman in the town replies the sinner.
The priest tells the sinner he is forgiven and to say 16 Hail Mary's.
The next morning in church the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes are upon her as she slowley sashays up the aisle and sits in the front row. Her dress is green and very short with matching very shiney emerald green shoes.
The priest and the alter boy's gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly apart, Sharon Stone style. The priest turns to one of the alter boys and asks, is that Fanny Green?
The alter boy replies : No Father, I think it is just the reflection off her shoes.
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: waspy on 03 September 2008, 17:46:17
Fantastic as always ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y :y
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: Lazydocker on 03 September 2008, 18:12:25
Now they made me laugh... Especially the first and last :y :y :y :y
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining
Post by: amigov6 on 03 September 2008, 18:22:20
1 & 3... ;D ;D ;D ::)
Title: Re: Joke Time - It;s Raining - NWS (Boobies)
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 03 September 2008, 18:43:41