Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: nick v6 on 23 June 2009, 09:48:30
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little embarrased about this
ive tried everything now
for a while now she has been pinching stuff from the house and taking it to school and vice verser
i gutted her room out a few days ago and made sure that they was not even the slightest bit of rubbish about anywhere
i went into her room the other day and had a look round and found a lot of empty ice cream wrappers
and later found out she had been coming into the kitchen really early morning and getting them out the freezer
i get up at half 5 every morning
she has been pinching ann's makeup and taking it to school
i told her to empty her pockets this morning and she said they were empty so when i pulled up out side the school i decided to empty them
and i found ann's lip gloss makeup stuff
i dont no what it is (typical bloke that i am)
i spoke to her teacher and the teacher told me that she had been bringing stuff into school as passing it around for ages now and saying that me and ann have been letting her do it
i'm out of ideas on what to do now
just feel like running for the hills and getting away from it all
what can peeps recomend me do as i'm starting to get really ruddy angry with it all
if i give out hard punishment i'm in wrong by ann for doing so
i need to get this sorted soon as its little things now while she is 5 years old
whats it going to be like in say 5 to 10 years time
any advice welcome
thanks all
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Got a similar problem with my 5 year old son nick aswell,except he pinching from school,but at the end of the day i think its just a kids trick really,and as for girls and makeup,well say no more,my 9 year old daughter looks like boy george most of the time.As for when i try and correct them though i am cried down by my missus,and she gives into them.so basically i am in a similar situation mate. >:( :y
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Trouble is I think kids are different these days to when we were kids ( and they still don't come with instructions!).
I can remember when I must have been about 8 or 9 I took a liking to a set of plastic coins they used at my school as an aid to teaching maths. My mum found them and marched me to school the following morning, right into the headmasters office, made me givce them back and apologise! I didn't take anny more !!!!!!
That worked for me -- but I can see it going the wrong way these days -- modern kids are too empowered!
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Trouble is I think kids are different these days to when we were kids ( and they still don't come with instructions!).
I can remember when I must have been about 8 or 9 I took a liking to a set of plastic coins they used at my school as an aid to teaching maths. My mum found them and marched me to school the following morning, right into the headmasters office, made me givce them back and apologise! I didn't take anny more !!!!!!
That worked for me -- but I can see it going the wrong way these days -- modern kids are too empowered!
I think its just a phase that most of us have been through really.Also today more kids seem to be diagnosed with a.d.h.d,which doesent really help the matter. :o
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i just don't want it to be little things now and when she is older getting a call from the old bill saying she has been caught pinching from a clothes store or music store :-/
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Not having children Nick I am quite unqualified to give advice so please accept my comments with that in mind.
I'm sure that she wouldn't be the first child to exhibit some underlying problem by acting in this fashion; the problem is how to identify it.
I would think that if undue pressure is brought to bear on her the problem could worsen.
The trick is identifying it without making either you or your wife the bad guys (in your daughters mind)
I would look at the local circumstances for a few clues as the tension surrounding the problems you mentioned in an earlier post may have had some lasting effect on her.
The situation at school would also need to be considered as peer pressure can make children act out of character. I am concerned that the teacher simply accepted the word of a young child without bringing the matter to your attention when they noticed her behaving in this way. Perhaps returns visit?
In any case I think these things are best looked at in a low key way, as the moment you try to force the issue with her, the result may be not what you intended.
If either you or your wife are meeting resistance in trying to get to the bottom of this maybe another trusted family member, aunt or older sibling may be able make some progress. Your daughter may feel unable to reveal to you, her parents, what is making her behave in this way because she might be afraid of getting into trouble.
At the very least it needs monitoring so that it doesn't become a bigger problem, how you do that without alienating her isn't an easy one to answer.
I would say however, if the problem doesn't respond to the low-key approach, you may need to seek professional help, so that it can be dealt with in the early stages.
Best of luck Nick.
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thanks for that
some good info there :y
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Thought about setting my son up when he has pinched something,tell him the police are here to see him,and as it happens i know one anyway,so maybe that would make him see the light.They say you have to be cruel to be kind. :y
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Nick, the first thing that you need to do is sit with Ann and agree on the punishment because if you 2 as parents dont agree then it ill have a detramental affect. So discuss it and set the base line agreed level :y
It needs to be hard and fair and will probably involve depriving her of some thing she enjoys (grounding, removal of computer/TV/DVD/MP3 player etc).
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One other thing thats been missed here....is a 5 year old having run of the house while you are all asleep....
nothing really unusal there.....just be aware of her safety, ie pills, chemicals, knifes, windows not accessible.
just common sense, sure you have something in place, but maybe you expect to always be aware of what she is doing....which isnt currently the case.
at least with teachers aware, i would like to think they can put a stop to in-class distribution now they are aware it shouldnt be happening ( although I would have expected a heads-up off the teacher before hand for that)
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"if i give out hard punishment i'm in wrong by ann for doing so"
the way i see it mate, the first thing you've got to do is sit down with your lass and sort out a plan that you both agree on and stick to it or as kid get older, she will play one off against the other and belive me, that is when the fun starts !!
kids at that age will always push the boundries !
what are her school friends like ?
is she playing up just to impress somebody at school ?
i had alot of problems with a our lasses lad who i brought up as my own from the age of 3. ( he's now 20 ).
now im a "old school" parent. im my kids best friend or there worst enemy and quite happy to administer a slap when nesersary but only as a last resort and only when i know the kid understands why they are getting it but it soon got to the point where i would kick off and then 30 miniutes later, our lass would go and give him a cuddle behind my back !
end result, he hates me and thinks im the most evil tw*t on the planet >:( which at the time actualy split this family up for 6 months as i could'nt take anymore shit >:(
something else to consider. if she is anything like my lad, ( not the other little sh*t i tried to bring up ) then pushing her 2 hard might push her into her "shell"
just remember this mate, NOBODY has ever wrote a book on bringing kids up that is'nt 'dangle berries', you both just have to do the parenting thing YOUR way and if in 20 years time she has turned out ok then you BOTH did it right :y
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Main thing in all of this is to make sure she knows you love her. Any ideas when this all started ? One thought that slips into my mind is the upcoming wedding --- is she feeling a little left out ???
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I agree with alot of what has been posted but is your daughter having trouble at school?
Is she trying to make herself popular by taking stuff into school?
Could things like this be put down to attention seeking?
Just a thought :y
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she gets all the attention she needs
she was doing it last year when i decided i had enough and i took her to the police station and they had a good word with her
ive tried the police station and now they wont talk to her >:(
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I agree with alot of what has been posted but is your daughter having trouble at school?
Is she trying to make herself popular by taking stuff into school?Could things like this be put down to attention seeking?
Just a thought :y
the teacher has said that
she seems to be very popular at school
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One other thing thats been missed here....is a 5 year old having run of the house while you are all asleep....
nothing really unusal there.....just be aware of her safety, ie pills, chemicals, knifes, windows not accessible.
just common sense, sure you have something in place, but maybe you expect to always be aware of what she is doing....which isnt currently the case.
at least with teachers aware, i would like to think they can put a stop to in-class distribution now they are aware it shouldnt be happening ( although I would have expected a heads-up off the teacher before hand for that)
everything is out of her reach
we didnt even know that she was walking the house when we was asleep
i only found out when i found the ice cream wrappers in her bed room
i have thought about getting a movement sensor alarm for down stairs that if she does decide to walk the house when we are all asleep she would set the alarm off
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ive tried the police station and now they wont talk to her >:(
Out of interest, what reason did they give?
[Personal opinion] It's probably better dealt with at home, than involving Police
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ive tried the police station and now they wont talk to her >:(
Out of interest, what reason did they give?
[Personal opinion] It's probably better dealt with at home, than involving Police
the first time i took her they was really helpfull
this time they turned round and said i'm wasting police time
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two facts.. Zulu goes strategic and have right..
And also Marks DTM.. goes directly for result..
No punishment, no result..
so you two must play different roles.. One must be good and other must be bad..
and in those conditions you have to punish her..
and cut all games,tv and the stuff she likes.. will be effective..
and tell her the second time you will be a different person..
while ann playing the soft one which will be more suitable..
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Nick I am reading this thread and trying hard to remind myself your daughter is just 5 years old, a young child who is well below the age of criminal and moral responsibility ::) ::) ::).
At that age they will push the boundaries and seek out weaknesses in the parents ability to control what is just a small child, with maybe a desire to seek attention for some reason that maybe only you and your wife can identify with. Many young girls will start to have a fascination in cosmetics, purely due to the fact that what mummy does. Certainly at 5 I was plastering make on all over my face because it seemed a fun thing to do. Your daughter taking (not stealing, she is far too young to know that!) your wife's cosmetics is becuase she wants 'a bit of that', and doesn't realise it is wrong.
You and your wife, I advise, should sit down with her and talk to her in a proper parent child manner for her age to explain the rights and wrongs of life, but only at the level she will understand at that age, including all that she has been up to, and what you expect from her from now on. Explain to her that what she has been up to has worried her mummy and daddy. Remind her that everything has to be paid for, and perhaps your wife could take her shopping regularly, letting your daughter hand over the money the shop assistant requires to get her used to the idea 8-) 8-) 8-). Remember, with most girls we LOVE shopping from an early age, so play on that. Ensure that there is no misunderstanding about the fact you have to pay for things in shops, and make that fun for her! Maybe you could also let her have a little set of mum's old make up to play with and a dressing up box for being good, but warn her it will be all taken away if she is naughty again.
Please remember Nick she is only a child of 5, and at that age you both can dictate her behaviour by your actions as the parents; be firm but not too over-bearing.
Believe me what you are going through now may seem testing, but when she becomes a young teenager :o :o :o :o :o :o...........I'll say no more as that is a long, long, way off, and you may have a trouble free time ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) :D :D ;).
Do not take this too seriously, as young children often can give you grief, but handle this in a way that is, I repeat, suitable for a five year old girl. ;) ;)
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Nick, the first thing that you need to do is sit with Ann and agree on the punishment because if you 2 as parents dont agree then it ill have a detramental affect. So discuss it and set the base line agreed level :y
It needs to be hard and fair and will probably involve depriving her of some thing she enjoys (grounding, removal of computer/TV/DVD/MP3 player etc).
This is what I was going to suggest but then I have no kids and my experience of looking after one can be written in capitals on the reverse of a postage stamp!
As for you:
HAVE A HUG!
>--------------------------------- :)------------------------------<
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I have been reading '1 minute father' by 'Spencer Johnson' and I reckon it is a good read atleast for someone like me with very little experience and virtually no family support. The book goes on to describe how parents tend to provide attention when the little one is naughty as opposed to rewarding for good behavoiur.
HTH
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Nick I am reading this thread and trying hard to remind myself your daughter is just 5 years old, a young child who is well below the age of criminal and moral responsibility ::) ::) ::).
At that age they will push the boundaries and seek out weaknesses in the parents ability to control what is just a small child, with maybe a desire to seek attention for some reason that maybe only you and your wife can identify with. Many young girls will start to have a fascination in cosmetics, purely due to the fact that what mummy does. Certainly at 5 I was plastering make on all over my face because it seemed a fun thing to do. Your daughter taking (not stealing, she is far too young to know that!) your wife's cosmetics is becuase she wants 'a bit of that', and doesn't realise it is wrong.
You and your wife, I advise, should sit down with her and talk to her in a proper parent child manner for her age to explain the rights and wrongs of life, but only at the level she will understand at that age, including all that she has been up to, and what you expect from her from now on. Explain to her that what she has been up to has worried her mummy and daddy. Remind her that everything has to be paid for, and perhaps your wife could take her shopping regularly, letting your daughter hand over the money the shop assistant requires to get her used to the idea 8-) 8-) 8-). Remember, with most girls we LOVE shopping from an early age, so play on that. Ensure that there is no misunderstanding about the fact you have to pay for things in shops, and make that fun for her! Maybe you could also let her have a little set of mum's old make up to play with and a dressing up box for being good, but warn her it will be all taken away if she is naughty again.
Please remember Nick she is only a child of 5, and at that age you both can dictate her behaviour by your actions as the parents; be firm but not too over-bearing.
Believe me what you are going through now may seem testing, but when she becomes a young teenager :o :o :o :o :o :o...........I'll say no more as that is a long, long, way off, and you may have a trouble free time ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) :D :D ;).
Do not take this too seriously, as young children often can give you grief, but handle this in a way that is, I repeat, suitable for a five year old girl. ;) ;)
Lizzie , new series! ;D children in 5 years of age is more clever than our 10.. They got impulses and knowledge bomdardment uncomparable to us..
So dont underestimate them.. ;D
Although I dont have children , I grow up-live together many from the family and I have serious :o experiences ..
And an example we have a neighbour with a 5 year old girl..Although she is a specific example,
I must say she just play with the parents how she wants.. :-?
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Nick, my thoughts on this are hard to fathom TBH... But I agree with MDTM... Needs to be a hard punishment which both you and Ann agree on and stick to.
I helped my mum out in a similar situation with my 15 year old brother about 8 months ago. Luckily, because I'm much older than him and live away from home, I carry a lot of sway with him. I drove up there (250+ miles) early one morning and read him his horoscope. Then confiscated his PS2, Nintendo DS and anything else he enjoyed. He has earnt these items back, slowly, and I hope he's learnt his lesson.
Now, he's considerably older than your girl but perhaps something along the same lines? :-/ :-/
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we have taken her toys and dolls away
her bedroom is nearly empty just her bed and cupboard now
so its just a case of is she going to do it again :-/
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I agree with what Mark said :y
I always did that but gave in, but both my sons used to get the idea to be honest :)
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my dad was really strickt
he told me if he caught me stealing he would cut my fingers off
if he caught me smoking which he did once wen i was 10
and he made me sit and eat a fag :'(
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my dad was really strickt
he told me if he caught me stealing he would cut my fingers off
if he caught me smoking which he did once wen i was 10
and he made me sit and eat a fag :'(
has was a pragmatic guy who showed you the realities ;D :y
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Have re-read the original post.
Q Nick you are up at 5 every morning, is your daughter back in bed and asleep?
Look Knee made a lot of sense re being popular in class, I know from York that she is not shy ::)
She is the eldest, If I remember correctly, does she feel left out at all. Think about this, does she feel left out, not what you think? and as someone mentioned, you do have the wedding coming up.
Seems like some form of attention seeking behaviour, could be something or nothing, but the one big thing you need to remember is that You and Ann must agree and stick together, in front of her.
You are both adults and need to behave as such, so disagree by all means, but in private.
It is important to instill 'Values' at a young age, but the thought of dragging a 4 year old, assuming she was last time, down the Police station horrifies me, she needs to be able to build up a trusting relationship with the Police.
No easy answers or quick fixes. ::) ::)
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we have taken her toys and dolls away
her bedroom is nearly empty just her bed and cupboard now
so its just a case of is she going to do it again :-/
I hope she has a cuddly toy or two at bed time........
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we have taken her toys and dolls away
her bedroom is nearly empty just her bed and cupboard now
so its just a case of is she going to do it again :-/
I hope she has a cuddly toy or two at bed time........
yeah she has a teddy bear
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Have re-read the original post.
Q Nick you are up at 5 every morning, is your daughter back in bed and asleep?
Look Knee made a lot of sense re being popular in class, I know from York that she is not shy ::)
She is the eldest, If I remember correctly, does she feel left out at all. Think about this, does she feel left out, not what you think? and as someone mentioned, you do have the wedding coming up.
Seems like some form of attention seeking behaviour, could be something or nothing, but the one big thing you need to remember is that You and Ann must agree and stick together, in front of her.
You are both adults and need to behave as such, so disagree by all means, but in private.
It is important to instill 'Values' at a young age, but the thought of dragging a 4 year old, assuming she was last time, down the Police station horrifies me, she needs to be able to build up a trusting relationship with the Police.
No easy answers or quick fixes. ::) ::)
i never check in her room at that time i just ashume she is asleep
its not the wedding as she has been doing this since last year at her old school
i ran out of options and was told to take her to go and see my local police station and that came off a beat copper that i know quite well
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Have re-read the original post.
Q Nick you are up at 5 every morning, is your daughter back in bed and asleep?
Look Knee made a lot of sense re being popular in class, I know from York that she is not shy ::)
She is the eldest, If I remember correctly, does she feel left out at all. Think about this, does she feel left out, not what you think? and as someone mentioned, you do have the wedding coming up.
Seems like some form of attention seeking behaviour, could be something or nothing, but the one big thing you need to remember is that You and Ann must agree and stick together, in front of her.
You are both adults and need to behave as such, so disagree by all means, but in private.
It is important to instill 'Values' at a young age, but the thought of dragging a 4 year old, assuming she was last time, down the Police station horrifies me, she needs to be able to build up a trusting relationship with the Police.
No easy answers or quick fixes. ::) ::)
i never check in her room at that time i just ashume she is asleep
its not the wedding as she has been doing this since last year at her old school
i ran out of options and was told to take her to go and see my local police station and that came off a beat copper that i know quite well
I think you need to separate out the issues. As for the ice cream in the middle of the night, it's the 'middle of the night that worries me' she is either sleepwalking, hungry, or stealing food. The latter can be the result of some underlying emotional problem, as could the taking things to school consider going to your GP.
She may of course simply grow out of this with a lot of love, understanding and firm and consistent boundaries with clear consequences for her actions that you both agree on.
Can't think of any other suggestions at this stage...
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we have explained to her about right and wrongs and what can happen in a situation like this
we have even helped her read news papers about how people have been taken to prison for stealing and it did get to a stage where she broke into tears and said "i don't want to go there"
she knows what will happen i think its a case of getting it drummed into her head
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Try and keep the make up stuff out of her reach (if you can).........threatening to sell them to the poor people work's for me (sometimes)
If they fight over toys etc., they lose it for a week or two :y
Eldest had a small hoard of pound and two pound coins, taken from the vanity thingy drawer, where I leave my change, she's been told, now it's a case of wait and see ::)
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Try and keep the make up stuff out of her reach (if you can).........threatening to sell them to the poor people work's for me (sometimes)
If they fight over toys etc., they lose it for a week or two :y
Eldest had a small hoard of pound and two pound coins, taken from the vanity thingy drawer, where I leave my change, she's been told, now it's a case of wait and see ::)
i herd you say that at york once or twice and i did notice that it worked
i think i'll take a trick out of your book and try that
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I'm no expert ... and both my "kids" are now well past their 20's !!! and quite well balanced as well .... :)
My only thought reading this is .... remember she's only 5 ....whilst I agree that discipline is important, and knowing the difference between right and wrong is paramount, it would be very easy to overreact and come down very hard ... if she was 10 I'd agree with that .. but at 5 she still doesn't REALLY know the rules and boundaries.....
Only you can decide the appropriate level .... but take care you don't turn it into a major battle.......
Good luck..... only another 20 odd years to go ... :)
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I think children understand more than we actually give them credit for. It does seem strange but I still think it is attention seeking, be it a positive or negative response from the parent. :-?
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I've thought about this for a while and have a theory which I shall expound below. Please note that I do not know your family history at all, so forgive me if sounds too assumptive or intrusive.
I find it very revealing that your daughter is taking make-up (the ice creams are not relevant). In my experience (I have a daughter of 8), she will only have a passing interest in cosmetics. A bit of lippy on special occasions, maybe, but not enough interest to take such items to school, knowingly against your will, and pass them around.
At such a tender age, though, she will know why Ann has cosmetics. It's to make her beautiful, especially in your eyes. It takes a child's logic to think that if she takes Ann's cosmetics away, she will not be so beautiful to you.
I may be wrong, but it's worth a thought.
So, following on form the above, forget about taking her possessions away from her, or taking her down the local nick, She needs guarantees of your unconditional love.
As a long-time governor of a school (albeit secondary) I can assure you that the correlation between sanctionable behaviour and family instability runs as high as 80% - 90%. Please note, however, that I am not insinuating in any way that your family is unstable (the popular word is disfunctional), indeed it looks like becoming a very loving unit, especially with your upcoming nuptials. However, to a 5-year old, it may seem unstable in that she may perceive her Daddy's love is to be conditional or under threat.
She is a bit mixed up and insecure, but certainly not a criminal in the making.
Once again, please note that I know nothing of your circumstances and if I am wrong in any assertion, feel free to tell me to shut up. I feel for you, and that is why I have given my post much thought. :y
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I think children understand more than we actually give them credit for. It does seem strange but I still think it is attention seeking, be it a positive or negative response from the parent. :-?
And bad, or feeling left out, leading to bad, behaviour gets more attention that good behaviour....... ::)
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i had a chat with ann last night which turned into an argument and i decided to say "ok you deal with her"
ive tried everything now
sitting her down telling her right from wrong
those sticker chart things, they don't work
taking toys from her
its in ann's hands now
on the other note
thanks for all the advice given :y :y
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not a nice position to be in nick, hope you get it sorted soon. :(
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not a nice position to be in nick, hope you get it sorted soon. :(
thanks
i hope so to
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i had a chat with ann last night which turned into an argument and i decided to say "ok you deal with her"
ive tried everything now
sitting her down telling her right from wrong
those sticker chart things, they don't work
taking toys from her
its in ann's hands now
on the other note
thanks for all the advice given :y :y
Not good that it turned into a row but...
Make sure you stand by Ann, whatever happens :y :y :y
You can always tell her you don't agree in private but in front of the littleun you must support her :y :y
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i had a chat with ann last night which turned into an argument and i decided to say "ok you deal with her"
ive tried everything now
sitting her down telling her right from wrong
those sticker chart things, they don't work
taking toys from her
its in ann's hands now
on the other note
thanks for all the advice given :y :y
Not good that it turned into a row but...
Make sure you stand by Ann, whatever happens :y :y :y
You can always tell her you don't agree in private but in front of the littleun you must support her :y :y
thats what i'm going to do
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Nick I am reading this thread and trying hard to remind myself your daughter is just 5 years old, a young child who is well below the age of criminal and moral responsibility ::) ::) ::).
At that age they will push the boundaries and seek out weaknesses in the parents ability to control what is just a small child, with maybe a desire to seek attention for some reason that maybe only you and your wife can identify with. Many young girls will start to have a fascination in cosmetics, purely due to the fact that what mummy does. Certainly at 5 I was plastering make on all over my face because it seemed a fun thing to do. Your daughter taking (not stealing, she is far too young to know that!) your wife's cosmetics is becuase she wants 'a bit of that', and doesn't realise it is wrong.
You and your wife, I advise, should sit down with her and talk to her in a proper parent child manner for her age to explain the rights and wrongs of life, but only at the level she will understand at that age, including all that she has been up to, and what you expect from her from now on. Explain to her that what she has been up to has worried her mummy and daddy. Remind her that everything has to be paid for, and perhaps your wife could take her shopping regularly, letting your daughter hand over the money the shop assistant requires to get her used to the idea 8-) 8-) 8-). Remember, with most girls we LOVE shopping from an early age, so play on that. Ensure that there is no misunderstanding about the fact you have to pay for things in shops, and make that fun for her! Maybe you could also let her have a little set of mum's old make up to play with and a dressing up box for being good, but warn her it will be all taken away if she is naughty again.
Please remember Nick she is only a child of 5, and at that age you both can dictate her behaviour by your actions as the parents; be firm but not too over-bearing.
Believe me what you are going through now may seem testing, but when she becomes a young teenager :o :o :o :o :o :o...........I'll say no more as that is a long, long, way off, and you may have a trouble free time ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) :D :D ;).
Do not take this too seriously, as young children often can give you grief, but handle this in a way that is, I repeat, suitable for a five year old girl. ;) ;)
i was reading this thread and was about to reply when i read Lizzie - everything and more that i was going to say :y :y