Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Mr Skrunts on 30 October 2009, 19:25:50
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Big Boobs
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.
She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
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;D ;D ;D
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Secretary Pregnant
Tom in deep thoughts is very quiet. Jerry asks, "What is wrong with you, Tom?"
"Please don't ask."
"I'm your best friend. You can talk to me."
"My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant."
"That's not possible."
"No, he did."
"How?"
"He punctured my condoms!"
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Orgasm For A Woman
There Are At Least EIGHT Types Of ORGASM FOR A WOMAN.
1. The Optimist - Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes......... ......
2. The Pessimist - Oh No, Oh No, Oh No.......... .......
3. The Confused - Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No.........
4. The Traveler - Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming...... ....
5. The Religious - Oh God, Oh God......... ......... ....
6. The Userer - Ahh, More, More, More........ ......... .
7. The Murderer - Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you
8. The Submariner - Mmm...OHHH.. .Deeper.. .Deeper.. . GO DEEPER!!
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Peeing Lesson
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
"1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the outhouse door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
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Peeing Lesson
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
"1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the outhouse door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
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Few Myths
A man boards a Kingfisher flight
from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'
He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'
'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,'she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!'
'Venkatraman! ' the man blurts out. 'Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!'
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Few Myths
A man boards a Kingfisher flight
from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'
He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'
'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,'she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!'
'Venkatraman! ' the man blurts out. 'Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!'
I recall a very similar joke, but the punchline was "Tonto Goldstein".
I'll let you work it out... ;) ;D
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Brilliant Mr S. Keep em coming :y ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Aisle 4
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms
.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know." "Go see Sophie in aisle 4."
He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!"
The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?"
The kid embarassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size."
The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells... "Clean up in aisle 4!"
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;D ;D
very nice Mr S :y
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Brilliant Mr S. Keep em coming :y ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Might post some more tonight. :y
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excellent stuff :y :y
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Quality Mr S ;D ;D ;D
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Hee Hee, ;D ;D keep 'em coming skruntie ;D :y
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Customer : My wife needs a bra but, I don't know the size.
Sales girl : Touch my breast and try to calculate.
Customer : Oh ! I forgot she needs panties too.... ::)