Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: mantagte on 04 November 2009, 13:00:04
-
One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing
rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a panther
heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh!
I'm in deep doo-doo now!'
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, heimmediately settles down to
chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the panther is about to leap, the
old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one
delicious panther!i wonder, if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in
mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close!
That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene
from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and
trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the
old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther
with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and
strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of
and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to
happen to that conniving canine!
Now,the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with
the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What
am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his
back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when
they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel?
I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!
the moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always
overcome youth and treachery!
-
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when
you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly
was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door..'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her
desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you
see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was
an old mini van with two flat tires..
-
An elderly gentleman.....
Had serious
hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
doctor and the doctor
was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be
really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
-
Two elderly gentlemen
from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old
now and I'm just full of
aches and pains.. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
-
An elderly couple
had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
'What is the name of that flower you give to
someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then
turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name ofthat restaurant we went to last night?'
-
Couple in their nineties
are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells themthat they're physically okay, but they might want
to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything
while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'Sure..'
Don't you think you should write it down so you
can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.''Well, I'd like some
strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain
you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with
strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
-
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'
-
an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.
-
One
more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up
onto a stool.. After
catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.The waitress asked kindly,
'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied,
'Arthritis.'
-
Excellent. ;D ;D :y :y
-
Good ones ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
-
Two men were talking about financial problems.
One says: Did you see, our neighbours wife took all his money and left him!!
The other one says: OOuhhh he is very fortunate then. My wife has taken all the money BUT SHE IS STILL HERE!
-
;D ;D ;D all very good Manta ;D ;D ;D :y
-
;D ;D was a boring night thanks :y
-
Just going to the pub, I'm taking these with me (just printed them off) :y ;D ;D ;D
-
You can always rely on a bl**dy good laugh from you lot :y ;D ;D ;D ;D