Omega Owners Forum

Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: dbug on 30 January 2010, 15:42:14

Title: One liners
Post by: dbug on 30 January 2010, 15:42:14

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door. They asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
 
Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations " but none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done" ?
 
Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.... I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How are you getting on ?"
 
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours ?" she asked. "Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else !"
 
My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.
 
Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Personally I think its 'dangle berries' !!
 
They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk crap and can't drive!
 
What's the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack ? The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.
 
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled ?" "No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."
 
A mate of mine has just told me he's sh*gging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart ?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache !"
 
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me ?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
 
 

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: Welung666 on 30 January 2010, 15:54:00

All excellent  ;D ;D ;D ;D :y

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: sexydaz on 30 January 2010, 15:57:02

pmsl :y

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: Dishevelled Den on 30 January 2010, 16:03:01

 ;D ;D ;D they all just hit the spot  ;D :y :y

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: R.C. ™ on 30 January 2010, 16:12:04

 ;D  .. well funny ..  ;D

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: Entwood on 30 January 2010, 16:40:59

Brilliant ...  :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: jonnycool on 30 January 2010, 18:18:12

Excellent jokes mate  ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: cruisetopoland on 30 January 2010, 18:24:40

Superb  ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: Rockhampton on 30 January 2010, 18:27:05

Made me laugh!!! Good stuff  :D

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: Amigo on 31 January 2010, 00:00:10

 ;D 8-)

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: david_omega on 01 February 2010, 23:19:31

whats funny some of them go onto a second line!  they did crack me up tho, gives me a few facebook statuses for the next few days!!

Title: Re: One liners
Post by: PhilRich on 01 February 2010, 23:23:36

I have seriously PMSL here mate! I know it's p*ss because it smells alcoholic! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y