Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: SJKOO01 on 05 March 2011, 16:32:49
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:'( :'(
Sorry if this post isn’t of interest, but to be honest I think it’ll help me out on a personal level. Though I doubt anyone’s really missed me after the last couple of weeks as I know I’m not a great poster on here compared to most. But after recently having to deal with some dreadful family news I really haven’t been myself or could bear to even touch the computer, let alone post or check emails etc.
My Step-father recently passed away, the Cancer he was suffering with finally took him last week. He only found out about six months ago and was told with some treatment they couldn’t cure it but could probably almost bring it to a halt, prolonging his life for a few more years at least anyhow.
At first the hospital thought that things seemed to be going well, but up and till couple of weeks ago, he got up one day, wasn’t feeling very well, went to see the specialist anyhow as it was an appointment day for him. There and then the specialist said he needs to be in hospital immediately. They did some further tests and they found out that his Cancer wasn’t responding to treatment as they first thought and with it being an aggressive type it had spread throughout.
Just when we thought things couldn’t get any worse for our family, his condition deteriorated by the end of the week. We were told that he may respond a little, though to be prepared for the worse, as it could be a few weeks, maybe month or two. Sadly it wasn’t to be, as I got a call early hours of the next morning from the hospital, he had passed away – peacefully in his sleep thank goodness, rather than suffering in pain.
:'(
As I write this with a tear or two in my eye thinking about it all as I type, as right from the start he was determined to fight his condition and wasn’t about to give up. He was always positive thinking and not for one minute did he ever think that things could get so bad to think of preparing for the worse, as along with the family we all thought that he had a few years in front of him at least.
I suppose that’s the hardest thing for us to deal with, so sudden how it all happened and we didn’t even get to say proper goodbyes.
I’m full of guilt as I’ve been suffering quite badly myself, having getting over gastroenteritis, so wasn’t able to get to the hospital near the end, as didn’t want to pass any virus to him or other patients, so I feel as if I had my chance taken from me to say my goodbyes, etc. :-/ :'(
It’s been and still is a difficult time for my family to get through at the moment, sort out what and who needs to be notified, etc. Not going to be easy time and I’m just fed up of life myself at the moment, having no interest in anything much. Also finding it difficult at the moment to eat and sleep as so much more to deal with.
I know I’m not the only one who’s had to deal with this sort of thing and I won’t be the last. But no matter how you try to prepare yourself in life for the things that may happen along the way, there are still things that you never ever think will happen to ‘you’ and hit you square in the face.
People say things will get a little easier as time goes by, but for now it’s difficult to believe any of that.
Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll back to myself posting and reading threads on here, as it’s the one place I regularly visit. Having made one or two friends from here, besides the one’s I chat to online.
Well like I’ve said, I know that this isn’t going to be of interest to anyone, but more of a help to me knowing that I’m sure someone can understand where I coming from on here and bit of moral support I guess? :-/
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Very sorry to hear mate, what a sad story. Condolences to you & your family.
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sorry to hear that, never a good time. :'(
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Hi goose, very sad times your having. nothing wrong with sharing your feelings mate & hope that it will help ease the situation a little. try to keep your chin up though, remember, your stepfather wouldnt want you to be feeling sad like this. remember the good times.
with my heartfelt sympathy.
yours, jon. ;)
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Always helps to talk about it friend. Been in your position with both in-laws and both of my parents. The feelings of grief will at times feel overbearing but believe me as the days pass into weeks & months you will bear those feelings more easier and look back with smiles and loving thoughts of the loved one you have so sadly lost.
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Sorry to hear of your loss. Condolences to you and the rest of your family.
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So sad to hear this, as Red Baron says, your stepfather wouldn't want you to mope around for long, and you will feel a little better given a bit of time. The sudden downturn in his condition must have been a big shock though, my condolences to you
Jon
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I've got elderly parents so kind of understand. Of couse your post is of interest. We have our ins & outs on here but if a member is down we all rally round & that's what counts.
Regards & sympathies to you & your loved ones, Guy.
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you have my sincere condolences at this time,I hope things get easier for you.
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I feel for you and your family Goose at your very sad loss :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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Hi Gooseman
Sorry to hear of your bereavement. Having lost my father in the last few years and having my mother determined to live on her own despite deteriorating mental and physical ability, I have pondered the "should it be quick or drawn-out" debate at length. It may sound callous but I think the quicker one is better for the person concerned if they are conscious during terminal illness, and may even be the better option for carers.
You clearly held your father-in-law in high regard and that makes it harder at first, but you won't have the ongoing remorse of having been at war with him and no chance to make-up! That counts for a lot.
Someone said "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". At times like this the truth of it can start to be understood.
I'm sorry too, that you were prevented from visiting by your own illness. You did the right thing and gave him the best chance.
Hopefully you can get other family members to share the burden of tidying up his affairs.
All the best.
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Very sad to hear of your loss. You are right nothing in life preapares you.
From experience time does heal but it might take a long time.
My thoughts are with you.
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Very sad reading that, Goose. Please accept my condolences. :'(
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Gooseman, please accept my condolences to you and your family. It does get easier. Just be around to support your loved ones and they will reciprocate and support you.
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Ditto - my condolences, Gooseman. I'm sorry to read of your loss :(
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All the best mate, I know how it feels. :'(
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Please accept my heartfelt condolences for you and yours.. :(
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Hi again.
Thanks to those that responded with a thread of consonances’ and to those sharing their own past/present personal grief also.
Silly as it sounds, but knowing that some of you have taken the time to read my long personal thread and responded, also sharing with morale support has given me some strength.
At this difficult time I think had no-one added to the thread I may have felt worse to some degree, so I suppose I was taking a risk of feeling on my own somewhat (if you understand what I mean?).
Like I say, for the short term I may not be popping on here as much, but once I start getting my head around everything better, I should be back to my idiot self.
Once again, thank you for responding and giving me faith back in people out there in the real world, it does make a difference.
An appreciative OOFer :y
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Goose i'm so sorry to hear that, I lost my mother in law a year and a half ago from day to day, i know how you feel all i can say in these dark few weeks/months is it will get better and hang in theretime does heal even though thiose words are cold comfort, don't let depression sit on you need to get on (as opposed to move on) getting on will take you inch at a time away from the pain and let you move on realising that it was better to have him in your life and have the pain of losing him than not, i know words are only words at a time like this but i really feel for you, my heartfelt condolences,
Rich
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So sorry to hear of your loss. The Vamps household send our condolences to you and your family.... :( :(
We, sadly, lost swmbo's father just a few weeks ago having finally lost his battle with Cancer so have a good understanding of the process, and the 'sorting out of things'.......
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I would like to ditto what everyone has said so far but to add these few words and to also to say sorry to hear of your of loss :'( :'(. When I first read this it was obvious you was in pain and reaching out and I think it might have taken an effort to share your feelings for a tragic loss, especially to those not known. :-/ :-/
I have not been in that situation but had an experience which was totally unexpected which I can only say, felt like suffering a blow over the head with a blunt object, you are disorientated can't take your surroundings in. I don't know how I would handle the loss of my mother as it is only us, and I have thought about this especially when attending others bereavement ceremony.
Been so close made things that much harder for you especially as you were considering him foremost even when you were ill. Forgive me if it appears like lecturing, I do not mean to do so.
As to sharing, it is written it is good for us to take each others burden.
Everyone has coping mechanisms i.e throwing themselves into work, hobbies etc. Someone said time eases wounds. I would like to think that loved ones may be there watching and encouraging us. In addition, I do not know if you are a person of faith but it may be worth praying about this situation. When I refer to praying it is more like having a conversation with your step father and it may possibly help to think of him.
One thing I'm really happy about is that he did not suffer in his last moments.
Just a final thought, it may sometimes be easier to speak to those not directly involved as you have virtual friends here. :y :y :y
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A sad story GooseMan and you have my deepest sympathies having been in a similar situation myself a few years ago.. :'(
There's a big hole in your life right now and whilst you will never forget your Stepfather, the hole will get smaller with time.....
Be strong my friend ;)
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It's taken a degree of courage to share your feelings publicly on here, so feel contentment at doing so mate.
I certainly understand your emotional turmoil at this sad time, though believe me, time will indeed prove to be a great healer.
Last year I lost my mother to dementia, and my great friend and confidante Bill (who was over 30 years my senior and treated me like a son), and I now look to the future as they'd have wanted me to do so. Several members have modestly benefitted from the latter's estate, and I now feel great contentment that his wishes have been executed as I promised him. He was indeed a gentle and most generous man, who greatly influenced this scribe, and I miss him sorely.
Keep your chin up Goose, and things will gradually work out for you.
Please accept our sincerest 'Valleys' condolences for your sad loss from everyone in the 'Sethsmates household'.
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its good to know you feel you can open up on a public forum involving people you now class as friends in such who will return bestest wishes and share some of your pain,if i had a problem i would post on here...a problem shared and all that.wishing you all well in this hard timeand i can only believe what others say and hope its true that time will make it easier :y
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Sincere Condolences Gooseman :(
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Having just received news of a close friends departure, you have my deepest sympathies. Please keep posting, as you know that your virtual friends will be thinking of you Gooseman.
Sincere condolences.
Chris
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Very sorry to hear that, . my Condolences to you and the family
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In the same boat mate my younger sister 50 has been battling it for 8years, told in Dec nothing else they can do so just waiting for the time, matter of weeks now,it's amazing how much it messes with your head.
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Very Very sad news. Passing away peacefully leaves you some comfort. So Sorry for your loss. Sincere condolences to yourself and your family.
Dan
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So Sad. Condolences to you and your family. RIP
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A very sad story i know how you feel as i lost my sister and father to cancer within 12 months of one another you will feel better but it will take time good luck