Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - thewelshman

Pages: [1] 2 3 4

Newbie Welcome Area / Hello everybody

« on: 08 November 2007, 22:51:21 »

Hi. Joined forum last week and the first thing I did was to buy Elite Pete's 3.2. I was reading the topic refering to him putting it up for sale and some of you wishing you could have it. Well it's a beautiful car, very clean and drives like a dream. I now have to put my right foot on a diet and then get rid of my 97 2.5 CD. Next I would like to get the auto box software updated localy if possible, tip I picked up on the forum. So for me the forum is starting to be very usefull already.
Its nice to be part of a knowledgable community.
Phil

Car Parts, bits For Sale & Wanted / Where to buy cheapest rear coil springs

« on: 02 November 2009, 17:59:45 »

Hi all.
I am desperately looking for rear coils for 3.2 elite self levelling. Any ideas.
Many thanks
Phil

General Discussion Area / The Austrian

« on: 07 May 2008, 00:51:55 »

An Austrian journalist asked the next door neighbour of Josef Fritzl
if he knew Alice.

Alice! Alice!

Who the fu*k is Alice?

You mean, for 24 years I’ve been living next door to Alice!

General Discussion Area / Curing people for work

« on: 07 May 2008, 00:47:09 »

An Israeli doctor said Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can
take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him
looking for work in six weeks.

A German doctor said That's nothing, in Germany we can take a lung out of one person,
put it in another and have him looking for work in 4 weeks.

A Russian doctor said In my country medicine is so advanced, we can
take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them
both looking for work in 2 weeks.

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said Hah, we can take an
asshole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half
the country looking for work within 24 hours.

General Discussion Area / BMW driver

« on: 03 May 2008, 03:23:14 »

FAO BMW drivers !

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my
motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow
down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and
honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my
headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that,
but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run
him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get
onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I
had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to
have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £60
each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said
that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the
full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they
will take it off me!

See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW! "

General Discussion Area / Till death us do part

« on: 03 May 2008, 03:35:53 »

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not
being funny ..but I have to get up in the fuc*ing morning and you don't!."

General Discussion Area / Wet myself laughing

« on: 03 May 2008, 02:46:21 »

Some language in this but very funny.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6ESG7ossRNY&feature=related

**General Discussion Area / Women are clever bast*rds**

« on: 03 May 2008, 03:39:02 »

When John found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million pounds."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men.

General Discussion Area / Old is when

« on: 01 May 2008, 00:53:41 »

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN.... A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

General Discussion Area / The Cow

« on: 28 April 2008, 18:40:16 »

Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo.
Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the
limo hit the cow.

Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was all right.

'Is it all right?' asked Victoria Beckham.

The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. 'No ma'am, it's dead.'
'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!'

So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later he
came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.

'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Victoria exclaimed.

'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of

wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me.'

'Just what the hell did you say to them?'

'I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow.'

General Discussion Area / Cider

« on: 28 April 2008, 13:32:42 »

A little girl came running into the house crying her eyes out and cradling her hand.

"Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!" she wailed.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" asked her mum.

"I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away."

Confused, but weary of the child's whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.

"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn't work!" whined the little one.

"What are you talking about?" asked her increasingly perplexed parent.

"Well I overheard my big sister Mary say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider!"

General Discussion Area / One for the lads

« on: 28 April 2008, 13:15:55 »

Dont know how they do this but its neat!!!
Click onto this link and on the first line enter your drinking buddies name on the first space and then your name on the second line.
Ignore lines three and four.
Then click enter...the bottom left word. Its in Portugese I believe.

http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

General Discussion Area / Don't try to con the teacher

« on: 23 April 2008, 23:16:40 »

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night and Didn't
Study For The Exam Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Head and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the Exam.

So the Head said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Head. Then the Head said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Exam consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name.........................(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............(98 MARKS)

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right.....!!!

General Discussion Area / Can you read this ?

« on: 22 April 2008, 01:00:47 »

I'm one of the 55. Are You?

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tih! s is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

It wolud be hmuoruose if you cuodln't.

General Discussion Area / Have you seen my new screen washer?

« on: 22 April 2008, 22:16:14 »

http://www.thedog.gr.vc/