301
General Discussion Area / Re: Advice needed.
« on: 27 August 2009, 01:15:55 »
Gotcha. Its an oldie but a goodie. Bit like me really! 8-)
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303
General Discussion Area / Advice needed.
« on: 27 August 2009, 01:07:15 »
I've been noticing for quite a while that my wife has been receiving secret texts and mysterious calls. She's been going out to see her friends a lot more too. I'm not a jealous guy but my suspicion was aroused when she went to work the other day. I called her and they said that she was off sick. So, this evening, when she went out, I jumped in the Omega and followed her at a distance. She pulled up at the local park, so I drove a little further and got out and hid behind the front wing. She waited for a while and then a bloke who I know she works with showed up and hugged and kissed her. I looked down at my shoes and noticed that I was standing in a puddle of green water. I smelt it and I can't be sure but I think it was coming from the aircon pump. Do you think I could have a leak? How difficult is it to find and how much should I pay for a repair?
304
General Discussion Area / Re: best news in ages.....
« on: 26 August 2009, 21:55:41 »
The housemates escaped yesterday and the prize fund was taken.
305
General Discussion Area / Flowers
« on: 24 August 2009, 19:29:40 »
Two young ladies were sitting in a living room gossiping and sipping tea when one of them looks out of the window. "Aw how romantic! There's your boyfriend coming home carrying a big bouquet of flowers!"
"Damn, not again!" says her friend glumly.
"What's wrong with that! a lovely bouquet of flowers! I wish my hubby was that romantic" replies her bemused friend.
"Oh nothing" says the first, "It just means that I have to spend all night on my back with my legs open"
The other girl thinks for a while. "...surely you've got a vase!"
"Damn, not again!" says her friend glumly.
"What's wrong with that! a lovely bouquet of flowers! I wish my hubby was that romantic" replies her bemused friend.
"Oh nothing" says the first, "It just means that I have to spend all night on my back with my legs open"
The other girl thinks for a while. "...surely you've got a vase!"
306
General Discussion Area / In memorium
« on: 24 August 2009, 09:52:39 »
An eminent Harley street heart surgeon passed away. In celebration of his work, many leading lights in the line of surgery came to pay their respects. The funeral was a lavish affair, culminating with the coffin passing through a large replica heart in recognition of his work. At the wake, two consultants were talking about the funeral. "That was really something wasn't it? Guess its really raised the bar for our send offs." The other consultant looked glum. "I hope not, I'm a gynecologist!" [smiley=2vrolijk_08.gif] 
307
General Discussion Area / Re: Embarrassing Children Moments?
« on: 22 August 2009, 13:09:59 »
Not embarrassing but I was in the services on the M40 at Northampton with Scott, my oldest, who was 5 at the time. We were in the toilets which were very busy. He was just tall enough to start using the urinals so was busy going away when he looked over at me and said very loudly, "Daddy, your willy is huge!" I looked over at all the other people in the room and just shrugged!
It also puts me in mind of the old story of the dad who walks in to the living room to be greeted by his 6 year old. "Daddy, what's love juice? she asks. In a cold sweat, he sits his daughter down and explains the birds and the bees. When finished, she has a look of utter horror on her face. To break the mood, he asks, "Anyhow, what were you watching on telly?" "Just the tennis" she replies...
It also puts me in mind of the old story of the dad who walks in to the living room to be greeted by his 6 year old. "Daddy, what's love juice? she asks. In a cold sweat, he sits his daughter down and explains the birds and the bees. When finished, she has a look of utter horror on her face. To break the mood, he asks, "Anyhow, what were you watching on telly?" "Just the tennis" she replies...