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Please play nicely.  No one wants to listen/read a keyboard warriors rants....

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Messages - JasonH

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46
General Discussion Area / Libre Office or Open Office?
« on: 21 February 2021, 16:49:38 »
I'm getting a new PC (well actually an ex office one off ebay) and whilst it will have Win 10 on it, it won't have MS Office.

What are people's thoughts and experiences with Libre Office and Open Office (or anything else). I don't think this machine needs a full blown MS Office licence but being able to use Word, Powerpoint or Excel occasionally would be handy.

47
General Car Chat / Re: Any online resources for Corsa VXR?
« on: 15 December 2020, 18:19:14 »
Thanks for your help. I was thinking most things would be straightforward but I do like to have a scan through the workshop manuals for any potential snags (and the torque settings where appropriate).

I can't remember if it was this forum, but I came across spark plug "indexing" recently. I also recently found out that one of my cars has two oil drain plugs. Both things I could have messed up without the manuals.

48
General Car Chat / Any online resources for Corsa VXR?
« on: 15 December 2020, 08:19:57 »
I have kind of landed a project to get a friend's Corsa VXR back on the road. It has failed its MOT on a bunch of things, some minor like bulbs, some more significant like suspension, leaking shock. I think it's a 2010 model or newer.

Not having had a Vauxhall for quite few years now I don't have a TIS or links to online manuals.

A Google took me to a site that my virus checker had a major wobble about  :(

Recommendations please.

49
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 18 November 2020, 18:51:58 »
Two men are out fishing at their favorite spot, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Jim says, 'I think I'm
going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

John continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,....

......'You better think it over - women like that are hard to find!.'

50
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 12 October 2020, 18:53:24 »
This is the first year I won't be running the London marathon because of COVID.


Normally I don't do it because I'm fat and can't run.

51
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 22 September 2020, 20:42:04 »
How Men Think...
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic".

"Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to get lost.

52
General Car Chat / Re: Decision time approaches...
« on: 17 August 2020, 18:56:17 »
Go on MoT it and hang a nice new air freshener from the mirror whilst you're at it....

53
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 15 August 2020, 10:01:45 »
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is man standing at the door.
It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

54
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 28 July 2020, 13:38:59 »
Too Smart

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!"

55
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 28 July 2020, 13:37:42 »
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."

His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."

56
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 25 July 2020, 12:34:28 »
A Beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her
Breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place."

57
General Discussion Area / Re: Sticky for Jokes
« on: 25 July 2020, 12:28:36 »
I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.
She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently, although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?
I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep downI just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a veiw of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
So what should I do? Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?

58
General Car Chat / Re: Antifreez coolant question
« on: 04 June 2020, 09:29:04 »
The coolant is a yellowy green colour.

You can buy it pre-diluted or neat. I think I've seen it in Asda. I buy the neat stuff from Costco.

When you first drain the old coolant, even with a flush, some of the old stuff remains in the block so I have a slight blue tinge in one car and a slight pink tinge in another!

59
General Car Chat / Re: Antifreez coolant question
« on: 03 June 2020, 11:22:04 »
I standardised all my cars on Prestone yellow, after Ford gave me some yellow stuff (which I paid over the odds for trying to get the exact red Ford coolant). I've used it in GM, Ford and BMW cars.

https://www.holtsauto.com/prestone/products/coolant-antifreeze-ready-use/#:~:text=Prestone%20Coolant%20is%20the%20number,Add%20to%20any%20coolant%2Fantifreeze

I've drained it out of one or two cars after a few years for maintenance like water pump changes and it still looked good. No sign of sludge or anything. I do mix it with distilled water though.

60
General Car Chat / Re: Spot the dashboard
« on: 23 May 2020, 10:17:05 »
The thing that really surprises me is that all the other cars were actually in the left hand lane....... :)

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