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Topics - dad1uk

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General Discussion Area / Caravanning
« on: 15 October 2012, 09:32:41 »

General Car Chat / A car in disguise
« on: 11 July 2012, 16:32:40 »

They have had the local Junior School to try and disguise it but guess what it was before the bump ;D ;D ;D

General Car Chat / Ed Brown's Auto Shop
« on: 02 July 2012, 21:16:16 »
Ed Brown's Auto Shop, Apollo, PA - about 40 miles east of Pittsburgh.
Take note of the other artifacts along the walls of the shop such as the two Elvis figures.

General Discussion Area / Sex Insurance
« on: 10 March 2012, 18:15:23 »
Make sure you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you are having.

Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:

... Sex with your wife - Legal & General.

Sex on the telephone - Direct Line.

Sex with your Partner - Standard Life.

Sex with someone Different - Go Compare.

Sex with a Fat bird - More Than.

Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels.

Sex with a posh bird - Privileged.

Sex with an OAP - Saga !

Sex with a transvestite -

Sex on the back seat of an old Vauxhall - Aviva

sex with two women - Co-operative

Sex with a Sheep - Farmer's Mutual

Sex for Free - Liberty

Sex with a bloke - Hiscox

Sex in a church - Ecclesiastical

Shared Sex - Equity Syndicate

Sex with the dog - Churchill

A tight fit! - XL

What the RAC Insurance say -sex with a really old person, requires jump leads.

No sex please, we're British - Prudential

General Discussion Area / 6 Young Men
« on: 08 March 2012, 22:29:04 »
I know it has been mentioned before about the six soldiers who will not be marching home.
I do not appologise for bringing it up again, because I want to share this short epitaph.
I must admit I read it out to the wife and had a tear in my I before I had finished..... :(

‎6 lost,
6 unwanted visits,
6 doors received that dreaded knock,
6 families with shattered hearts;
6 pairs of boots lined up with rifles, dog tags and helmets,
6 comrades remembered and grieved for;
6 funeral services,
6 names on newly made grave markers,
6 empty places at the table,
6 souls who gave all and whose lost lives leave a irreparable void;
Let's take 6 seconds to and pray for those families.
RIP the 5 from 3rd Battalion Yorks and 1 from Duke of Lancs killed in Afghanistan.
Stand down heroes, your work is done.
God's speed to all.

General Discussion Area / Investmant Advice
« on: 07 March 2012, 21:38:55 »
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG insurance company one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers five years ago, you would have nothing today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have nothing today

But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tesco's, drunk all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be British.

General Discussion Area / English Language
« on: 06 March 2012, 20:40:58 »
You think English is easy??

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present thepresent.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is is a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out; an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? :y


General Discussion Area / Diesel £1.50 per litre
« on: 27 February 2012, 21:24:06 »

Okay it is on the motorway, but fuel does seem to be creeping up again..... >:(

Omega General Help / Front Door Lock
« on: 14 February 2012, 23:38:45 »
When I lock the car - press the fob- all the doors lock except the front passenger door.
If I press the fob again to deadlock the doors then then the front door locks.
The door unlocks as normal.
Do you think it's the lock or maybe a wiring fault?
I just want to get all bits needed before stripping the door down......

General Discussion Area / High Speed Train
« on: 12 February 2012, 22:08:28 »

The government has agreed to the new proposal for a rail link between Birmingham and London.
This will make it easier for families in London to visit their relations in Birmingham.

The Department of Transport has released an artist impression of the new high speed train................

General Discussion Area / Nobody's perfect
« on: 05 February 2012, 20:11:54 »

Love it!

General Car Chat / Mini Recall
« on: 16 January 2012, 23:13:14 »
Just had this on a Community Forum in Birmingham......
May be of interest to some........

RECALL - MINI Cooper S and MINI JCW models built between 2006 and 2011, and affects around 29,000 cars. The potentially faulty circuit board – which has caused around a dozen reported fires in the US – is to be changed, and MINI owners affected in the UK will be getting letters over the next few weeks so they can book their cars in to their MINI dealers for the replacement part.
The risk of fire is minuscule, but if you’re worried, or if you’re outside the MINI dealer network and are worried MINI won’t contact you, you can call MINI Customer Service on 0870 5050160

General Car Chat / Airbag testing
« on: 09 January 2012, 19:19:17 »

Not recommended by the Health and Safety Executive ;D

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