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Topics - dad1uk

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General Discussion Area / The Bathtub Sanity Test
« on: 23 August 2009, 21:50:17 »
 The Bathtub Test

  During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do 
You determine whether or not a  patient should be institutionalized. 

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a 
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." 

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"


General Discussion Area / 2.0GLS clutch... advice needed
« on: 22 February 2009, 20:05:02 »
I have been told that the symptoms I have mean the clutch needs changing.....

It is difficult to select a gear when the car is at a standstill, but ok when the car is moving. There is no slipping, even if I try to make it slip. The bite is about half way up the pedal.

I have also been told there is something unusual about the clutch slave cylinder, and it should be replaced when changing the clutch.
I have never heard of this before, but then again I've never had to get an Omega clutch changed.

Does any of this make sense, does the clutch need changing, or is it the gearbox getting tired?

Any advice greatfully received, and if it is the clutch, what sort of price will I be looking at?

General Discussion Area / Old Mobile Phones Wanted - For Good Cause
« on: 16 February 2009, 22:45:37 »
Hi all,
how many of you have old mobile phones sitting in a draw collecting dust?

It doesn't matter if they work or not, they are wanted to help fund the kitting out of Birmingham Children's Hospital Kidney Unit.

Start rummaging now! It doesn't matter if it's broken or damaged.
But remember the newer the phone the more money it will generate!
Just stick it in a 'Jiffy' Bag.

You can post your unwanted mobiles to:

And write Kidney Kids on the back of the envelope.

I hope you can help a worthy cause

General Discussion Area / Loo-knee
« on: 17 January 2009, 18:00:27 »
Just got back from a visit to Loo-knee's for various bits.
This is what the OOF is all about. We had a good chat over a cup of tea and I parted with my bits.
One of the nice guys.
Just a note to say thanks, and hope to see you again.
Simon. :y

General Discussion Area / OOF Flyers
« on: 18 October 2008, 21:02:27 »
Just a note to say 'Hi' to whoever stuck a flyer under my wiper in Kingstanding today.
I was at work at the time, so I don't know who it was.
Thanks once again.   :y

Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdes oil spill
In Alaska was $80,000.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
Saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
Applause from onlookers..  A minute later, in full view of the clapping
Onlookers, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
Almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
Towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
Current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two
Places.  Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were breaking a fence in protest at the cruelty
Of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany .  Suddenly, two
Thousand scared pigs broke loose and stampeded through the broken fence in
Their frenzied efforts to escape.  The two hopeless protesters were trampled
To death..

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with 'return to sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
Bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

Please take all this in the manner it is meant  :y
Have a smile - there is too much misery at the moment  :y

General Discussion Area / Having a bad day?
« on: 13 October 2008, 16:11:24 »
Think you are having a bad day?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of
Forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.  The deceased male
Was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
Flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
Massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification
Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up
In the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the
Coast, some 20 miles from the forest.  The fire fighters, seeking to control
The fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with
Very large dip buckets.  Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the
Site of the forest fire.

You guessed it.  One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300
Feet in the air.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.   ::)

General Discussion Area / Your bad day could be worse!!!!
« on: 13 October 2008, 16:13:13 »
Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the
Kitchen.  While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into
Gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it
Burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran into the room to find her husband cut and
Bleeding, the motorcycle on the floor, and the shattered patio door.  She
Called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill,
Went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort
Them up to her bleeding husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the
Motorcycle and push it outside.  She also quickly blotted up the spilled
Gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet before
Following her husband to the hospital.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
Shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.  He went into
The bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his
Business.  About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband
Screaming.  Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown
Away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an
Ambulance.  The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they
Asked the wife how the unfortunate man had come to burn himself.  She told
Them.  They started laughing so hard, one slipped and lost his hold on the
Stretcher, dumping the husband out.  He fell down the remaining stairs,
Breaking his arm.

Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse.. ;)

You may remember a suggestion to write to our MP about the intended Road Tax increases.

Here is a reply from Angela Eagle MP Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury to my appeal over the increases to Road Tax.


"In explaining the approach the Government has taken in the Budget 2008 to reforming VED, I should begin by setting the context for the current proposals. In 1997 there was only one rate of VED, which was the same for all car owners, regardless of a cars cost or enviromental impact. In 2001, the government introduced a system of banding by Carbon Dioxide(CO2) emissions to provide a signal to motorists of the enviromental impacts of their potential choice. This change was welcomed by the main opposition parties at the time.


However by Budget 2008 it was clear that there was a case of going further. Firstly, the EU have proposed regulations that would require  average new car CO2 emission to be cut to 130 grams of carbon dioxide per Kilometre by 2012. Secondly, the 'King Review of low carbon cars' was also published at Budget. This showed that drivers can save as much as 25% of carbon emissions by shifting to the lowest carbon car within a particular class.  This does not mean shifting to a different type of car altogether eg from a family car to a small runabout, but it does mean picking a low-emitting family car.


Therefore, in Budget 2008 the government announced the direction of future reform of VED rates and bandings including:


*  from 2009, the introduction of six new VED bands, to better incentivise a shift to 'best in class' cars and to reward drivers of low emission cars; and


*  higher first year rates in 2010-11 to better influence purchasing choices at the point of sale.



It has been suggested that the application of the 2009 changes to existing cars is in some way retrospective taxation. Let me be clear that this is not the case. It is normal for car tax changes  apply to all cars - as is the case for most other taxes, and VED changes have previously been applied to all existing cars, for example when a new band for lower emitting cars was introduced in 2002. In addition, applying VED rates only to new cars would cause confusion - effectively creating three systems of VED, and therefore undermine the overall enviromental signal.


Also it is worth pointing out as a result of these proposed changes, the majority of motorists in graduated VED(the post 2001 system) will be better off or no worse off in 2009 and 2010. Of those low-income families who own a car which will be subject to the new 13 bands of VED - these families are more likely to have purchased lower cost, lower emitting cars which are therefore in the lower VED bands. They are therefore more likely to be among the majority who will either benefit or be no worse off as a result of the reforms announced at the Budget, than those on higher incomes. Scrapping the application of the new VED rates to existing cars, is therefore likely to increase the tax that many of these households will pay in 2009.



If you are unsure of the CO2 emissions of your car you can:


*    check the V5C registration document ;or


*    enter details relating to the car into the DVLA vehicle enquiry website at



If your car was purchased prior to 2001 then it will not be subject to the CO2 based emissions scheme at all because reliable data on emissions for these vehicles is not available. Your car will not be affected by these reforms. Instead your VED will either be frozen, or increase by only 15 in 2009.


I would like to emphasise that no-ones VED will increase by 245 in one year, as has been inaccurately reported. No drivers will pay more than 90 extra in 2009 and most who face an increase will pay far less than that. Less than 5% of the cars that are subject to these reforms will pay an increase of more than 100 over two years - and those that do fall into a particular category, as they are currently paying VED at a lower rate than other cars that emit the same ammount.


I hope this explains the current situation.

Thank you for writing to me about his important subject.

Kind regards

Angela Eagle MP"

I would be interested on your comments to this letter......


General Discussion Area / The girlfriend
« on: 27 April 2008, 04:22:45 »
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going
to get married. He says, 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over
2 other female friends in addition to my fiancee and you try and guess
which one I'm going to marry'.
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, 'Okay,
Ma.guess which one I'm going to marry.'
She immediately replies, 'The red-head in the middle.'
'That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?'
'I don't like her.'

 ;D  ;D

General Discussion Area / The Speaking Clock
« on: 27 April 2008, 04:24:50 »
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back
to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were
rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the guests asked.
'Why, that's my Speaking Clock' the man replied. 'How does it work?'
'I'll show you', the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering
blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, 'For
f*cks sake, it's twenty to two** in the f*cking morning!!'

General Discussion Area / The Spanner
« on: 27 April 2008, 04:20:37 »
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are
charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'
The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your
daughter to death with a spanner.'
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You f*cking b*stard!!!'
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom,
and said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime,
but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall
charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'
Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For
fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked to
borrow a ****ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!'  ;D  ;D

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