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[Mr Skrunts]

Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories...
 
REMOVING CLOTHES       
With partner's consent...       12 calories
Without partner's consent...       187 calories
        
UNHOOKING BRA       
Using two calm hands...       7 calories
Using one trembling hand...       36 calories
        
GETTING INTO BED       
Lifting partner...       1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor...       16 calories
Using skateboard...       3 calories
        
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS       
For normal healthy man...       2.5 calories
Losing erection...       14 calories
Searching for it...       115 calories
        
PUTTING ON CONDOM       
With erection...       1.5 calories
Without erection...       300 calories
        
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM       
If the woman who does it is:       
Experienced...       6 calories
Inexperienced...       73 calories
If a man does it...       650 calories
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.       
        
POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS       
Bouncing...       7 calories
Sliding around...       9 calories
Serious skidding...       12 calories
Whiplash...       27 calories
        
ORGASM       
Real...       27 calories
Faked...       160 calories
        
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE       
Shoes flew off...       35 calories
Expression didn't change...       0.5 calories
Orchestra swelled...       6 calories
Birds sang:       
Large birds...       7 calories
Small birds...       3 calories
Earth moved...       30 calories
        
PULLING OUT       
After orgasm...       0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm...       500 calories
        
PENIS ENVY       
For woman...       3 calories
For men...       72 calories
        
GUILT       
Banging your boss for a promotion...       30 calories
Sex during a 'sickie'...       10 calories
Bonking each other with parents in other room...       7 calories
Putting it on your expense account...       9 calories
        
AGGRAVATION       
Partner keeps showing plant...       5 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay...       14 calories
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time...       10 calories
Partner is taking phone calls...       7 calories
Partner is making phone calls...       40 calories
        
GETTING CAUGHT       
By partner's spouse...       60 calories
By your spouse...       100 calories
Trying to explain...       55 calories
Trying to remain calm...       100 calories
Leaping out of bed...       75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion...       500 calories