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Author Topic: Marriage - Statistics  (Read 561 times)

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Mr Skrunts

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Marriage - Statistics
« on: 13 April 2009, 18:11:51 »
Statistics show that the sexual position most used among married couples is doggy-style.

The husband sits+begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Marriage - Statistics
« Reply #1 on: 13 April 2009, 18:13:26 »
Kiss Defined


Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Marriage - Statistics
« Reply #2 on: 13 April 2009, 18:15:04 »
Women's Quote of the Day:

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Marriage - Statistics
« Reply #3 on: 13 April 2009, 18:15:55 »
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that wall!"
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Marriage - Statistics
« Reply #4 on: 13 April 2009, 18:16:59 »
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and her dress was an oyster and it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . .please advise"

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
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Re: Marriage - Statistics
« Reply #5 on: 13 April 2009, 18:18:48 »
Marriage Mathematics & Statistics.....

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

    * Smart man + smart woman = romance
    * Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    * Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    * Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

    * Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    * Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    * Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    * Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:

    * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS: To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY: Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY: Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION: There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.
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Lizzie_Zoom

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Re: Marriage - Statistics
« Reply #6 on: 13 April 2009, 18:27:00 »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
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