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Author Topic: Joke Time  (Read 486 times)

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Mr Skrunts

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Joke Time
« on: 04 January 2010, 23:44:41 »
Bad news and awful news

One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side,it had snowed during the night and everything wascovered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads"I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD".Bill calls the FBI and says "Someone has written "I hope you get impeached" in urine on my lawn. For themto write it in the spot it's in they would have had to be on my deck. Please help me find this criminal."

The FBI agrees and comes back a week later. "Well Mr.Clinton we did DNA , urine and handwriting tests. Do you want to here the bad news or the awful news first." Bill sighs "bad I guess"." The urine belongs to Al Gore" Bill grabs his chest "Oh!Al, my best friend my partner, my vice president...
What'sthe awful news?!"The FBI agents look at each other...
"The hand writing was Hillary's"
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Joke Time
« Reply #1 on: 04 January 2010, 23:48:41 »
It finally happened

A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious...
What does Hell look like?" So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator." The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said, the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed and he traveled back up to Heaven. After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said, "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one more question." "Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked, "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?" Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered, "Snow and ice, huh. I guess Leeds beat Manchester United !!"
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Joke Time
« Reply #2 on: 04 January 2010, 23:51:39 »
Rules for hunting lawyers

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
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Omegadoha, Desert Member

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Re: Joke Time
« Reply #3 on: 05 January 2010, 10:03:48 »
Very good  ;D ;D
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PhilRich

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Re: Joke Time
« Reply #4 on: 05 January 2010, 23:16:03 »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Six constipated Japs Skruntie! Can't be bad :y
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