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[splott]

Two golfers (Pete and Mike ) sat watching the prizes being given out at their yearly Golf Society party.
The guy who came in third comes onto the stage for his trophy.
Pete says to Mike "They call him Swallow".
Why do they call him Swallow enquires Mike?
"When he hits a ball it just soars for miles"

Guy who came second climbs to the stage for his trophy.
Pete says " They call him Eagle"
" Why do they call him Eagle then Mike?"
"When he hits a ball it just flies for miles"

The guy who came in first climbs to the stage.
Pete says " they call him Thrush"
Mike " Why do they call him Thrush then"
" Irritating C##T!"

[splott]

Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.  She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments
and asked 'How does that feel?'
 
He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think

my thumb's broken.'