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Author Topic: Seen in church magazines  (Read 978 times)

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Nickbat

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Seen in church magazines
« on: 15 February 2010, 22:38:31 »

I received this by email. Most amusing.  ;D ;D

++++++

The following have all appeared in church magazines so let us thank God for church ladies with typewriters!

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Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
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Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
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Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation .
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and be prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
 --------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
 --------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

 ;D ;D :y
« Last Edit: 15 February 2010, 22:40:21 by Nickbat »
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Entwood

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #1 on: 15 February 2010, 22:41:54 »

Very good  :y :y :y :y :y :y :y
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Lazydocker

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #2 on: 15 February 2010, 22:54:45 »

Seen them before... But still funny ;D ;D ;D :y :y :y
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Bixy1

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #3 on: 15 February 2010, 23:59:29 »



Had to be slapped.....nearly hysterical!!!!!  ;D ;D ;D :'(
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ians

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #4 on: 16 February 2010, 10:55:37 »

Hilarious :y :y
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waspy

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #5 on: 16 February 2010, 10:56:03 »

Very good ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
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Hannah Judes Dad

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #6 on: 16 February 2010, 15:08:26 »

Fantastic,raised a smile in my house  ;D ;D ;D :y :y :y
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PhilRich

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #7 on: 16 February 2010, 15:11:40 »

Bloody good ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
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griffin

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #8 on: 16 February 2010, 15:18:23 »

Bloody brilliantn ;D ;D ;D ;D
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cruisetopoland

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Re: Seen in church magazines
« Reply #9 on: 16 February 2010, 15:55:51 »

Superb-forwarded to my Mother who is a vicar  :y

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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