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[dbug]

I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days'. I told him 'I wish I had your will power'


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A woman buys a wall mirror from B & Q. The manager says 'would you like a screw for that mirror'. No she said 'but I'd suck your c*ck for a lawn mower'.


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I got fired on my first day as a masseur today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.


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A fat bird served me food in McDonald’s at lunch time; she said 'sorry about the wait'. I said 'don't worry fatso, you'll lose it eventually’.


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Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him and says 'if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one?’. Paddy said 'if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them'. Murphy says 'Four'.


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One of life's great mysteries: how is it that a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch fanny IN THE DARK............ but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?


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Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself 'she'll be lucky with a face like that!'


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I have a new chat up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'


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Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away'. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!

[Dishevelled Den]

  they hit the spot D 

[jonnycool]

Excellent 

[STMO999]

Made me chuckle

[eliteomegaman]

Well i've had to change me trousers cos p.m.s.l 

Nice one & keep em coming 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

 

[waspy]

Laughed at every one