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Author Topic: Sunday joke  (Read 773 times)

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Chopsdad

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Sunday joke
« on: 06 May 2007, 11:10:30 »

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.

"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."

"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can wee in a cup to check your alcohol level."

"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I wee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."

"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."

"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.

"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."

"Oh, no, I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."
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STMO123

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #1 on: 06 May 2007, 18:45:44 »

 ;D ;D ;D


Another one:

Traffic cop pulls over a motorist on a city street. "Do you know what the speed limit is on this road sir?"
"Yes officer, its 30mph"
"Thats correct sir, and what speed were you doing?"
"30mph officer"
"I.m sorry sir, but my partner and me clocked you at 41mph"
"Rubbish. 30mph I was doing"
"Sorry sir, 41mph"
"'dangle berries'. Maybe 31"
"41, SIR"
"30"

At this point the drivers wife leans over from the passenger side and says "Listen officer, a word of advice. It's no good argueing with him when he's had a few"
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Chopsdad

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #2 on: 06 May 2007, 20:37:10 »

Quote
;D ;D ;D


Another one:

Traffic cop pulls over a motorist on a city street. "Do you know what the speed limit is on this road sir?"
"Yes officer, its 30mph"
"Thats correct sir, and what speed were you doing?"
"30mph officer"
"I.m sorry sir, but my partner and me clocked you at 41mph"
"Rubbish. 30mph I was doing"
"Sorry sir, 41mph"
"'dangle berries'. Maybe 31"
"41, SIR"
"30"

At this point the drivers wife leans over from the passenger side and says "Listen officer, a word of advice. It's no good argueing with him when he's had a few"

Thanks Steve, this thread was getting lonely  :D
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STMO123

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #3 on: 06 May 2007, 20:41:27 »

I know. A few of mine have drifted off to page 2 carrying a duck egg ;D Makes you feel like you farted in church or something :(
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Chopsdad

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #4 on: 06 May 2007, 20:47:22 »

Quote
I know. A few of mine have drifted off to page 2 carrying a duck egg ;D Makes you feel like you farted in church or something :(

Right then, now I'm on a mission.  Find a joke and post in the next 10 minutes that makes you laugh - best one wins....nothing  :-[
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STMO123

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #5 on: 06 May 2007, 20:53:27 »

Family of four following a rubbish truck on the motorway. A dildo flies off the truck and smacks into their windscreen. "What was that?!" asks one of the kids in the back. "It was an insect" says mum. "kinnell! Did you see the size of its c*ck!" says  junior.
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Chopsdad

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #6 on: 06 May 2007, 21:08:00 »

Hows this:

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Steve! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Steve. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Steve if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Steve, and says "Hi Stevie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Steve's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Steve follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Steve."
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STMO123

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #7 on: 06 May 2007, 21:13:42 »

Very bleedin' funny, I'm sure


 ;D ;D ;D :y

You win.....nothing :P
« Last Edit: 06 May 2007, 21:14:48 by STMO123 »
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Chopsdad

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Re: Sunday joke
« Reply #8 on: 06 May 2007, 21:16:32 »

Quote
Very bleedin' funny, I'm sure


 ;D ;D ;D :y

You win.....nothing :P

All names changed to protect the innocent...and for comic effect  :P
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