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[tigers_gonads]

Swmbo's mother is 89 this year and is fading pretty fast.
Always falling at home and she has a memory like a sieve.
She will never except help of anybody even though she has never stopped rather moaning in the 21 years i've had the mis fortune to have known her 

Most of the time, her doctor can't be arsed to come out to see her on request and without druging her, and dragging her to the car (2 big lads neaded because shes a big woman), you have no chance of getting her to go and sit in the waiting room of her quacks doctors 


Her son is 58. A cross between Mr Bean and Roy Cropper off corrie, still lives at home with mummy and is worse then useless 

Swmbo is working all hours to keep our heads above the water so enough is enough, the gloves are off and i've taken on the challenge of getting her some sort of help 

Basicly, i'm looking to get her any support I can and any aids that will make life a little easier for her around the house.  Hand rails / stair lifts / ramps ect 
She lives in a council property but the only way she will move is in a bodybag (size XXXL)

Any help, advise, phone numbers, idea's will be greatly apprieciated by me and swmbo 
(if not by that cantankerous old git)   

Footnote:-    I better go to heaven for this   

[hotel21]

Much as it pains me to utter the words, consult your social work department.  Advise of the circumstances and request insight into possibility of respite care for a week or two in order that her condition/mobility can be fully assessed.

On the back of that, walking and fixed aids can be considered for around the house in order that full lifestyle can be improved.

Been through similar with the MiL who, after a couple of respite stays, is now a full time resident in a council care home and her general physical and mental wellbeing has come on leaps and bounds since.

Nowt to loose for trying, really?   

[Crazycarzowner]

Hi mate, I'm currently going through the same with my father who had a really bad stroke last year. He used to drive & had all his driving privilages taken away. He's now been diagnosed with a form of dimenture. Up to the end of last year my mum was running around like a headless chicken, caring for him & lookin after the house. Their problem was that they wouldn't ask anyone for any help or advise. We (sons & daughter) help them as much as we can but after talking to quite a few agencys (Help the Aged, Social Services) there is a whole load of help, care, and extra funds that SWMBO could apply for if she is her mums 'carer'. You can have their home assessed to see if its suitable for them and if not you can get the council in conjunction with Help the Aged to make alterations / modifications to the property. You could apply for Carers or attendance allowance, or arrange for Carers to call in to help out (given that the M-I-L will agree) my dad wouldn't. Theres help with the heating with the bills / upgrades. You may even qualify for a disability vehicle for hospital aptmts getting about with her etc.

[tigers_gonads]

Much as it pains me to utter the words, consult your social work department.  Advise of the circumstances and request insight into possibility of respite care for a week or two in order that her condition/mobility can be fully assessed.

On the back of that, walking and fixed aids can be considered for around the house in order that full lifestyle can be improved.

Been through similar with the MiL who, after a couple of respite stays, is now a full time resident in a council care home and her general physical and mental wellbeing has come on leaps and bounds since.

Nowt to loose for trying, really?   

I'll start making calls tomorow
Thanks 

[tigers_gonads]

Hi mate, I'm currently going through the same with my father who had a really bad stroke last year. He used to drive & had all his driving privilages taken away. He's now been diagnosed with a form of dimenture. Up to the end of last year my mum was running around like a headless chicken, caring for him & lookin after the house. Their problem was that they wouldn't ask anyone for any help or advise. We (sons & daughter) help them as much as we can but after talking to quite a few agencys (Help the Aged, Social Services) there is a whole load of help, care, and extra funds that SWMBO could apply for if she is her mums 'carer'. You can have their home assessed to see if its suitable for them and if not you can get the council in conjunction with Help the Aged to make alterations / modifications to the property. You could apply for Carers or attendance allowance, or arrange for Carers to call in to help out (given that the M-I-L will agree) my dad wouldn't. Theres help with the heating with the bills / upgrades. You may even qualify for a disability vehicle for hospital aptmts getting about with her etc.

On the list of calls for tomorow.
Thanks 

No chance on any allowance because her son is in full time employment (the lucky barsteward) 
Tbh, it should be him that is sorting all this out but he is bloody useless.
Swmbo is always having a go at him but he can't be arsed / hasn't got a clue 
I normally try and keep my distance with him for swmbo's sake.  Lets just say he started interfering in our life a few years ago and he got rather lairy with me.  I totally lost it and very nearly spent some time in the big house for my trouble 

Problem is, he has been tide to his mothers apron strings all his life so when she's gone, there is only one place he will end up 

Thanks all 

[Vamps]

Hi mate, I'm currently going through the same with my father who had a really bad stroke last year. He used to drive & had all his driving privilages taken away. He's now been diagnosed with a form of dimenture. Up to the end of last year my mum was running around like a headless chicken, caring for him & lookin after the house. Their problem was that they wouldn't ask anyone for any help or advise. We (sons & daughter) help them as much as we can but after talking to quite a few agencys (Help the Aged, Social Services) there is a whole load of help, care, and extra funds that SWMBO could apply for if she is her mums 'carer'. You can have their home assessed to see if its suitable for them and if not you can get the council in conjunction with Help the Aged to make alterations / modifications to the property. You could apply for Carers or attendance allowance, or arrange for Carers to call in to help out (given that the M-I-L will agree) my dad wouldn't. Theres help with the heating with the bills / upgrades. You may even qualify for a disability vehicle for hospital aptmts getting about with her etc.

On the list of calls for tomorow.
Thanks 

No chance on any allowance because her son is in full time employment (the lucky barsteward) 
Tbh, it should be him that is sorting all this out but he is bloody useless.
Swmbo is always having a go at him but he can't be arsed / hasn't got a clue 
I normally try and keep my distance with him for swmbo's sake.  Lets just say he started interfering in our life a few years ago and he got rather lairy with me.  I totally lost it and very nearly spent some time in the big house for my trouble 

Problem is, he has been tide to his mothers apron strings all his life so when she's gone, there is only one place he will end up 

Thanks all 

It's got naff all to do with him or how much money he earns, to an extent.....contact Social Services and ask for an assessment, they will also get OT in for any modifications needed to the house...........Whoever cars for your MIL may get carers allowance, regardless of working or not, you need an appointment with a benefits advisor at the CAB or, as said, age concern.....not really my area but Social Services are not benefits advisers, it is such a minefield, though they may have contact with a benefits advisor. Worth a phone call, you have nothing to lose....good luck.....

[tigers_gonads]

Hi mate, I'm currently going through the same with my father who had a really bad stroke last year. He used to drive & had all his driving privilages taken away. He's now been diagnosed with a form of dimenture. Up to the end of last year my mum was running around like a headless chicken, caring for him & lookin after the house. Their problem was that they wouldn't ask anyone for any help or advise. We (sons & daughter) help them as much as we can but after talking to quite a few agencys (Help the Aged, Social Services) there is a whole load of help, care, and extra funds that SWMBO could apply for if she is her mums 'carer'. You can have their home assessed to see if its suitable for them and if not you can get the council in conjunction with Help the Aged to make alterations / modifications to the property. You could apply for Carers or attendance allowance, or arrange for Carers to call in to help out (given that the M-I-L will agree) my dad wouldn't. Theres help with the heating with the bills / upgrades. You may even qualify for a disability vehicle for hospital aptmts getting about with her etc.

On the list of calls for tomorow.
Thanks 

No chance on any allowance because her son is in full time employment (the lucky barsteward) 
Tbh, it should be him that is sorting all this out but he is bloody useless.
Swmbo is always having a go at him but he can't be arsed / hasn't got a clue 
I normally try and keep my distance with him for swmbo's sake.  Lets just say he started interfering in our life a few years ago and he got rather lairy with me.  I totally lost it and very nearly spent some time in the big house for my trouble 

Problem is, he has been tide to his mothers apron strings all his life so when she's gone, there is only one place he will end up 

Thanks all 

It's got naff all to do with him or how much money he earns, to an extent.....contact Social Services and ask for an assessment, they will also get OT in for any modifications needed to the house...........Whoever cars for your MIL may get carers allowance, regardless of working or not, you need an appointment with a benefits advisor at the CAB or, as said, age concern.....not really my area but Social Services are not benefits advisers, it is such a minefield, though they may have contact with a benefits advisor. Worth a phone call, you have nothing to lose....good luck.....

The problem is that the lazy t*sser won't get of his arse to help his mum 
I'll have a word with swmbo in morning and see if she can talk some sence into her brother 

Thanks for the advise Vamps 

[Auto Addict]

Much as it pains me to utter the words, consult your social work department.  Advise of the circumstances and request insight into possibility of respite care for a week or two in order that her condition/mobility can be fully assessed.

On the back of that, walking and fixed aids can be considered for around the house in order that full lifestyle can be improved.

Been through similar with the MiL who, after a couple of respite stays, is now a full time resident in a council care home and her general physical and mental wellbeing has come on leaps and bounds since.

Nowt to loose for trying, really?   

You still have council run care homes in Scotland?

Just been told that they are disbanding home help in B'ham, and we have got to make our own arrangements for my 104 year old mom

[MV6Matt]

Swmbo's mother is 89 this year and is fading pretty fast.
Always falling at home and she has a memory like a sieve.
She will never except help of anybody even though she has never stopped rather moaning in the 21 years i've had the mis fortune to have known her 

Most of the time, her doctor can't be arsed to come out to see her on request and without druging her, and dragging her to the car (2 big lads neaded because shes a big woman), you have no chance of getting her to go and sit in the waiting room of her quacks doctors 


Her son is 58. A cross between Mr Bean and Roy Cropper off corrie, still lives at home with mummy and is worse then useless 

Swmbo is working all hours to keep our heads above the water so enough is enough, the gloves are off and i've taken on the challenge of getting her some sort of help 

Basicly, i'm looking to get her any support I can and any aids that will make life a little easier for her around the house.  Hand rails / stair lifts / ramps ect 
She lives in a council property but the only way she will move is in a bodybag (size XXXL)

Any help, advise, phone numbers, idea's will be greatly apprieciated by me and swmbo 
(if not by that cantankerous old git)   

Footnote:-    I better go to heaven for this   

Hello mate,
Not sure how the services are set up where you are, but these things may help:-

You could also ask your Wife to speak to her Mums GP and ask that an ADL (Activities of Daily Living) assessment is carried out. GP referrals can't be refused and Social Services are funded for this.
If your MIL's GP is at a Health Centre, you could also ask for an OT assessment by the Team Occupational Therapists (pretty much similar to ADL but done by Health, not Social Services)
The process is now far more geared to keeping people in their homes rather than moving them (it's generally cheaper)
As your MIL's circumstances are complex, it may also be worth asking about Direct Payments so that MIL's family buy a service (home help, meals on wheels etc which is provided directly to MIL)

It might also be worth asking GP for referral to the local Memory Clinic (if she has memory like a seive) so that your wife and Brother in Law can get help and possibly get your MIL involved in a day service (if sucha thing is still running in your neck of the woods)

Best Wishes,
Matthew

[Varche]

Hi mate, I'm currently going through the same with my father who had a really bad stroke last year. He used to drive & had all his driving privilages taken away. He's now been diagnosed with a form of dimenture. Up to the end of last year my mum was running around like a headless chicken, caring for him & lookin after the house. Their problem was that they wouldn't ask anyone for any help or advise. We (sons & daughter) help them as much as we can but after talking to quite a few agencys (Help the Aged, Social Services) there is a whole load of help, care, and extra funds that SWMBO could apply for if she is her mums 'carer'. You can have their home assessed to see if its suitable for them and if not you can get the council in conjunction with Help the Aged to make alterations / modifications to the property. You could apply for Carers or attendance allowance, or arrange for Carers to call in to help out (given that the M-I-L will agree) my dad wouldn't. Theres help with the heating with the bills / upgrades. You may even qualify for a disability vehicle for hospital aptmts getting about with her etc.

On the list of calls for tomorow.
Thanks 

No chance on any allowance because her son is in full time employment (the lucky barsteward) 
Tbh, it should be him that is sorting all this out but he is bloody useless.
Swmbo is always having a go at him but he can't be arsed / hasn't got a clue 
I normally try and keep my distance with him for swmbo's sake.  Lets just say he started interfering in our life a few years ago and he got rather lairy with me.  I totally lost it and very nearly spent some time in the big house for my trouble 

Problem is, he has been tide to his mothers apron strings all his life so when she's gone, there is only one place he will end up 

Thanks all 

It's got naff all to do with him or how much money he earns, to an extent.....contact Social Services and ask for an assessment, they will also get OT in for any modifications needed to the house...........Whoever cars for your MIL may get carers allowance, regardless of working or not, you need an appointment with a benefits advisor at the CAB or, as said, age concern.....not really my area but Social Services are not benefits advisers, it is such a minefield, though they may have contact with a benefits advisor. Worth a phone call, you have nothing to lose....good luck.....

The problem is that the lazy t*sser won't get of his arse to help his mum 
I'll have a word with swmbo in morning and see if she can talk some sence into her brother 

Thanks for the advise Vamps 

Good luck with sorting out something. You have got plenty of starting points and good advice there. I would add that you need the son on side really much as it might pain you. 10 pressed men equals one volunteer.