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[TheBoy]

For obvious reasons, I have to answer the phone when 'that' 0800 number calls.

Sales this time, which is a relief .

Same usual lines:
"Mr TheBoy, your exchange has been upgraded blah blah, and we guarantee faster speeds than you get now blah blah"
Thats a fine statement with no substance, as I *know* they cannot know what speed I get, but I'll play along...
"Oh, really, what speed will I get?"
"What speed do you get now sir? Ours will be faster"
"Does it matter what speed I get now, what speed can you provide?"
"I need to know your current speed before I can check"
Willing to play along
"55Mb download"
Somewhat shocked and flustered
"Oh, hold on....   ....58Mb", nervously
Intrigued, I reply
"How come you can provide faster, when its the same fibre, and same copper line?"
"Because we can provide the HomeHub 3, sir, voted the best router by <insert some lowlife rag> readers"
Even more intrigued
"And how does the HH3 make it faster than any other router?"
"It has a special speed booster, only fitted to Homehub 3s"
At this point, realising I was wetting myself with laughter she put me through to her manager.
"Hello Mr TheBoy, blah blah"
"How is it you are guaranteeing me a faster speed than Zen Internet?"
"Homehub3 sir"
"What about it?"
"It has a special booster"
Getting a little fed up with the BS now, I ask
"Can you tell me how FTTC works?"
"Yes, sir, I can, there is a fibre optic cable from your exchange"
"No, from an exchange about 15 miles from here" I interrupt
"Thats not right sir, its from your local exchange"
"Nope, comes from Banbury"
"It can't"
"It does. OK, to the point, what speed is the HH3 to the Openreach modem?" I ask, knowing I've got him
"Depends on the line, but with a HH3 with its booster, you'll get 58Mb"
"So not 100Mb then?" I ask sacastically
"No"
"OK, whats your <internal info> and <internal info>, I'll take this up with your <internal info> in the morning"
"Oh....." in a voice knowing he's been caught...

[MikeDundee]

For obvious reasons, I have to answer the phone when 'that' 0800 number calls.

Sales this time, which is a relief .

Same usual lines:
"Mr TheBoy, your exchange has been upgraded blah blah, and we guarantee faster speeds than you get now blah blah"
Thats a fine statement with no substance, as I *know* they cannot know what speed I get, but I'll play along...
"Oh, really, what speed will I get?"
"What speed do you get now sir? Ours will be faster"
"Does it matter what speed I get now, what speed can you provide?"
"I need to know your current speed before I can check"
Willing to play along
"55Mb download"
Somewhat shocked and flustered
"Oh, hold on....   ....58Mb", nervously
Intrigued, I reply
"How come you can provide faster, when its the same fibre, and same copper line?"
"Because we can provide the HomeHub 3, sir, voted the best router by <insert some lowlife rag> readers"
Even more intrigued
"And how does the HH3 make it faster than any other router?"
"It has a special speed booster, only fitted to Homehub 3s"
At this point, realising I was wetting myself with laughter she put me through to her manager.
"Hello Mr TheBoy, blah blah"
"How is it you are guaranteeing me a faster speed than Zen Internet?"
"Homehub3 sir"
"What about it?"
"It has a special booster"
Getting a little fed up with the BS now, I ask
"Can you tell me how FTTC works?"
"Yes, sir, I can, there is a fibre optic cable from your exchange"
"No, from an exchange about 15 miles from here" I interrupt
"Thats not right sir, its from your local exchange"
"Nope, comes from Banbury"
"It can't"
"It does. OK, to the point, what speed is the HH3 to the Openreach modem?" I ask, knowing I've got him
"Depends on the line, but with a HH3 with its booster, you'll get 58Mb"
"So not 100Mb then?" I ask sacastically
"No"
"OK, whats your <internal info> and <internal info>, I'll take this up with your <internal info> in the morning"
"Oh....." in a voice knowing he's been caught...

You should know better, you work for them

[feeutfo]

Bit like trying to stem the corporate tsumarme of BS with a match stick.

Doesn't really matter what the product is, if its sales, it's BS. IME anyway.

[Vamps]

In your case you knew what you were talking about..... when they rang me I said yes as we were only on about 2MB, and with BT anyway, since we had it fitted the difference is clearly noticeable.....

[scimmy_man]

They promised me 2 meg, as a minimum, we only got 770k but its better than AOL who did 500k

I got fed up talking to bangalore who kept telling me there wasnt a fault but they could not hear me on the phone.

[Kevin Wood]

Bit like trying to stem the corporate tsumarme of BS with a match stick.

Doesn't really matter what the product is, if its sales, it's BS. IME anyway.

Agreed.

Got some door-to-door retard from Talk Talk recently.

"We've installed a high speed server in your exchange".

Oh, yes? What about all the other servers I might want to access on the internet. Are they "high speed?"

Ermm... No.

So, how will yours help?

It'll make your broadband faster.

.. but only if I'm accessing your server?

Erm.. No, it will make the whole internet faster, mate.

Perhaps you meant that you have LLU services available?

Wibble... Anyway, it's £15 per month...

I assume you'll give me a static IP address?

Erm.. <scratches head> No. We don't use IP addresses.

Bye, then.

Bye.

[Marks DTM Calib]

Bit like trying to stem the corporate tsumarme of BS with a match stick.

Doesn't really matter what the product is, if its sales, it's BS. IME anyway.

Agreed.

Got some door-to-door retard from Talk Talk recently.

"We've installed a high speed server in your exchange".

Oh, yes? What about all the other servers I might want to access on the internet. Are they "high speed?"

Ermm... No.

So, how will yours help?

It'll make your broadband faster.

.. but only if I'm accessing your server?

Erm.. No, it will make the whole internet faster, mate.

Perhaps you meant that you have LLU services available?

Wibble... Anyway, it's £15 per month...

I assume you'll give me a static IP address?

Erm.. <scratches head> No. We don't use IP addresses.
Bye, then.

Bye.

PMSL.....now that is a classic, a total and utter lack of understanding of the basics.

Or maybe they have managed to circumvent layer 3!

[TheBoy]

Bit like trying to stem the corporate tsumarme of BS with a match stick.

Doesn't really matter what the product is, if its sales, it's BS. IME anyway.

Agreed.

Got some door-to-door retard from Talk Talk recently.

"We've installed a high speed server in your exchange".

Oh, yes? What about all the other servers I might want to access on the internet. Are they "high speed?"

Ermm... No.

So, how will yours help?

It'll make your broadband faster.

.. but only if I'm accessing your server?

Erm.. No, it will make the whole internet faster, mate.

Perhaps you meant that you have LLU services available?

Wibble... Anyway, it's £15 per month...

I assume you'll give me a static IP address?

Erm.. <scratches head> No. We don't use IP addresses.
Bye, then.

Bye.

PMSL.....now that is a classic, a total and utter lack of understanding of the basics.

Or maybe they have managed to circumvent layer 3!

Maybe the Carphone Whorehouse is just ahead of the game. Layer 3 might be so yesterday, layer 7 is all that is needed, as the pixies run around the globe delivering your packets, who needs the overhead of TCP/IP

[Martian]

Maybe the Carphone Whorehouse is just ahead of the game. Layer 3 might be so yesterday, layer 7 is all that is needed, as the pixies run around the globe delivering your packets, who needs the overhead of TCP/IP

I always thought the pixies lit up the relevant pixel in the screen with a torch when they were poked in the behind with a sharp needle, is their union aware they have taken up a second task and ensuring they are compensated accordingly?