An Irish man walked into a doctors surgery, 'I've got a pain in me arse, could you take a look?' 'Take off your trousers and hop up on the table' said the doctor. The doctor looked at his arse, 'My!' he exclaimed, 'You've got a £5 note in here.' He pulled it out, 'There's another one here as well' They kept coming thick and fast. '£1980, £1990, £1995, there's £1995 here,' the doctor said. 'Ah, that'll be about right, I knew I wasn't feeling too grand.
How do you get a one armed Irish man out of a tree?
Wave to him.
Two Irishmen are working on a building site digging a ditch. The foremen was at them all the time to keep busy. No breaks, just work, work, work. Finally, one of the Irishmen noticed that the foremen left around 3.00 every afternoon. So they started leaving at 3.15. The next day when the foremen left at 3.00, they left at 3.15. One of them, Pat, arrived home, walked into his house, opened the bedroom door and discovered the foremen in bed with his wife. He immediately ran back to the building site and dug like mad until 5.00. The next day, Pat told his mate "Listen we can't knock off at 3.15 anymore. I almost got caught."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,
may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always
welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was
an accident down at the Guiness brewery..." "Oh, God no," cries Brenda, "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no." "No?" "Fact is, he got out for a piss 3 times."
Author
Topic: Another for Jim 351 (Read 1435 times)